I have spent 12 years of my life wanting this guy that i am about to marry. We finally got together 4 years ago. He hurt me in more ways then you can imagine (emotionally). Now we are about to get married in 4 months and I don't know if I am in love with him...What do I do?
2006-07-19 10:32:45 · 19 answers · asked by sweetabbygirl27 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i was in the same situation and trust me you don't have an easy decision to make.
I was engaged to my ex for 2 years we had a 5 yr relationship and things we just not working out (to be candid it was a relationship based on sex and that's all it was) we had no real interest that we shared beside going to my sports she was a great person but i needed more.
the easy thing to do is just break it off if it was meant to be you will get back together.
you don't want to go into a marriage wondering if you made a mistake case it will fail.
good luck and only you will know the right decision.
2006-07-19 11:52:10 · answer #1 · answered by BigHardy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not marry this guy! If you are still not sure at this point that is a HUGH warning sign! Call it off because you do not love him and you said he has emotionally abused you??? This will not get better once you guys get married it will only get worse! Why would you pledge your life to an abuser????? I do not care how much money you have already spent or how many people have already bought tickets to come to the wedding your happiness is more important than that! Leave this guy; you will be happy you did when you meet a man who is a lover and not an abuser!
2006-07-19 11:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get married thats for sure. Then you sit down and realize that what you 'waited' for those 12 years was the IDEA and the FANTASY about who he is and not the REALITY. did the guy you thought about for 12 years hurt you in the little life you had in your mind? you really need to get this straight, and in the future don't wait for one certain person to fulfill your idea of what love is. decide what you believe love to be and then find the person that measures up to that, not the other way around! don't feel bad, its a very very common mistake that humans make however, if you continue to ignore the reality you will end up very miserable and waste your entire life trying to force something to be there that just isn't. the wedding isn't over its not too late to save yourself. make a list on paper of what the idea in your head was, what you think love looks and feels like, then measure what you really have against your list, they don't look very much alike do they? but now you have your answer and know what to do.
2006-07-19 10:38:49 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have doubts...DO NOT DO IT!!!!! I promise you wil regret it if you do! If you are not sure, postpone the wedding until you know if it is what you want to do for sure. Why would you want to marry someone who has hurt you so much anyway? It iwll not stop or change if you marry him. Marriage is NOT a solution for any problem or behavior. You need to think this through before you commit to something you might regret. Seek clergy or professional consult. Do NOT marry him until you figure this out for yourself and are completely doubtless that it is what you want and do not let anyone talk you into going through with it for any reason anyway! Good luck dear!
2006-07-19 10:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call it off, if you aren't sure..call it off...You mentioned that he has hurt you. Do really think that marriage is going to change him? I don't think so, sweetie. Don't get married unless he is your knight in shining armor. Love can be killed and distoryed by hurtful words and actions. It keeps breaking little peices of your heart till there is no more. So, make sure you love him, and make sure that he is not going to hurt you anymore. Last time, I checked knights didn't hurt or say mean things to their princesses. Find someone who is truly going to love you, and you can say without a doubt you love him. You are or you aren't. So, wait to walk down the aisle with a man that you want to shout out to the world "Hey, I love him" God bless....
2006-07-19 10:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not sure you love him, then you shouldn't go through with it. It sounds like you already knew this though. You have to be 100% sure. It's allot easier to get out now then after the wedding.
It also sounds like you are carrying around some resentment towards him. Both of these things are not conducive to starting a new life together.
2006-07-19 10:55:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him. You will just end up leaving later if you feel this way now. Don't waste the money on the wedding, etc. It will be hard to call off, but MUCH better in the long run.
2006-07-19 10:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by aka Astra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and Analise your relationship. Are you happy now? Is he hurting you now or he changed? Do you truly love him and can't imagine not being able to live without him? You have four months to get answers to these questions. But go thought with the wedding only and only if you know the answers to all of them.
2006-07-19 10:37:08 · answer #8 · answered by fasb123r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not in love, then ask yourself why you're getting married. He hurt you so why would you commit to a lifetime of pain. I'd rethink the situation and call it off while you can. Walk away and be happy with someone you love. You deserve better.
2006-07-19 10:44:58 · answer #9 · answered by mergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would rethink the whole marriage thing. You two can talk to a counselor about it or you can go by yourself. Love is required in substaining a healthy marriage, and you wouldn't want to regret marrying someone you don't love.
2006-07-19 10:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by soljagurl317 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋