Should I lie about being a recovering alcoholic. Women never want to date me when they find out?

Question

I''m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can't seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don't think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I've tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don't want to date anyone that's a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don't want to date anyone that doesn't drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I'm 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don't date men in recovery. I don't think i'll ever find a wife.

It's been a few years now, and I find myself so lonely that I think of suicide alot.

My question is, since I can't seem to meet anyone by telling the truth, should I just lie about my alcoholism?

Answer 1

YOU SHOULDNT LIE ABOUT IT, BUT YOU DONT NEED TO BLURT IT OUT ON THE FIRST DATE. LIKE ANYONE ELSE, YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT PERSON WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT AND SHE WILL BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOU.

Answer 2

I would like to say Congratulations on your sobriety. You must be a very strong person to face your addiction. As for your love life you need to find a woman that doesn't smoke,drink,or do any drugs, you don't need the temptation. I wouldn't lie about your recovery, I would just hold off a little and try her out for a bit.
Try some singles groups, find a hobby you can meet lots of people this way. The gym is a good place to find women who are all about a healthy life style. And last about your thoughts of suicide most people have those thoughts at some point in their life. I did I was married and I felt more alone than I have ever been. He mentally abused me to the point that one night i took 175 sleeping pills. I awoke in a hospital they pumped my stomach
the doctor said that my heart had stopped 3 times and that I was very lucky he didn't think I was a crazy person he met my ex in the waiting room he said that my husband was a jerk and that I needed a divorce. So I did and it took a long time to trust and find the right person for me but I did and I am at the happiest point of my life. Good things will come to you when you least expect it.
Good Luck
*Ellen

Answer 3

Lies will just get you into more trouble. Anyone worth dating is worth telling the truth. When and how you break the news is likely a stumbling block as well. But, if you withhold information such as this you will deeply regret it. Best to be kicked to the curb before you invest too much emotionally in the relationship.
Have you tried joining a community group? A club? Church? What about volunteering somewhere? Animal shelters and rescue groups always need reliable people to walk dogs and help with the clean up. You may just find that by giving your time to a group that really needs you and appreciates you will feed that empty spot you're feeling right now.
If you are indeed feeling suicidal I think you need to seek some professional help and support as this is a very serious statement.
If you spend time talking with an un-biased professional you may begin to work through these feelings and the darkness will lift a bit.
In the meantime, consider finding a cause to become active in. If you volunteer you will be enriched by the very experience of doing something worthwhile. You will likely be in contact with people who share your interests and begin to enlarge your social circle.
For now you need to find a way to be comfortable in your own skin, by yourself, before you can invite anyone to share your life with you. These women don't mean to hurt you and in fact are doing you a favor by walking away from the start. How horrible it would be to find out after some time and emotional investment that they weren't really devoted to you or the relationship afterall.
You probably are a really nice guy, so get out there and make every day count. Get involved in your community. Do it without expectations of reward and you will likely be richly rewarded in the end.
Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

You're eventually going to have to tell any woman you're with the truth. However, you may be able to control the timing. Let's say you meet someone and go out to a social function where there's drinking. When offered, you turn it down. When asked why, say for personal, spiritual reasons. Remember, in AA, you're trusting God and asking God for the strength. This will really test you but you have to do it for yourself. Just like trying start a new relationship. You're doing it for yourself and not the bottle, right? When the woman gets to know you better and more comfortable with you, then tell her. Also make sure you tell her that it is issues from the past that you are trying to deal with today. And it's not an issue that will come into the relationship because you are actively addressing the issue.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

No, never lie because the truth has a way of coming out. Just be patient. You have only tried one dating site. There are women that are interested in you, I'm sure. Just keep trying and don't give up and don't give in. I would not want to date anyone that does drink. This is not a problem to commit suicide over. I believe that nice people just have to be more patient than others when it comes to finding that special person. Maybe you don't need to tell them right off the back.....ease in to it. Give them a chance to know the real you before you start telling your past history. Give that a chance. Keep going to your AA meetings for encouragement. Good luck.

Answer 6

Awwww don't think about suicide that is defiantly the wrong road to go down especially since you have come so far and accomplished so much. Don't lie about your alcohol issues but don't say "hi I'm ___ and I am a recovering alcoholic." Let her get to know you first and when she asks why you are not drinking then you can tell her about the problem. Don't lie because when she finds out about it later she will think you probably lied about everything else and that will be the end of the relationship. I think what you have done is very admirable! Don't stop and don't quit; you want to continue on the path you are on.

Answer 7

Well, thats a though one, but I wouldn't say lie about it but rather don't mention it, at least not at the beginning of a relationship right when u meet someone. I dont think a women will come out on the first date and ask you are you an alcoholic or where u ever one? As far as the drinking goes just say you don't drink, if a lady doesn't respect that why would you wanna be with her anyway? Just try to be positive and be yourself and the right one will come along. Be patient, I know thats easy for me to say but just know that I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Honesty is always the best policy. You just haven't met the right person yet, that's all.
I don't think that you need to share this with everyone tho, as not everyone is going to be the "one." I think you should just keep things light and fun, and then when you do find someone you think might be the "one" then to share more with her is the right thing.
I remember when I was dating I didn't share too much personal information with them, we just dated, did some fun things and talked. No need for every single person to know you're recovering alcoholic. Why put yourself thru this? Just date, have some fun for awhile! When you do get serious with someone, then tell them about it. It's good to date a variety of people and just have some company, have some fun, keep it light. Nobody needs to know your deep inner things until it's time. Wearing it on your sleeve is not healthy and it's not everyone's business.

Answer 9

I'm a 26 yr. old recovering addict/alcoholic. You think it's hard at your age, try being the partying age. You should never lie about yourself. What would you do when they ask why you don't drink? It'll all come out in the end. As far as not meeting women in recovery, try other meetings. Usually if she doesn't want to date a guy in recovery it's because she's planning on using again and thinks someone in the program would stop her. Don't give up. It isn't worth suicide. Travel to other meetings, go to conventions, and say to hell with those who don't want to date you. People seem to think our disease is contagous or that they can't drink cause we can't. Hang in there. I know you'll meet someone for you. If you need someone to talk to, e-mail me or im me. God be with you.

Answer 10

Are you completely over the alcholism? For how long ago. Is it easy for you to start drinking again? There is someone for all of us. You are not searching in the right area, or perhaps you are telling them a bit too much. Talk first, go on a date, then ask them personal question. Change the way you do things for a bit. But do not hide it or lie about it. Then the trust would be gone forever. If you finally meet Mr. Right.

Answer 11

No. you never want to lie about something like that. Some women are actually prone to dating people with problems. They feel like they will have a huge part of your overcoming the problem. Maybe this isn't the time for you to be dating someone. But there are women out there that don't focus on you being a recovering alcoholic. Maybe you should focus on yourself for awhile.