Married 5 years....3 kids that i love more then life itself. Im at that point. Where i dont know what to do. I know i cant take the way life is right now. The screaming matches, the emotional pain. The loneliness. I know im far from perfect...that i make mistakes, but she acts as if she is blameless, without fault in everything. As if she walks on water. I walk around now, is if in a daze. On autopilot. A zombie with a good job. I do things for everyone else because in my reality i dont exist. Not because i dont want to....but because i dont, like this. This way. Living my life in what ifs, daydeams and storylines of better tomorrows. Where im married to a woman who doesnt put me down when things arent 100% her way. So i ask you out there. How important is happyiness? Love? Passion and inner peace? Is it worth splitting up a marraige? Is it worth going through a hellish divorce? is it worth it to have to hear your son or daughter ask you why you left them? What they did wrong?
2006-07-19 09:49:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh....and she refuses to go for counciling
2006-07-19 10:01:35 · update #1
VOWS are "for better and for worse" -----what you really need to do is take all this to the LORD JESUS! HE is the ONLY fulfillment in life!! HE can and wants to heal your marriage! I suggest finding a good Bible teaching Church and also reading the BIBLE , pray ask Jesus to help you ---HE hears and does care!!! HE came to give us life and that more abundantly! that's in John 10 verse 10......
2006-07-19 10:07:02 · answer #1 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are all very important questions! Is NEVER KNOWING worth staying and living the rest of your life this miserable? Remember, you have just as much control over what your children think and feel as she does. divorce is not easy on any child. Only the two people that are getting the dicorce can hugely impact how they deal with it! They will only feel and think what they are LED to believe. Kids are smart! When my hubby and I separated for over a year, my kids were ages 4- 10 years and I can tell you with some authority that THEY DECIDED THEIR OWN OPINIONS OF BOTH OF US all by themselves! Kids are very perceptive and catch on to things you would not think them capable of comprehending. They can also throw things out there that YOU had not even thought of. FOR ALL OF YOU, the best thing to do is try to start with councelling. Sounds like there are MAJOR communication issues going on. Typical of just about EVERY marriage on the planet. Just remember that YOU earn what you get from those around you. If you do NOT want your kids to think badly of you then do things in a way that will not give them that impression. Not easy but IS entirely possible. Love them and talk to them. Do NOT say anything negative about anything or anyone! be emotionally open to them. Give them your heart and soul. They will get it! IN short, just do the best you can but do what is best for you and them and the situation! Do not stay in a situation that makes you this miserable. If the relationship can not be changed then the situation must be! Good luck and my best wishes!
2006-07-19 10:02:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life has its ups and downs and to enjoy life one must triumph over defeat...and you sound like a defeated man..you need help, it doesn't appear your going to be able to handle this on your own...seek professional guidance, for you and as a couple with your wife...I don't think your children are in a healthy situation and I don't think you leaving this all behind is going to make it any better either, so I recommend you find a way to get through this, so you can experience how important happiness, Love and Passion will provide the inner peace the eludes you right now...good luck...give it your best effort...blessings.
2006-07-19 10:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put it this way: do you want your kids to grow up thinking that it's ok for them to treat their partners the same way you and your wife treat each other? Kids see and heart things, even when we think they don't. They learn from us as to how relationships are supposed to be. If you and your wife are yelling at each other, she is yelling because things aren't her way, etc, then the kids are picking up on all of this.
As for the love, happiness, etc. I think and believe that it is VERY, VERY important in a relationship, and in life.
I was in a bad relationship for 20 years, no happiness, no love, no peace and tranquility, etc. I was soooooooooooo unhappy and depressed that I had to go to counseling and be put on anti-depressants for years. After 20 years of this, I finally got up the courage and smarts to leave him for good. I did so, divorced him, and haven't looked back. I have never been happier in my life!! I have since met someone that treats me with the love, kindness, and respect that everyone deserves. He doesn't believe in yelling at anyone, abusing anyone, lying and cheating, etc. My ex husband did all of those things and more! I finally have someone that won't and we are sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy!!
I would say that since she won't go for counseling, and she doesn't seem to want to change, and you are soooo unhappy, then you need to leave. As for the kids, you need to tell them that it is NOT them that you are leaving and that it is NOT their fault, they didn't do anything wrong. They need to hear from you that sometimes mommys and daddys just can't get along well enough to live together. Of course, how you put all of this depends on their ages and their maturity levels. Why stay in a relationship where nothing is going to change, neither of you are going to have room to grow as people/a couple, and where neither of you seem to be happy.
2006-07-19 10:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get thee into couples counseling and try to work it out. If your wife is a control freak, it's very easy for her to get full custody in a divorce, and then your 3 beloved children will be held hostage and you will barely be a part of their lives anymore. She could even turn them against you (it's called "parental alienation syndrome" and it's in the DSMV these days).
And you let her verbally abuse you. You need to grow a spine. The link below is a resource for verbal self defense techniques. You do NOT have to let her bash you if you don't want her to. And you can deflect her without it escalating into a horrible fight.
Best of luck to you!
2006-07-19 09:59:30 · answer #5 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Inner peace is extremely important! The lack thereof is what is causing you so much pain. Everyone would like to think that they are totally blameless, but we all know that's not true. When you have inner peace, everything you mentioned, love, happiness, passion, they all come with the pkg. Find what you need for your peace of mind; prayer, mediation, discovering who you are really inside, will bring that peace to you. Happy hunting!!
2006-07-19 10:00:49 · answer #6 · answered by MsET 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2016-03-16 02:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her how you feel and tell her you want to go to marriage counseling. Try everything you can to save your marriage, and if after you've given it everything you've got, it still doesn't work, then you know that YOU did all you could. Good luck.
2006-07-19 09:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not leaving the kids just her, and its no better for the kids to see all that, and unless you want to die of a stress related heart attack when you are 45, then you need to go. yes , it is very important, and when you get it you will be so happy you will wonder why you didnt leave before
2006-07-19 09:53:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you want counseling or your walking. Its hard for someone who is never wrong to feel they need counseling. If she doesnt want to take part in the relationship then there is no relationship.
2006-07-19 10:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by ♠♣♥Rogue♣♥♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋