My wife and I had problems and she complained to me alot. I made the necessary changes and she doesn't complain anymore. However, our relationship has serious problems: no life together, no intimacy; barely any physical contact- hardly any touching.
I am being mature and loving about our relationship. We went out for a walk and I expressed how I feel about our relationship and there's alot missing. I was specific.
She didn't have anything to say when I asked her what she thought.
I see no signs of improvement on her behalf. We love each other but we're not in love anymore.
Neither of us should live in an unhappy marriage. I will not wait forever if she has no intentions of changing.
I decided to wait one month from our talk, to see if she makes any improvement in her character; show some intimacy, show some interest in me or the relationship, or some initiative.
After one month, I'm separating.
Is this too harsh? Am I wrong?
2006-07-19 09:26:44 · 16 answers · asked by Sexual chocolate 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kids? any Kids? You can't leave till the kiids grow up. Kids need a Mom and a Dad (Family). No kids, then do what you gotta do to be happy!
2006-07-19 09:30:36 · answer #1 · answered by rudytute 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until death do you part...
Love isn't a feeling. It is an action... something you do.
Marriage is that commitment to love your spouse forever. That means you continue doing it, and working at it for as long as it takes! If you stop working on your relationship, of course you aren't going to see any productivity.
It takes a lot more than one walk & conversation to change a relationship. What do you want from your marriage? Do those things. Every time you see your wife give her a hug & kiss, tell her you love her, be encouraging & helpful... These actions may feel labored at first, but soon they will become second nature. If your wife sees that you are giving you're all to her, she will do the same. Have you heard the quote "lead by example"... that's what you need to do.
Any good marriage counselor will tell you that a wife's behavior is a direct REACTION to her husband's behavior.
You should not set expectations of your wife, but rather nurture & encourage her. I'm sure your marriage didn't go sour in a month's time, and it isn't going to be healed in a month's time. Patience & care... that's what it takes. In the end you will be glad you persevered. Do you really want the heartache of a broken marriage, especially for a pathetic reason like, "We love each other but we're not in love anymore"?
If you truly love her then stay with her... once she's gone, that's it.
She will never be part of your life again.
All the best!
2006-07-20 18:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by .·:*RENE*:·. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please go to counseling and try both of you working less to spend more time together. Go for more walks, take a class or two together, paint a mural on your bedroom wall together, just don't give up. Ask her if she still finds you attractive...do you still find her attractive? Plan a romantic evening together, massage her feet, play in her hair, just don't give in. I know sometimes it might feel like your relationship has fallen into some deep pit, but you guys have to be a team, give each other a leg up and get out of it together.
There is a reason why she is speechless. If she made a mistake let her know that you forgive her (and forgive her). If you think she has fallen out of love with you... Give her reasons why she should love you...take the initiative to hug and kiss her more. Tell her to sit by you while you watch T.V and cuddle her until the program goes off. whatever you don't give up, because If you were going through some sort of depression you would want her not to give up on you.
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2006-07-19 16:45:34 · answer #3 · answered by Frogster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being too harsh. You've already waited long enough to hear from her. But I would make her aware of this deadline so she's not caught off guard. Maybe she's just trying to process what you've said to her and decide what and how to change. You've done all you can do by being open. If she's unwilling to do the same than you should separate and try the dating thing again while still seeing other people. See if you can reignite the sparks that way.
2006-07-19 16:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a real try. First get couples counselling and at least find out what might be the problem. That way, even if you break up, you'll never have to look back and wonder why. Marriage is a lot of work -- that's part of it.
2006-07-19 16:35:32 · answer #5 · answered by Lynda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not too harsh or wrong but I feel that you should tell her your limitations. Does she say anything when you've told her these things on your walk? I think a month is a decent amount of time to see. Why stay together when both are not happy? Life's too short. Good luck!
2006-07-19 16:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not! marriage is a one of the most difficult relationship to have. A marriage has to have good communication and you don't if you can spill your emotions out and she had no response. Either the love has ended and she no longer love you. Or someone else is in the picture. Either way i am sorry but i think your marriage is over.
2006-07-19 16:38:29 · answer #7 · answered by christine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it was brave for you to share your feelings with her and as long as you let her in on your plan to separate after a month if she doesn't want a change then that is perfectly acceptable. it sounds like if she wants a change you may have to do some serious talking with each other and maybe even some counselling...if marriage counseling does not appeal to you maybe one or both of you would benefit more from individual therapy.
2006-07-19 16:38:33 · answer #8 · answered by tella stella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see how either one of you is trying and I dont see how waiting will improve things. You need help and you need it now.
Dont give up on your promises and find out what is the problem. Could be depression that could have chemical cause or it could be something else. You owe it to yourself and her to find the root cause of the problems in your marriage before you give up on it.
Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-07-19 16:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand, and you should'nt feel about it. Your wife's actions are what's forcing you to make such decisions. You're a good husband for trying and communicating. But communication needs to work both ways. I trully feel that you're making the right decision becuase it does'nt sound like a healthy enviroment for both of you. I wish you well!!
2006-07-19 16:37:44 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋