pregnant, preparing for termination and depressed?

Question

I have posted previous questions through this crazy time about possibly being pregannt, finding out I am and now here is where everything has gone done hill. If not only counsling I need some comfort that is why I am here.
I am 18 and I told my family of my plans on keeping this baby and raising it with my 21 year old boyfreind who is just finishing community college and transfering to a larger univ my parents took everything from me and kicked me out of the house... I was with my boyfreind and they took me back home telling me I had to abort and go to college that they would now put up with this imbarrassment. THey took eveyrthing away from me and wont let me leave to go out on my own. I Cant abort this baby but tomorrow it is scheduled. I will have mental probelms I know. BUt its to late my boyfreind is in hiding by my advice and my dad has raided everything possible. I have nothing. No dignity and no guidance. I am hurting. please help me accept this.

I have read many of the answers already adnd thank you so much. Honestly I am breaking down. This sounds rude and selfish but if i went on with this pregnancy I WOULD want this baby i would want to take care of it , i love children and work with them all the time i couldnt give my baby up.
and runnign away? I dont know how much stregnth i have? I have no place to go and my father has a tracker on our phone so if i call anyone i am not supposed too he will know righ taway. He took my cell phone nad text messaged hundreds of people that i hardly speak too...
my mom is a wreck she keeps saying I dont believe in abrotion but we worked to hard to get you where you are and i dont want this pregnancy to go on. Its hard for my parents to accept becuz i was always the "picture perfect child" Class president and leader of so many clubs.... basketball coach and honor roll stduent. I ahve let them down horribly. I feel like i owe it to them for putting them in so much pain....

Answer 1

Run away!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you are in this position, my prayers go out to you. If you feel that you can not abort, please do NOT do it. This is one of those things that you MUST follow your heart on. If you abort this baby because your parents are forcing you to, you will have a life full of regret. What you are facing is not easy, you have a long and difficult road ahead of you and some very tough decisions to make. Whatever decision you make at this point will affect the rest of your life one way or another. If you choose to have the baby, keep in mind that their are so many loving people out there that cannot have children but want children. Adoption is a very difficult choice but at least you would know that your child is having a good life. You can raise the child with your b/f AND go to college. That is very hard, but just because it is hard does not mean it is impossible. You are 18, and that means you are old enough to make your own decisions. Your parents cannot force you to do anything. If they are not letting you leave the house, call the police, and they will help you leave. Call a local church as many of them have programs to help people in your situation. The YWCA may be able to help you with emergency housing if you have no other family or friends that can assist you http://www.ywca.org . Again, no matter what choice you take, and you do have choices, you are going to be in a difficult place for a while. People get through this, and you will get through this. Please remember, no matter what choice you take (keeping the baby, giving it up, or abortion) you are special, you are loved, and you WILL get through this.

Answer 3

Please, don't abort the baby. There are many other options out there for you. If you parents force you into doing something that you do not, such a killing an innocent life, you will not only carry that hurt for the rest of your life but this will hurt your relationship with your parents. You will hate them for making you do this and when you are older and starting a family of your own you will remember this child and how your parents put so much pressure on you to do something that you did not want to do.

Please, just don't go in tomorrow. There are many couples out there, like myself, who are so wanting to adopt a baby that they would be willing to help you out if needed. There are also are many homes that were you can live at for free even if you decide to keep the baby and not to parent. The federal and state agencies will also be able to help you with giving you medical and food, etc.

Do you have any other relatives that would support you through this? Please email me if you want to talk some more.

Deanna

Answer 4

You do have something. You have your baby. Since you are 18 you don't have to go thru with it if you don't want to...no matter what is scheduled or they want. They can't force you to follow thru with it. Even after you get to the clinic you can still say no. If you think you will have mental problems from it you probably will. I did for YEARS. Still do 7 years later. If you choose to go thru with it simply because it is easier than butting heads with your parents you definately will be haunted with regret. Trust me. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, and any decision will be hard. You'd be suprised at how many parents/future grandparents react the way yours did and then fall in love with the grandbaby they were so sure was going to ruin everyone's life. So, even if you don't abort and they get unbelievably upset they have many, many months to change their minds...maybe even a couple of times. Sounds like they've already made major decisions involving your relationship with them and then changed them. As a young single mother you can get lots of financial aid to go to college without your parents help. As a student you can get vouchers for daycare. There are lots of possible options that include keeping your baby and going to school. I am so sorry that you have such a tough problem to figure out. Most importantly do what you think is healthiest for you (mentally and physically), and you will be better off. Pregnancy is a scary idea when you weren't prepared for it, but by now you have probably made it most of the way thru most of the yucky stuff...like morning sickness. It's downhill from here (with a bigger and bigger belly). And while the idea of being a parent is also scary it is not as hard as most people think it will be before they become one...and the stuff that is hard is worth it to have that little face grin up at you.

I'm pro-choice, but I'm anti doing it when you are not sure...because of the years of regret and sorrow that will most likely follow. Good luck, and make the decision for you not for your parents. Follow your heart...whatever it tells you.

Answer 5

Call 911 and tell the operator you're being held against your will and you're being a victim of domestic violence. Your parents want to kill a baby that legally they have no custody over and you are a legal adult. What kind of sick people would force someone to have an abortion. I hate to say it but it is obvious: you are one of those people even here in America that has to cut ties and possibly get some kind of restraining order against your own parents, especially if they're so intent on having someone invasively perform a gynelogical procedure like an abortion on you. Legally, cops are supposed to show up and take you to a shelter. When you are dragged, kicking and screaming, to the clinic tomorrow, forcefull tell the clinic nurses, doctors everyone there that this is against your will, you're 18 and that when this is done, you are suing them for aborting your baby against your will. That'll stop them and tell them to call the police for you immediately. From what you described, you are being kept prisoner and your parents are an embarassment to themselves for being this sick, twisted and controlling. Good luck. For once, I'm changing my selections to accept messages in case you want me to contact the police in your town for you. By the way, other than your parents' tax info, you do not need your parents to go to college. Financial Aid needs that info but you can get a lawyer to subpoena that info for you until you reach 23 or 25. Plus, if you get away from them, you can crash at a shelter or with friends and work while you go to school.

Answer 6

First off..you are 18.

That means you are legally an adult. They may have taken away physical belongings..but if you walk into that clinic and not sign any papers...then you aren't getting an abortion. Your parents may be your guardians, but since you are 18 you are old enough to make decisions on your own..and their signatures mean nothing. You could call a relative and ask to live with them..and you can still go to college with a child...Stand up for what you believe in..and if they kick you out again...just leave and don't look back. Its harsh, but turning your back on your parents is just a reminded of what they did to you. Keep your chin up..and stand up for yourself.

Answer 7

hi hunny
i understand how you are feeling...your parents want what is best for you but part of being an adult is making your own choices
If i were you, i would immidiately leave that situation it is invasive and abusive. Stay with your bf's family and get a court restraining order on your parents. then concentrate on the baby and having a stress-free birth
threaten your parents with never seeing their own grandchild?
Im not sure, but I doubt you or you and your bf will be financially stable...you wont be - so you would be doing yourself and your child a favor if you gave her up for adoption or an open adoptin so you can still see her.
Your parents are wrong - they went beyond overreacting and you need to concentrate on your mental health and your babys health. Get them away from you and get hte restreaining order
I knwo it sounds harsh, but its for the best
Youre 18, a legal adult, but you dont ahve the job or money to support a family.
If you are incapable of getting away form your parents, tell them to comprimise with the adoption thing.. the baby shouldnt have to suffer for their ignorance and intolerance
good luck sweety and baby

Answer 8

I hate to say it this way, but you definitely learned your lesson. Your life will be filled with hard decisions and depressions. But lift your head up because life will also be filled with wonderful moments. People get depressed because they worry too much about the bad things in their life and don't appreciate the good things in life.
Yes, you will have a disappointing time when you abort. You will probably feel like crap for awhile. But use this experience to your advantage. Don't let this experience take over your life. Instead, use this to better yourself. For example, I bet you'll be a lot more careful about becoming pregnant next time? And I bet you'll be picky on the men you choose.
Yes, this is a bad thing......now. But later, it will be a useful and important step in your life.
No one will learn anything from life if they are sheltered and secluded. People learn from their mistakes and build from them.
Be strong and take this step by step.

Remember, when you fell, you just didn't lay there. Instead, you got up and moved on. Keep moving, girl.

Answer 9

Hi canthearu12,

What an emotional time it is for you and your parents! You're scared and confused, because you don't know your options. You want the understanding and support of your parent, but you're feeling pressure instead from them to do something you don't want to do, namely abort your baby.

You're also financially dependent on them at the moment.

I have to say that I admire you for wanting to keep your baby. You have a clear sense of yourself and a sense of your values and life. This is a very good thing and and it will help you throughout your life. I encourage you stick with what you believe.

At 18 you're an adult and now a pregnant mother. From what you've written, you're acting very much like an adult and making an adult decision to protect your child! Good for you!! No one, not even your parent, can or should cause you to hurt your baby!

From the other side, you might want to consider that your parents may be in shock and confusion to learn that you're pregnant. They may also be scared for you, but they can't say it. They may also be mourning the fact that maybe you're not their little girl anymore.

In these situation, lots of parents seem to react in anger and with quick and easy solutions to get things back to normal...they're not seeing things really clearly. You and they will need some time to calm down and to see what's what.

They may or may not easily adjust, but regardless of that, your dilemma is how to have your baby and provide a stable home for yourself and your child.

I would suggest that you contact a family planning group that respects your values about keeping your baby (rather than counseling you to abort) to help you consider your options.

If you want your family's support, one option might be to have some family counseling around your pregnancy. Although your parents are very reactive at the moment, I imagine that they still love you and want to hear what this pregnancy means to you.

But as important as it is to have your parent's support, it isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is having your baby and giving your baby the best chance of living.

If they're really pressuring you, you need to get out of the house at least you can all settle down.

If your parents choose not to support you, other options to consider include: moving out independently and then having your baby; your parents may eventually come around.

Or agreeing to give your baby up for adoption (perhaps to a family member or to someone else) in return for continuing to remain with your parents.

Both of these options aren't always easy, but it can be done with the proper support and guidance. Lots of young mothers have!

Your family planning counseling service and county can help you with the practical services to help you make good decisions.

The bottom line is that you must ultimately make the decision that is best for you and your baby. The confusion of this moment will pass!! And I know know that you'll the make the best decision possible.

Answer 10

You are 18 if your boyfriend can help you get into a place then go live with him.Tell them they can't make you abort the baby it is not there decision and if they aren't going to help you through this hard time then tell them that you will leave and that they willl never get to see there grand child, they sound like they aren't christians if they can have you do that.

Answer 11

girl that is terrible and i give you some major props for wanting to take care of the baby. My advice to you, RUN AWAY!! Make sure you have a place to go first. That's what I would do. NO ONE can make you abort a baby! That's terrible, I wish you all the luck and I really hope everything turns out for you. Take care girl.