why do men only want sex when it's right for them?

Question

my husband and i have been married for about a month. before we were married and now it seems like he only wants sex when it's right for him. why is that? is it something that i'm doing wrong or what? any advice would be great.

Answer 1

I've been married for 10 years & I have found this to be so true for my husband too. You are probably not doing anything wrong. You need to find a good time to talk to your husband about it. Let him know that you have sexual desires sometimes when he does not & He has sexual urges sometimes when you do not. If you wait until both of you have the urge at the same time, it won't happen very often. Just be patient with him & keep reminding him. But, I have also found that a little stimulation visual or otherwise can go a long way to creating an urge where there wasn't one before. Just make sure you talk, talk, talk about whatever issues you are having. Just bring it up in a loving way & let him know you love him & love having sex with him.

Answer 2

I have never heard of such a thing. A man that doesn't want sex anytime, every time, all the time? Hmmm, I'm guessing there's some background info that is needed before anyone can give you a good answer for this one.
Perhaps he's pouting about something you did and this is his way to "punish" you. Could be he's having a tough time at work and the stress is coming home with him. Maybe he is uncomfortable with the way you attempt to initiate sex with him. Have you talked to him about it without making him feel that he's been 'put on the spot'? Men often find it difficult to express their feelings especially when the emotional crosses over to the physical.
Did I understand you to say he was like this before you were married? If that is true, then, well, honey-what did you expect?
Maybe you need to plan a short weekend getaway where you both can relax with no other distractions. Try a bed and breakfast Inn where you can enjoy one another in a quiet atmosphere.
Communication is the key here. You will get nowhere without it and having a sexless marriage will soon be the least of the problems in this relationship.
Good luck to you.

Answer 3

You want him to want sex when its NOT right for him? When do you want sex? When its right for you? I want to eat when I am hungry its that simple. Maybe the real question is communication! Clearly you and your husband are NOT communicating! This is key for a successful marriage! Married about a month you should be having sex all day and every where lol! If your having problems at this level so soon I fear your marriage may be doomed. My husband and I have been together some time and have five kids. we still have sex 3 - 6 times a week and talk about what each wants and doesn't want. You have a far More serious problem then hubby wanting sex and if you don't fix it (together) you will find yourself divorced in my view

Answer 4

Darlin', men don't only want sex when it's right for them, they want sex all the time. I guess you could say that any time is the right time when it comes to sex for a guy.
Men need sex to feel loved. Women need love to feel like having sex. It's the universal dichotomy of life. It doesn't change and it doesn't get any easier after you get married. You just learn when to say no and mean it, and conversely, when to say yes when you might not feel like it. Sometimes you have to stand your ground, and sometimes you need to give in, knowing that by giving your partner the physical affection that they so desire, that it will be a healing balm in your relationship.
I could not tell by your question whether your husband does not respond when you initiate sex. If this is the case, it may be a control issue and the two of you need to talk it out very candidly. Communication is absolutely key. Don't let another day go by without being totally honest with him about how this is making you feel. Avoid the "you" statements, such as "You make me feel unwanted or unattractive when you don't respond to me sexually" and instead stick with "I" statements like, "I'm feeling as though I'm not attractive sexually anymore" When he asks you why, then you can say "Well whenever I'm feeling frisky, you don't seem to want me." It's a subtle difference, but it can make a world of difference in your communication. You get your point across and he doesn't feel accused.
Good luck with your situation! ~mattie~

Answer 5

Ok first iam a guy iam not gonna lie, second I hate guys iam not gonna lie. Your right most guys only want it when it is convenient for them and when they feel like it. Also to be sure though when men are uninterested in sex it also means that they might be recieving it somewhere else. There are alot of things to look at and theres so many. I doubt you are doing anything wrong. If you really love him try something different spice it up, you know just be creative. Iam just letting you know whats going on from a guys perspective. As for your husband I feel bad for a man that doesnt appreciate his wife, Iam 23 and iam just waiting to find the right woman and have a family. All I said will help i may be young but I know alot of things ahead of my time.

Answer 6

If it means anything I'm in the same boat. He complains that our sex life is at a stand still but yet it's his work schedule that makes it hard. He's home all day until 4pm but we have the kids around where it is the summer. Then he works from 4pm till midnight. When he gets home and I make advances he complains that he needs a shower because he has been working in a hot plant like setting. My best advice is to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and see if you can work out a schedule. I've tried this with my husband and it works for a while, then we are right back in the same boat again.

Answer 7

Your description is vague, but it sounds like you're saying it's not often enough for you. You should have discussed this before you got married, but marriage counseling might help. There must be something more to this than just sex, because for a normal man, any time is the right time and too much is never enough.

Answer 8

I've been married for 1 yr and sex is just not the same. We still love each other dearly but every time it happens it's just that...no intimacy. I think that when a couple lives together that flame just dies; dating you jump on each other the first chance you get cause that's the only time you have. when you're married the person is just there all the time. I don't know what to tell you on fixing it but i can share the same feelings...

Good luck.

Answer 9

i want it all the time too. but when my wife says no it mean no. also what do you consider all the time when i was first married twice a day was not out of the norm but as the marriage moves on it starts to get back to normal. it also has a lot to do with whats going on in your life. my norm is 2-3 times a week and have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids .

Answer 10

It's not too late. GET the wedding ANULLED. If you are considering having sex with another man. Get out now, otherwise you might suffer down the road.

The only time I got tired of having sex was when my wife and I were trying to have a baby. It was every day. Two or more times a day. The sex wasn't always passionate. It became like (a job to do). That's when I felt like not having sex. Although this only lasted for 3 weeks. She got pregnant as soon as her egg dropped.

Some men don't want to do anything unless it's right for them. Another term for that is selfish. What do selfish men do? They cheat on thier wives. They only want to please themselves. Let me help you out..... if you have a good looking girlfriend who he has not met. See if you can set him up and allow her to flirt with him, or get her to bring something over to your house when you are not there and only he is. Something like.... a bathing suit you left at her house, and have her wear a bikini when she brings it over. Ask her how much he flirted back. Did he get her number? Make a move?

Get out while you can.