my fiance is so weird. he treats me ok, better than anyone else ever has, but he has a kid to his ex- who he hates- but it still bugs me. i miscarried last year, and it hurts to see her kid and not mine. i dont know if i can deal w/ it all the rest of my life, but i dont wanna break up. hes fun to be with and i enjoy my time with him, the only flaw is that hes not real sensitive at all, and doesnt show any emotion at all whatsoever. are these reasons to break up, if not, how do i fix my feelings???
2006-07-19 09:13:27 · 14 answers · asked by Erin P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off I'm sooo sorry about your miscarraige I have experienced the same thing October of last year. Part of your process of grieving and feeling better is to be sad, so seeing other children will make you sad. But time will let you see that your baby is in a better place. With him if these are things that bother you that much you should try counseling. And also not only counseling for the both of you, you should def. get counseling for your own feelings especially regarding your baby. I personally lost my child when I was 5 mos. I didnt feel bad when I saw other babies b/c I felt like my child had his own personality, but I did become extremly sad when my friend told me she was preganant. SO what I'm saying is, is def. get counseling.
Good Luck!
2006-07-19 09:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by Capricorn82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are only reasons to break up if you can't deal with them. Who cares if his ex hates you really is it any skin off your teeth? Also over time her wounds will heal and she will find happiness and not have time to hate you. You miscarried last year and I am sure that it hurts but you can always try to get pregnant again. A lot of people miscarry thier first time being pregnant and wouldn't it be better to have your child in wed lock anyways? It sounds like the biggest issue is the sensitivity thing. I know how that is and it can at times be hurtfull but then when they do show the slightest bit of sensitivity it means so much more than it would to anyone else. One thing that did help me deal with it a bit was reading the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus book. It was so good I read it in 2 days and when I did some of the teniques in it the change in my husband was incredible. Women always need this sensitivity thing and talking thing from men but think about it do we really? We can for fill most of that with our girlfriends and other friends. As long as my husband kisses me, sits next to me occasionally on the couch, gives me that concerned look once in a while and has sex with me that is all the sensitivitiy I really need. I get all the feeling sorry for me, listening to me vent, compliments stuff like that from my girlfriends. If you really love him, he treats you good, and you have fun with him jump in with both feet you'll figure out the rest with time. Good luck!
2006-07-19 09:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by Knock Knock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation; however, there are many factors to a successful marriage. You and your mate MUST love and respect one another. Also, there has to be a consideration of the other person's needs- physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. As imperfect people, we may lack in one or more of these areas, but the partner must decide if they can live with a person who lacks certain qualities like your fiance's lack of emotion. It takes knowing yourself, as well, before you can know what you REALLY want in a mate. Are you at that point in your life? There are practical guidelines to consult in God's Word, the Bible. Take some time to look up these Scriptures...Acts 20:35 and 1 Corinthians 13: 4,7 to start with. Also go to www.watchtower.org, and search, "How to succeed in marriage?"
2006-07-19 09:24:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know now that his kid and ex are a package deal. When you marry him, you gain them into your family. If you cannot deal with that (and I don't blame you if you can't - I couldn't)...do not marry into that family. That is dramarama and unnecessary stress.
As for him not being sensitive - uh...he's a guy.
PS - I married my wife with a kid from someone else ONLY because the kid was 2 years old, and the real dad was not in the picture. Otherwise, I never would have gone down that road.
2006-07-19 09:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems there might be other reasons----you are NOT alright with the fact that he is a father---period! This child will always be in his life!!! til the day he dies he will be a father--whether the child is in his everyday life or not!
Marrying him won't change that! If you cannot handle being a step-mother or the other wife----then you do NOT belong dating a divorcee---period!!
I know i wouldn't! but my sister did---and she wishes she didn't!! She has been married for over 18years---but the children from his first marriage have taken a big chunk of finances and put a lot of emotional strain in hers and his life!! The children they have together --- have missed out in alot of things ---since he legally has had to support the others!
You need to look at the BIG picture and realize it's not too late to walk away from one mistake---but if you wait til later it would be harder !
Know that JESUS loves you! God has great plans for you!!
2006-07-19 09:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is no such thing as a sensitive man. Don't let that stop anything. I have come to realize in my own personal experiences that all men are socially retarded when it comes to sensitivity, they don't get it.
And, cold feet is sooo normal! even though it doesn't seem like it. That's why there is the phrase, Cold Feet, it has happened so often it has a name! You will get through this,your child will come, and you can make it through this. Do not give up a good thing.
2006-07-19 09:53:57 · answer #6 · answered by Bean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having any doubts at all as to whether you're going to be happy, then my suggestion would be this...
Don't waste another second of your life being unhappy. He's not going to change just because you married him. Tell him it's over and move on. Or at the very least, do not marry someone whom you doubt can make you truly happy. When two people marry, their problems and situations become each others. If you're not willing or strong enough to handle his, you need to re-think your motives in marrying him.
Life is way too short and way too precious to waste being unhappy.
2006-07-19 09:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, DO NTO GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY!!!!! If you are resentful, hold off on the marriage, and tell your fiance why. Maybe you will get over it, and maybe you won;t. Its much better to wait and see, so if you can't get over it you aren;t stuck in a marriage. 6 months later, if you have gotten over it, then go for it. But don;t be in a hurry.
2006-07-19 09:19:12 · answer #8 · answered by cognitively_dislocated 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you fell in love with him having no feelings, the child thing is just an excuse for your frustrations with him and the misscarriage. Once you actually get married and try to have another child, you will feel better.
2006-07-19 09:29:16 · answer #9 · answered by duckface 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very old saying is. "still waters run deep"
and another good advice i had long ago that holds true "watch out for the quiet guys" sometimes their tempers can go off like a time bomb when you least expect it to
2006-07-19 09:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by Ibdreamin099 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋