we loved each very much but when the summer ended he had to go back to college and i had to finish with a divorce from my then husband although he has calledthe child his all these years. i told my child a few years ago and she now is ready to meet him if he is interested.i have know clue what to say to him in a letter. i cant get his phone number it is unlisted so i have to send a letter. i have no clue what to say to the man i fell in love with and broke his heart . i hope someone can help. if there are any questions let me know . thanks
2006-07-19 09:17:17 · 9 answers · asked by niceroundsoft 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the man i divorced that left me for another woman,the woman he was with when i met my child's father, knew he was not the father all along and he is aware that the child wants to meet the biological father and has asked for me to contact him. my question is what to say to him. the dna test is no problem. i need some good advice here.i have no clue what to say,he lives 300 miles away,i have no phone number only an address,so i have to send him a letter. please help with some caring words and try not to judge to harshly. thanks
2006-07-20 06:37:29 · update #1
First send him a letter saying that you really need to talk to him and it is important. Do not tell him the news in the letter though. With in your letter to him, give him your phone number and any other ways to get ahold of you. When he gets ahold of you try to do the meeting some where thing if ya'll are in the same state. Telling him in person is much better and respectful then in a letter. If the meeting is impossible, then tell him over the phone where if he has any questions or comments at all he'll be talking to you and can verbalize them to you.
2006-07-19 09:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by Fantasy Kel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gods, what a mess. First you have some guy you divorced and made to think the kid was his (and did he PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR 18 years for a kid that's not his?). THEN, because of some middle aged angst, you blow everyone's mind and tell your kid "that's not your 'real' dad - this stranger is!"
sorry hon, the 'real dad' is the guy that raised the kid from diapers to college.
I would let your child handle it and stay out of it now completely. You will do no one any good at all by reopening old wounds. Let the kid and his biological father find themselves and make a relationship themselves, and stay out of it.
You think this man has just been sitting by the phone for almost 2 decades waiting for you to call??? What if he's married and has OTHER kids? Don't you DARE trash the life that he's made for himself without you.
If he wants to get in touch with you, he can ask your kid how to contact you. Until then, STAY OUT OF IT.
2006-07-19 17:17:31 · answer #2 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a short letter asking him to give you a call so you can meet up and "catch up." Sounds like you regret what happened in the past with how your relationship ended, so apologize for it. Give him the opportunity to contact you. From there, I would suggest that you bring up that last meeting before he went back to college. . . Say something like..... "I know I should have told you this many years ago, and I' m sorry that I didn't. But I have a daughter, and there is a possibility that she may be yours......... " Just see how things go. . . It's a difficult situation but if he indeed is the father, he and your daughter need to know each other.
2006-07-19 16:26:55 · answer #3 · answered by naenae4570 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write him a certified letter. Put all of your contact information in it. Tell him the TRUTH. It should take no more than 4 sentences to do so. Wait for 'the phone call' or the 'knock on the door'.
2006-07-19 16:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by NC_Pianist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is wrong on so many levels. You had no business telling anyone before him. Now he can only be bad in the eyes of his daughter if he does anything but accept her outright after you caused this problem. YOU have set it up to hurt 4 different people here because of you not facing your responsibilities.
Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-07-19 16:27:48 · answer #5 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the guy alone, or let your daughter handle the contact. You should stay out of the picture. It sounds like you are more interested than she is. You were horribly irresponsible then, it's time to be responsible now.
2006-07-19 16:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is simple. U complicated it 18 years back. U complicated it again a few years ago. Now don't be fool enough to complicate it more.
2006-07-19 16:38:22 · answer #7 · answered by binaryFusion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he would definetly want a Dna down, or not want the child is, i would just show up, and do it from there, so they can meet
2006-07-19 16:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On Jerry Springer, how else?
2006-07-19 16:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by kenway1023 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋