Why do people think adoption as a negative thing and chose to abort instead?

Question

I hear all too often about women who are pregnant and make comments like "I will not put my baby up for adoption, I'd rather abort". I just don't understand this. So many people think adoption is a bad choice, something to not even consider. Why is that? There are so many positives about adoption . . . giving life instead of taking it away, allowing a child to be raised by people who so desperately want a child and knowing that they will provide everything for a child. What are mothers scared of when looking at adoption? Please, help me understand this.

Nowadays there are so many positive things that can be done with adoption. The birthmom can chose the family that she wants to place her child with. They can sign a legal binding agreement in some states that will state things such as how often the birthmom will receive pictures, letters, visit, etc. If the birthmom wants an open adoption that is.

Thanks for listening,
Deanna - hoping to adopt baby #2 soon
http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db15432.html

There are some good answers so far so thanks. I do think that the media has a lot to do with it and people just don't see or hear any positive adoption stories. It just breaks my heart to know of so many wonderful couples who want to adopt and hear of so many people aborting their babies. I know it would be very hard to carry a child for 9 months just to place him/her with another couple. I personally have seen this happen with my daughter’s bmom. I was there at the hospital when she said goodbye. I also know how happy my daughter is with us and also know how good her bparents feel now, 3 years later. I really believe that it is the most unselfish thing a person can do is to think about an innocent life before their feelings . . . think about that for a second. To put your feelings aside and the questions of what everyone else will think and instead think about the life that you are caring.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts on this.

Answer 1

Because they've read a couple of stories in the paper about abusive adoptive parents and assume all adoptive parents are the same. That makes about as much sense as saying that some birth parents are abusive so they all are.
The thought of giving their child a death sentence because they think it MIGHT be abused if adopted would make a much sense as forcing every pregnant woman to abort out of fear that their child might not have the perfect life. On second thought, we are almost there now.

Answer 2

I think a lot of women have been conditioned to believe that abortion is a quick and easy way to get it over with and not have to think about it again. That usually turns out not to be the case - they tend to think about it their whole lives - but they don't know that until much later, and pointing this out gets you immediately pigeonholed as a "pro-lifer." Since that viewpoint is politically incorrect, you don't hear it very much in general media discussion.

This is not to say that adoption is such an easy road either. Adoptees DO have a harder time of it, trying to settle into an alien family without the genetic similarities in temperament, appearance, and so forth that help bind other families together, and the knowledge that "this is not my real kid" or "this is not my real dad" tends to crop up at the most stressful times, pushing the family apart where blood ties would pull them together.

My mother had abortions (reports vary on how many) and abandoned most of her other children with various relatives or adopted parents. Two of the six of us were adopted away; one within the family and one (myself) outside of it. I never really fit into my adopted family, and there were a lot of times during my childhood and adolescence when I wished she had just aborted me instead. I don't really feel that way any more, but then I've had decades to get over it.

My opinion is that abortion is one of those dumb things that we have a right to do if we choose to, like being an alcoholic or riding a motorcycle without a helmet. Most abortions are the result of poor planning, and the world would be better if that situation never came up, whether the result is an abortion or an adoption. Ideally all babies would be wanted. But here in the real world, a lot of them are not. The decision of whether to abort an unwanted child or let him be born to grow up knowing he was unwanted is a tough choice, in the hands of someone who has usually already proven she doesn't make good decisions.

Answer 3

i dont think it is so much that they would rather have an abortion but it would be damn near impossible to give a baby up after feeling it grown in you for 9 months. i know this from experience. i got pregnant for the 3rd time (i was on birth control every time) at 21 yrs old. i planned on giving her up for adoption the whole time because i really didnt think i could handle another baby. i had met the family and was going to have an open adoption but once she was born i couldnt give her up. i knew i had to find a way to make it work and i did, BUT it broke the adoptive family's heart. they still see her every month and have since adopted another baby...
MY POINT IS that once you feel the baby growing and moving inside you and you know that you are the one that is giving that baby life it is too hard to give them up and for some people it is easier to deal with the abortion whether YOU agree with it or not. i personally am semi pro choice..i do believe that it is a personal decision and no one should punish someone for making that decision becasue it will be the hardest decision they ever had to make and other peoples judgement doesnt help

Answer 4

I agree that to put a baby up for adoption is preferable to abortion, but every woman must decide for themsalves what to do and what's best for their situation. I think maybe that's what the counseling before an abortion should do. A lot of women don't want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and the pain of labor and delivery knowing that they can't or are not going to keeo the baby. I imagine it's heart wrenching to give up a baby after you've carried it for 9 months. I think it's good when women can and do do that, but not everyone's the same.

Congrats on your new baby!

Answer 5

I don't understand it either especially when you abort you are killing an innocent child who deserves to have life like we do to where if you can't own up to be the mother then put the child up for adoption to someone who would love your child as their own and give somebody that wish of letting them have a child that they can say is theirs when they can't have children biologically. But then they could think that they wouldn't want somebody raise their child and not know if they will give the child the best life there is so they figure abort that way they don't have to worry about that child.

Answer 6

Pregnancy and labour is not easy- a lot of women would rather not go through nine months of carrying around a baby only to give it up to someone else at the end. Sometimes it's even a danger to the mother's health and rather risk her own health and safety for an "unwanted" baby, some opt for abortion.

It's not the best thing in the world, but I think you need to understand their point of view too.

Answer 7

because maybe the baby will not get adopted and will live a life of pain and suffering. maybe the women saying that do not want to put their child through that sort of thing and would prefer that the baby is sent back up to heaven and delivered to someone that can actually take care of the child. what I dont get is why people thing abortion is not an option... it most certainly is. and while I would never have one myself, women need to know that there are options out there. however, I highly doubt that the women you are hearing these remarks from are serious. they probably think that way now, but once it really becomes necessary to make the decision they would want their baby to live.

Answer 8

wow. i think before someone can have an opinion on abortion, they should adopt at least once. it's not an either - or tho. there are many reasons why abortion is legal...mainly the choice of women to have a safe medical procedure if they want to. women choose it for a variety of reasons, some of which include rape, incest and life risks to the mom. i'm not saying i'm pro abortion, just pro choice. i would hate to see this country go back to the sexually repressed time when women tried coat hangers and throwing themselves down the stairs. Keep in mind, that not all children are adopted into safe loving families. Charles Manson was passed between relatives and then into the prison system.

Answer 9

Maybe the reason why certain people don't like the word adoption is because they don't maybe believe in that. i know people who regretted giving their child up for adoption! I'm not saying its wrong because every one has there own choice about things if you feel that's your right choice go for it! just maybe keep the contact with the child how the young mom did in mom at 16 on the lifetime channel. but im one of the peeps who don't believe in that it will hurt me real bad if i did if god gave you a new life to take care of take care of the life!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Most people hear about the abusive parents that adopt these children, or stories from adopted children that ran away and lived on the streets and led horrible lives. There are hardly happy stories of adopted children, or at least they aren't voiced as much as the bad ones.