My husband and are are having problems with our marrige..?

Question

Every time i try to talk to him about it he don't want to hear it, or he crys and says i'm hurting him.We have 2 children together and i have tried everything i feel like i'm the only one putting anything into our marrige.So i told him maybe we should just be friends and he won't accept that either.. Anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

We have been together for 6 years and married 3

We are not selfish i do take my children into consideration i do not discuss this around our children they do know anything about it there still small and my husband works during the day till late

Answer 1

My wife and I will celebrate 16 years of marriage this year. As great as it is, we have gone through some rough ups/downs.

My first suggestion is to seek individual counseling. Yes, you can and probably should talk about your marriage, but truth is that each of you is carrying some type of baggage that needs to be dealt with.

My wife and I have both gone through our own individual counseling and thus recovery from our own dysfuntional behaviors.

Become familiar with the term "Co-Dependant" This is something that nearly all of us suffers from and that we are each responsible to change in our own behavior.

Keep in mind that you are only responsible for yourself and you can only control your actions or lack there of. After some conseling and recovery, you may be able to graduate to a "Life Coach Phase"...

Being a man and a husband, I can only say that your husband will either benefit or experience consequences of his choices towards building your marriage. I'll be very clear...one consequence could very well be the end of the marriage...however this should be a final extreme after you have tried all that you can in good faith.

The desire is for both of you to be in a healthy marriage together, however the goal is for each of you to be healthy individuals, and you can only take responsibility for your goal...not his.

best wishes, my prayers are with you and specifically that your husband can take ownership of his part in the marriage.

Fortunately I have had to learn...all though the hard way, my wife managed to stick by me as I have learned and matured into the person I am today.

Answer 2

Kind of vague regarding WHAT the "problems" are that you and your husband are experiencing. It is interesting that anytime you bring up the subject with your husband, that you say he starts crying.

Of course "counselling" would be the right answer, but that's too simplistic and common.

One thing I have learned about relationships is that the only person you can change is yourself. The only behavior you can change is your own. While you cannot directly change another's behavior, it is often possible to affect change in another by changing the way that you respond to their behavior.

So, since you are the one asking the question and wanting answer, then I am going to tell you what YOU can do. I am wondering about the way you are presenting the "problems" to your husband, since he is responding in a way that is not conducive to further discussion or interaction. So, let's start with you.

Perhaps you need to look at the way you are presenting the problems. If you were to say to your husband, "Sweetheart, I love you and I want us to be together for a very long time. I want us to always be close and grow closer in time. I think we need to spend some time nurturing our relationship. How do you feel about us? Do you feel that things could be better?"

Get him to provide you with his own viewpoint or perception of the relationship. When it comes to relationships it is all about viewpoint and perception. Being able to see things from your partner's point of view will help both of you understand how best to work through the "problems" that will always exist and always arise in a relationship.

A relationship without "problems" is probably a relationship long dead and gone. How you deal with those problems, how you manage those problems, and how you work through those problems together will provide you with the answers as to whether your relationship has what it takes to stand the test of time.

Change comes from within.

Answer 3

Your husband sounds like he might be suffering from depression. Or that he is using emotions to abuse you into staying the marriage.

The first thing you need to do is to set boundaries. If he does not wish to divorce, let him know what are the things that needs to be accomplished or this marriage will end where he does not wish. Boundaries have to be clear, such as "we will start sharing dish washing every other night," not something vague as "we need to talk more." Another wonderful idea is also seek out couple's therapy. If he refuses, which he might, then find a lawyer and seek counsel. Because you have been taking care of the marriage, but he still gets to enjoy all the glory of the marrige, is a good chance you have a battle ahead of you.

Answer 4

You don't have 2 children, but really you have 3 that include your husband,, acting like a kid I don't want to hear it and I am hurting, boo hoo, I don't want to be friend I don't want to be married and I don't want to be anything BOO HOO.

I think you should leave now because you did put alot everything into your marriage and he didn't. And you even try to talk about it and he don't want to hear it for so long what the hell. That not a father, husband or family man. that a Jack A%% baby.. You don't need third child you need real husband do better than this.

I am sorry but you are right you put everything (110%) into it and he not show a one percent effort.

Answer 5

Hi
I been with my husband for 6 years and will be married to him 3 years in October. We also have three kids. Communication is the key to any marriage. I would get him to sit down and talk about everything that you are going through. The faults you have with him write them down and let him do the same thing. You have to learn how to agree on some things not for each other sake but for the innocent kids. A lot of marriages fail because people fail to put christ first. Everything you need to know is in your bible.

Answer 6

Have you tried marital counseling? You have to realize that this is most definitely affecting your children. You both need to stop being so selfish and get things straight or else end the marriage because your children do not deserve all of this chaos.

Answer 7

I think the main question that you have to ask urself is if you love ur husband? You made a promise to him 3 years ago! Go talk to a counselor with him or with out him. I know some people think it is dumb, however, getting someone else view about things really helps! Been there before!

Answer 8

You have a man that does not like to discuss problems. Problems cannot be ignored away, and they cannot be 'cried' away. They have to be discussed. This is what 'grown' people do. There are many 'kids' in grown folks bodies. He sounds like one of them. Both of you need to go to either a good pastor or a Christian Marriage Counsellour. If he refuses to go, then you go by yourself.

Answer 9

He is going to have to open up. He seems hard headed so I don't know how he would respond to counseling but that may be your only hope. If that doesn't work and he's not willing to make it work, you need to move on and not give him a choice.

Answer 10

You should try cousiling or have a seroius talk with him and if he doesnt feel right for you try to talk to him but if you feel you guys dont love each other you might want to consider spliting up just for a while and see how you feel!! and you might try to take consideration of the kids it hurts kids to see there parents fighting but if you really dont love just split up and see how you feel!!