My future mother in-law?

Question

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married. The thing is he is very much a mama's boy and she does everything for him. I think that she resents me a little because I am the other woman in his life. She also treats him like he is a little child and it drives me insane. I am not sure about all of this and I do not want to make my bf hate his mother, even though she is very annoying and controlling. I dont think 23 year old men should have to call their mother to check in! And plus the way that she talks about us to everyone and lets them know how much we make and how much we owe on stuff and that when we get married we cannot have a big house makes me really mad! I do not think that it is any of her business and she just has to know whats going on and tell everyone about it also hurts my feelings. It also makes me angry that my soon to be fiance will not stand up to her to tell her to stop. I dont think its my place. HELP! Am i just being jealous or controlling! Im freaking out!

Answer 1

He's never going to stand up to his mother! You can either live with a mama's boy or get out now!

Answer 2

Ok, I'm gonna be real honest with you here...I have a niece who is in the same position as you are...except that she married the jerk. Her Mother In Law has done nothing but interfere with their marriage from day 1, and it's only geting worse by the day and they have been married for 3 years, and had 2 kids before they got married. The babies are now 3 and 5. This woman demands that her son bring HER his paycheck each week, which he does, and SHE pays the bills...she gives them whatever money she thinks they should have for groceries and other things. She even went so far as to forge my neice's name on the income tax check and cashed it! Then, my neice got into a horrible wreck this year, totaled her van, and she was hurt bad...when she called the insurance, she found out that the van, which her hubby had bought her her as a mother's day gift, was not even in her name...it was in his and his mothers!!! So, when the payoff came, who got the money??? his mother!!! This jerk can't zip his own pants without his mother's permission...so, unless you can live like this for the rest of your life...I say....run !! There are some men who will never, ever cut those apron strings from Mommie! My neice is to the point of considering divorce..and has cut all ties from her MIL...especially not that the MIL is telling her 5 year old that SHE is his MOTHER, not his Grandmother!!! and she tells the kids that their Mother is stupid, and ugly and will never amount to anything...then these babies come home repeathing this stuff...she gets upset, tells her hubby about it..and he defends his mom !!! she even asked him who he loves more..her, her and the kids, or his mother, and he told her...above and beyond anything or anybody, he will always love HIS MOTHER MORE !!! Sick, is'nt it??? So..unless you think that you can change him...and I don't think you can...I say, cut your losses and run....it hurts now, but, believe me...you'll be better off in the long run. I'd even be happy to put you in touch with my neice, so she can tell you how bad it gets.

Answer 3

This is a disaster waiting to happen! Trust me, I've been there and know plenty of others who have also been in that situation. If your fiance will not stand up to her for you now, he will NEVER do it! I used to have a mother-in-law that would get drunk, cuss and say horrible things to me in the middle of the night, all night, while I'm trying to calm 2 crying babies and my ex, her son, would just turn over, face the wall and never defend me. It just got worse and worse until the next thing I knew, not only his mother but also his father and he were all ganging up on me. Fix this before you get married. Make sure you see some major changes in your fiance or don't go through with it. I'm serious on this one. It's not a good thing to get into. It doesn't work because the "man" (and I use the term loosely) loves the attention he gets from his mother and that bond is very very difficult to break.

Answer 4

You are in for a heap of trouble. He will never stand up to her and you just better hope and pray that there never comes a time when he has to stand between the two of you and pick whose side he's on. You have to make your place known. Let her see that you are a strong woman too and that your place is at his side now, not hers. You need to tell her that you believe family doesn't blab to others about family business and if she insists on making your finances part of her business she needs to control the flapping of her gums or you'll make damn sure she hears nothing about you and your HUSBANDS business. And if she pulls any of that I'm his mother he'll do what I say crap you tell her that he'll follow you through hell and back because you are the one ******* him.

If you don't make your voice heard now she'll be over stepping her boundaries throughout your entire marriage and you'll find yourself in an 'Everybody Loves Raymond' kind of life.

Answer 5

I agree totally with groovygranny!!!!!!!!! The mother should have LET GO of her son by now, but since she hasn't, and WON'T, then the son needs to let go of her. But, why should he? She is paving his way through life, and keeping him a little boy! You may think he is the man you love, but honey, he is a BOY!!!! It is not your place to say ANYTHING to his mother about this issue, as you will only cause more hard feelings. You need to talk to the BOYfriend, and tell him that he HAS to STOP leaning on his mother, and put some space between him and her, so that YOU can fit in there somewhere. Truthfully, there is little room for you right now. He is too much of a momma's boy, and she made him that way. No one wants to let go of someone who supports them, and babies them, and feeds them, and bends over backwards in admiration for them. BUT, when we fall in love, we have to be able to make a life with THAT PERSON now. If this fellow doesn't know that by now, but YOU do, it is obvious who is mature and who isn't. He is not ready for marriage, not unless the girl he marries will also let his mother run HER life, too. My advice is to let him go. Then, when you get to be 40 or 50, and you have a hard working husband, and a nice home, and a couple kids, and are HAPPY, go drive by this guys momma's house. You will see him sitting on her porch, with a beer in one hand, and she is sitting there, too, popping the tops on his beer cans for him, and you will say to yourself, "WHEW! I'm so glad I didn't marry him!"

Answer 6

I had something like that. And thanks God I'm out of it. But I remember what helped us a lot was: I asked my ex not to tell me anything about his mother, anything!!! Next step was that YOU ARE family, there are only two of you(yet...I mean a baby) and she has nothing to do with you, guys. She can worry, she can care, she can ask....but nothing then feelings. He needs to let her know that he is a big boy and he is now responsible for his own family and if he needs an advice he would ask first his wife and then his mother... But remember he'll always be her baby, and she always will be there for him. Try to respect.
But now being married and having mother-in-law overseas I understand further In-laws are the better it is for the couple. Even though my mother-in-law is awesome, I don't like to give her information about our life.
There is a wonderful book called:
"The Ten Commandments of Marriage" by Ed Young and Beth Moore. I suggest you to read.

Answer 7

By everything that I read in your question, it seems to me that you and your boyfriend are still too young to be making the marriage decision. Until he cuts the cord with momma, he will never be able to stand on his own two feet. Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? You're not just marrying him, you're taking on his family as well. Marriage is not bliss, it takes a lot of work. An interfering family member will not help make anything easier for you both.

Answer 8

You really need to have a long talk with Him about the role his mother will play in your marriage. He needs to understand it is time to move his center of attention from her to you. If He is unable to really accept getting her in place then let him go. Any marriage plans will be a waste if He cannot put her apron strings out of his life. It may be hard but having it end now will be better than wasting years only to have it fall apart because of momma.

Answer 9

Sounds like you have multiple issues you need to work out with him BEFORE you get married.
His mother can't keep him a "mama's boy" unless he lets her. And, if you're not telling her, where is she getting the info on how much you owe on what? Think about it.

Answer 10

HE has to stand up to her and set up boundaries for what your married life will be together. I think they both need counseling because their relationship is NOT healthy.

I think you should postpone the wedding until he can get a healthy distance from your mother, because this will ONLY GET WORSE and drive you insane. YOu shouldn't feel like the "other" woman, you should be THE woman...