2006-07-19 09:40:35 · 12 answers · asked by mummyzgall 3 in Games & Recreation ➔ Other - Games & Recreation
MORON
How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!
How did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !
(hahaha)
Ways To Annoy People
Name your dog "Dog."
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
FUNNY DIALOGUES
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.
Camp Counselor: There isn't a B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one!
Polly: Why are you eating nickels?
Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can't remember anything.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?
Ben: Did you hear about the new dance called the elevator?
Mike: I sure didn't! What's it like?
Ben: It has no steps!
Teacher: Charles, please use "discount" in a sentence.
Charles: Yes, ma'am. "Does discount as a sentence?"
Teacher: Duff, please use the word "window" in a sentence.
Duff: Yes, sir, here goes: "I entered a contest but didn't window."
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil
Teacher: Say, you can't sleep in my class.
Student: I could if you didn't talk so loud.
HOW CHILDREN DRIVE THEIR TEACHERS CRAZY !
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
Student: The brain is a wonder full thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !
TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil :Mice
TEACHER : Good, now what's the plural of baby ?
Pupil : Twins !
TEACHER : What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil : Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters !
teacher:Why does history keep repeating itself?
student:Because we weren't listening the first time!
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!
Yo momma jokes
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family.
Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!
Yo momma so old, she older than yo grandma!
Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!
Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.
yo mama so fat she carry a toaster like a beeper
yo mama so fat when she farted i tried not to laugh but the floor was cracking up
yo mama so stupid she return a puzzle back to the store cause she thought it was broken
Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."!!
yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn OFF the surveillence cameras!!!
your mama's so fat, when she walked past the t.v. I missed 3 episodes.
your mama's so dumb, she planted 2 nickels hopin' for a dime
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TYPES OF FARTERS
VAIN
A person who loves the smell of his own farts
AMIABLE
A person who loves the smell of other people's farts
PROUD
A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine
SHY
A person who releases silent farts and then blushes
IMPUDENT
A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs
UNFORTUNATE
A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead
SCIENTIFIC
A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution
NERVOUS
A person who stops in the middle of his fart
HONEST
A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons
DISHONEST
A person who farts and then blames the dog
FOOLISH
A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours
THRIFTY
A person who has several good farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL
A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy
STRATEGIC
A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing
SADISTIC
A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate
INTELLECTUAL
A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed
ATHLETIC
A person who farts at the slightest exertion
MISERABLE
A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all
SENSITIVE
A person who farts and then starts crying
2006-07-19 09:42:34 · answer #1 · answered by KryssyBeyondBeauty 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
uhhh crystal m, you did not make that 789 joke up i heard it since i was 5.
Yo Momma
yo momma is so fat that when she saw a bus full of white people she yelled stop that twinkie!!!!
yo momma so old when moses crossed the red sea, she was fishin on the other side
2006-07-19 16:58:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend thinks the best joke in the world is..........
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
................. because it was dead.
He wets himself everytime he says it or hears it!!
I just dont find it funny, but hope it made you laugh!
2006-07-19 16:45:03 · answer #3 · answered by carolyn s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
y was 6 afraid of 7 789 get it seven ate nine
2006-07-19 16:44:00 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was this guy selling tomato's outside a church. TOMATO'S TOMATO'S he said , the Deane got out and said to lower his voice threes a session . minutes after he heard TOMATO'S TOMATO'S and the deacon warned him again. Finally after about 5 minutes he heard TOMATO'S TOMATO'S the deacon got out and squashed the tomato's on display the tomato boxes and the ones on his hands. the deacon went back to church mi nuts later he hear KETCHUP KETCHUP FOR SALE
2006-07-19 16:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there r 18nos n 17nos pppl stole from 18nos y didnt they steal from 17nos?becoz wen yew turn 17nos upside down it becomes lions!
2006-07-19 16:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by kit kat kutie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has wings and sucks blood?
-Always Ultra
2006-07-19 16:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by psykhaotic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did one snowman say to the otherone??
Can you smell carrots!
2006-07-19 16:52:23 · answer #8 · answered by Kirsty y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!
Lololol ;)
2006-07-19 16:44:05 · answer #9 · answered by MOTHERRR SOUP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make me laugh
2006-07-19 16:42:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋