Ladies...What is she doing? She has been online dating and meeting up with guys for a couple weeks. She still visits to see our two sons, and to get sex from me. She says that she is messed up and wants to stop. She was going to counseling, but cancelled her last appointment this week. I was paying her car and health insurance as well as letting her use my computer and my laundry room. All of that has been removed as I feel like a door mat. The sad part is that I love her more than ever, still believe in her, but she is driving me nuts!!! I have not yet restricted her from our two sons. How patient should I be and what should I do?
2006-07-19 12:56:16 · 19 answers · asked by Dan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are allowing yourself to be a door mat. If she wants to be independent then let her pay for her own insurance, get her own computer, and go to the laundry mat. I wouldn't be having sex with her, you don't know who else she is having sex with. More than likely seeing what life is like, without you and your help, will make her want to come back. After that you will have to chose if you want to take her back. DONT LET HER USE YOU!!
2006-07-19 13:05:27 · answer #1 · answered by Desiree S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm not so sure. The only thing I do know is that you should restrict her access to the kids ONLY if she abuses or upsets them. Having gone through something like you are going through, I'd be a little doubtful of the outcome. (We divorced a year or two after she moved out.) I would not pay her bills, I would not give her sex (what about STDs for instance?), and don't let her use your facilities. She's pretty screwed up and may be helped by counseling but only if she's serious. Canceling appointments doesn't sound good. Love is a choice and you have choices and time. We teach people how to treat us. Give it time but the prognosis isn't great.
2006-07-19 13:10:11 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First as said before, consult a divorce lawyer. If she's living on her own to be more "independent" you have to ask why she wants to stay married to you. She probably wants the place to take home her dates that you say she's been picking up. Not knowing the extent of your wife's sex drive (Mine's a camel, she can go for months) she may be sleeping with you out of guilt. Next time see how she behaves, you may notice that she really isn't interested. Of course be very careful now that she's having multiple partners. If you have joint bank accounts then consult that lawyer about how to get her off the accounts if you need to. Pretty much pay attention to the other advise given. I don't think restricting from the kids is good. You only have a slim chance to save this one. Good luck.
2006-07-19 13:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by KM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that you have been patient long enough. As far as the boys b/c she is doing you an injustice doesn't mean that she does not love and care for your children. I strongly don't believe that you should restrict her from seeing the children. It's hard to let go of someone that you have created a life, children, and a home with, but if you do not you will end up hurting yourself more than you already hurt. I know that she said that she wants to stop, but you have to realize if she really loved you she would have never started, you owe it to yourself first and your two boys second to be happy. I think that you should seek counseling for yourself and come to grips with the fact that you are now a single parent and you solely responsible for those children well being. Just remember although you love her you can not change her only she can change herself and really that's only if she wants too.
2006-07-19 13:15:43 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. Hot Chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, its time to wake up man.....
Unless you intend to have an extremely open relationship and chance her giving you a disease from someone she dated while you were still married, I would get out of that fast. You have the grounds for divorce even if she doesnt want one.
First thing to do is cut off paying anything for her and then file for the divorce because she wants to play and have you pay for it. She doesnt need counseling either, she just needs to own up and get her own money and let you go so that you can have a life now since she doesnt really want you in hers except to pay the bills.
2006-07-19 13:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by cowgirlduchess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a (somewhat) similar experience, but in my case, my wife had already said she wanted a divorce. She moved into her own room of the house, came & went as she pleased & told me nothing. The sex had come to a stop some time before, which turned out to be a good thing - I would find out later about her affair. Eventually, she did move out with the kids, but she dragged her feet about filing for a divorce. I finally had to take it upon myself. So, I would advise you to divorce her. This could be the wake-up call that she needs, but I seriously doubt if she'll change. Divorce is never easy, but it seems to me that you're practically divorced already. Just be sure to give her generous visitation rights with your boys. They still need to have their mom in their lives. They also need to be assured that it's not their fault. Best of luck to you!
2006-07-19 14:36:13 · answer #6 · answered by WillyC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her if she is your wife,then she should be ther with her family. I would not allow her to use me,like you are doing. Either she is it and will get counseling or she is out,and then you can move on with your life. You think you love her,because that is what you have been doing,but now it is time for you to love yourself a little. She is using you,but she can only do that because you let her.
2006-07-19 13:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by mrsreadalot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that, but you answered your own question, sounds like you're enabling her to do this, in hope that she'll run back to you, but why would she? as far as your kids, don't use them as atool to get or get rid of her, but I'd sit her down and tell her this isn't a revolving door, the kids need to know when to expect her, so set up a tight schedule, & if she's a no show, then I'd bring in cps & let them know she abondoned her children, & get custody. who's to say she doesn't pick them up if she gets mad at you, that's why I'd report her leaving, you may need it in future divorce hearing. maybe if she see's you not a door mat, she may love a strong man not an easy going one. but mostly, your kids need a strong dad, & consistancy, so do your best, and hold her accountable!
2006-07-19 13:15:59 · answer #8 · answered by silverfox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why R U so submisive? You are the man!!! How can you let your own wife walk all over you like that? Call me Old Fasion, but you need to let her know who wear the pants in the family. and another thing LOVE won't do what she has done to you. It's harsh but move on. The love on her side is not there.
2006-07-19 13:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by one_and_only 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she is just using you and doesn't really want to be with you,but she also doesn't want to let you go that way if things don't go the way she wants with these others guys than she can always come and run back to you,i think you need to put a stop to it,i realize you still love her but i think maybe you need to seperate and let her know you are not going to play her little games,and when she is ready to come back and be a wife and mother that then you can talk,
2006-07-19 14:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by brandis220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋