self-esteem????

Question

My hubby is always trying to tell me that I am beautiful, and perfect for him, etc...etc...BUT, I catch him looking up sites for skimpy and naked women on the net, I only ever weighed about 115 lbs until I had our baby. And now that I put on some weight, I feel even worse about my body image than before when I weighed less...We have only been married a year, if he says all this crap about me bein the ONE for him, then why does he feel it necessary to still look at porn? I am NOT looking for a debate on porn, just some honest opinions...Thank you

I just don't understand why, when he knows how much it hurts me, he continues to do it behind my back, and yes I have tried to watch it with him, but I just can't get into it, cause I feel that is all he is thinking about when we go to have sex...

Answer 1

I'll put this as simply as I can.

I am a man, so I know what this is about.

I love steak, but ribs and chicken are nice sometimes also.

Yes, it really is that simple. Men like naked chicks. Some like fat ones, some short ones, some skinny ones, some any ones.

Answer 2

I think your question says it all...don't get me wrong you have a point on this issue but I think the main problem is your self esteem...if he ignored you and said your hard to look at ...ok..you have a point but he is not only not saying that he is saying the opposite of that...Be careful, If you can't except his kindness and you chastise him for his behavior...he might as well stop being nice to you if your going to be mean to him regardless...when I got married my wife was the most beautiful women on earth...after the first kid she put on alot of weight, but in my eyes, she was the most beautiful women on earth..you may not see it but believe he means it...your ugly attitude can change his view of you if you don't begin to see the beauty of it all too.

Answer 3

well a lot of guys look at porn, that doesn't mean there going to cheat, It's hard when you don't look like you did when you got together, but if that's all he's doing than be happy, he could be chatting with girls than just looking at them. I have found that watching it with them, makes them want to watch it less. lol
and believe me there not looking cause there pretty,they could be 90 year old boobs, and guys would still look. it's just there nature.
So don't let it get you down.

Answer 4

I could go into the deep, psychological issues involved here, herd instinct, differences between men and women, etc. but, in a nutshell, javelin is right.
There are certain parts of a woman that are specifically designed to be attractive. guess what? they work. We are attracted. Viewing the beauty of the female form gives us joy.
Walking down the street, my wife points out the beautiful women. "She was cute, wasn't she?" Or even better, "how do you think I would look in a short skirt like that?" Men are visually oriented, and she just changed my focus from a stranger in a short skirt to her in a short skirt...
In love or not, committed or not, men will look at beautiful women. Punish them for it, or punish yourself, and they will just do it secretly. Accept the fact that your husband is a man. That love, committment and all of that have meaning to him, but a different meaning than yours. He has different goals, different values and different drives.

your self esteem issues are making it worse. By drawing away from him, being uncomfortable with your own body, punishing him for being a man... all leads to you withdrawing the very thing he desires in you.

Answer 5

These guys are right...that's just the way men are...something fun (and might help your insecurities about his doing so)...talk to him about the 2 of you watching/looking together. There is nothing wrong with it, lots of couples watch it together. Does he come home to you every night and treat you good (other than your feelings about the porn)? If so....you have nothing to worry about. Join in with him.

Answer 6

He is looking to see something different. He could be out trying to pick someone else up, but he loves you too much for that so he is just looking on porn. I do too and I love my wife more than anything. She too is a little big in some areas but it is her and I love it. I do not look at porn and wish she looked like one of those girls. Lighten up, feel good about yourself, you have someone that would die for you, yes for you not the porn girl. Isn't it great you can make someone feel that way?

Answer 7

When I was first married , this used to bother me too. But as we got older, I really could care less. I knew he loved me and didnt blame him for wanting to see a hot chick once in awhile lol. he knows it fantasy stuff, not like he is trying to pick them up lol He has never been dishonest with me and has always done what he says when he says it. I trust him :)

Answer 8

Well, I trust my hubby.
I'm 5'3'' and I weight 117 and my husbands have some dvds in his truck of naked girls etc. I don't care, and I told him that. He started loving me even more for understanding. They are men, they like these stuff...don't you like to watch porno??? I do. And it doesn't mean that I don't love my hubby or that i would cheat on him...it's just FUN.

Answer 9

Hes a man, we get excited looking at porn, we like it, he loves you and thinks you are it. Quit worrying!!!

Answer 10

Looking isn't bad. If he starts cheating, then that's wrong.

Watch the nasty stuff with him. It might be fun.