I've been seeing someone on the side, who I think I'm in love with. I haven't loved my wife for a long time, we've just stayed together as a matter of convience. I really want to get out of this marriage, but I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to tell her. Should I leave? We don't totally hate each other, but we're just different people with different interests. We've just been growing apart over the years. I also think we got married too quickly, after 10 months of knowing each other. I don't think we gave ourselves time to really experience other things and other people. What should I do??
2006-07-19 09:29:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hm...wow this ones a toughy.
Here's the way I see it. If your not in love with her anymore then why are you stressing on whether or not you want to ask her? Are you upset that you might hurt her? Doesnt she feel the same like you just stated...as in a matter of convenience? I mean personally, I think you dove into something you werent ready for. The first mistake you made was beginning to see someone on the side. WHY? Why would you do that? I don't think that your really thinking about your marriage. I think it's more like your doubtfulness thinking. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years....4 YEARS!! im barely even 22....AND I live with him. Sure, there are days that I wonder whether or not I should be with someone else...maybe he does too I don't know...I'm young and "inexperienced" to older people or I should go out and try dating other people and if it doesnt work out then go back to him.....NO WAY!....but the truth is I wouldnt trade him for the world. Sometimes I feel like we are with each other just because we live together and dont wanna complicate things. But then again, why? Why should I leave what is going good for me even when we are at each others throat? And to be with someone else? Thats control and discipline and respect we are talking about. In my opnion, if I were your wife, I would just leave you for cheating. no questions asked...no excuses. Plain n simple...
See, I think you missed the point with what a marriage is. OF COURSE your different people with different interests. Thats normal....you guys will learn to compromise. You learn to give and take and teach each other new things. Thats what makes the relationship so great. But not total differences though. Dam, something musta been good enough for the both of you to so into marriage right? But how can you be so selfish and lead her onto believing you were still in love with her for so long? That almost makes me cry...I swear.
You know, love takes work. Sometimes it just isnt enough. It takes hard work and dedication and I dont think both of you are giving it to each other. I think somewhere in the middle you just gave up. And at some point, you guys are gonna have to fess up. Of course you think your in love, it's a fresh and new start to an adventure...But when will that adventure get old n boring just like the one your in now? I mean can you really picture yourself leaving your wife and being with this other person? Imagine...If you can then theres your answer. But please be considerate about your wife. Ask her how she feels....If shes willing to work things out, are you as well? If not, then you already know the answer to your own question. The fact that you brought it up already answers some of it up. I hope you realize what you are doing. Good Luck...I hope all goes well...
2006-07-19 10:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by Cloe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, make sure SHE feels the same way and wants out of the marriage too. Is she worth fixing it for? If the other woman wasn't around, would you still want to be married to her or is the other woman convincing you that you really don't love your wife? Either way, you need to sit down and talk to your wife FIRST. Don't do like my ex did, he left a note and was gone which is the absolute WRONG way to do anything, on top of that I found out I was pregnant about a month a half after he left! Now he's just being a jerk and doesn't want anything to do with the baby on the way because of his new woman who already has two kids!!. DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY.
2006-07-19 16:40:44 · answer #2 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing someone on the side is considered cheating..You should end your marriage if you say it's not working..Adultery is not a good sign in "GODS" eyes..Hate is a strong word..Love is too..If you did love her at any point in your relationship,you owe her the right to be honest as well as to yourself..If you really want to be with that other woman,do the right thing and end it with your wife..I would hope if you married her,you saw some good in her..Take care of you..
2006-07-19 17:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by blueboyswoman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long have you been seeing this person? More than 10 months?
You seem to have a bad track record when it comes to rushing into things. Are you rushing into the affair also? Trying to find a gain for your loss? I know that after years in a tepid marriage, any spark of passion is like a nuclear explosion, but step back and look before you leap.
2006-07-19 16:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by brian k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do both of you a favor and leave your wife, you'll both be happier in the end. Especially if there is no love anymore. Staying together "for convenience" is not a good reason to stay married.
2006-07-19 16:33:18 · answer #5 · answered by Bev 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to her and tell her you want a divorce and then go your separate ways. It will hurt her especially if this is out of the blue. OR she might be ready for the split. There won't be an easy way to do this. Good luck.
2006-07-19 17:18:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are taking the easy path and finding excuses for it. You are cheating and you are not working at your marriage. I guess you dont think your promises are worth keeping. And that the life you are building is not worth your effort. You would choose to hurt multiple people in order for you to take this path. Cheating is not right and you are just giving up instead of trying to work your problems out.
Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-07-19 16:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That pisses me off. I'm sorry but I see a bunch of excuses there and now your seeing someone? That is not fair to anyone in this whole situation! You'r not even giving your marriage a fair shake. Go. Its over. In your mind at least.
2006-07-19 16:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow some balls and leave! Tell her just what you told all of us...that you haven't been in love with her for years and that you want out. This leaves you and her to find a new way of life and hopefully better.....
2006-07-19 16:38:04 · answer #9 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've already left her emotionally and physically just leave.. but next time you consider marriage.. remember that marriage is a forever commitment and not something you just leave when it's not going the way you want and inconveniences you
2006-07-19 16:37:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋