I am not coming down on anyone but I have a question about...?

Question

postpartum depression and not bonding with your baby right at birth. I do not understand how some women can feel that they do not love or have a connection to their babies right after birth or even a few weeks or months later. I am not a professional, but I do have two kids and felt an instant connection with them at birth. I feel that women can use the nine months before they give birth to bond with the babies while they are still in the womb. Also, I don't understand how someone can be depressed after they have just given birth. If someone is depressed then they probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place. Look at Andrea Yates. Depressed for years and still kept on having kids. What are her kids doing today? Oh, that's right-she killed them. I felt the most wonderful feeling in the whole world after just having my kids, and all I am saying is that I just don't understand.

so far there has been a lot of good answers.

Answer 1

Depression that occurs after pregnancy results from hormonal level changes. It is biological, not psychological. It does not happen to many women, but those that it does happen to have no control over it. These women are no less capable of loving their children and are no less connected to their children than those who do not suffer from postpartum depression. Rather, they are suffering from an illness.

Answer 2

Andrea Yates suffered from Schizophrenia, which is a whole different illness than PPD.

Some women have "the baby blues" because of hormonal drops that occur after giving birth. There is no way to know if you're going to have Postpartum Depression or not, although if family members had it or you had it previously, your chances are higher. It's also not to be confused with Postpartum Psychosis, which is a rare but very severe form of Postpartum Depression. It is the illness that has resulted in women killing or endangering their children.

PPD doesn't cause you to love your children less and bonding with your child BEFORE will not change how you feel once the "baby blues" or PPD or PPP hits you. It's not a choice or lifestyle... it's a temporary imbalance that normally straightens out (most ALL women have the "baby blues" which is the subtler form) but sometimes doesn't without help.

Andrea Yates suffering from Schizophrenia is most likely what caused her to drown her children... PPD or PPP may have made her situation worse, but it wasn't what ultimately went wrong and may not have been a factor in their deaths.

You may have been lucky, but it doesn't mean you are invincible. The older you get, the more your chances climb of having the "blues," PPD or PPP.

I hope that helps shed some light on the situation for you. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are lucky to not have to deal with depression. Depression is just like many other diseases, and unless you have experienced it you can't possibly understand it.
Sure you can't understand what it would be like having pp depression because you never have.
Why don't you go online to NAMI, NIMH, WHO and check out how mental illness is on the rise? Also look at he research behind mental illness.
You have no idea of what goes on in someone elses mind! Perhaps you have better genes and a better family? Does your husband help you? Do you have supportive family members?
Do you work? Does anyone help you with your kid's?
Andrea Yates was mentally ill. her case should serve as wake-up call to society. Some women don't feel they have a choice and some women don't get help. What you have another doesn't.
You said you can't understand how someone could feel that they do not love or have a connection to their babies right after birth or even a few weeks or months later. Well I can't understand how someone can be so non-understanding and even ask this question.
I'm a nurse and mother of 3, no I have never had pp depression but some women actually do.
BTW most people with pp depression, CAN"T understand why either. There's not much help for people with mental illness in Houston, TX, where I live. Andrea was not the only one to blame. Our mental health system failed her and her husband ignored her cries. She is mentally gone and it's too bad for her family and those poor kid's but the fact is mental illness is real and our society does not help those mentally ill, they just condem them!
Again be thankful you haven't experienced it...never say never! Just be thankful for what you have and don't have, and try to stop judging the minds of those you don't have.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you don't understand. Let me tell you about my story. I gave birth to my first child six yrs ago. I was so excited right up until he was born. As soon as he was born, it was such a downer. I believe it was hormones. Not that I didn't love my son, but I was very sad & didn't know why. It took about a month for me to gradually get to where you probably were from the start. It's a hormone thing, definintely, & it's different for every woman. Happened again after my second son, too, though it took 48 hrs to kick in. &, it took 6 weeks instead of the month to feel better. I love my boys, they're my whole world. But I can see that hormones can be very destructive if not kept in check.

Answer 5

I am not coming down on you, but I am going to tell you the truth. You are asking every woman on earth to operate on the same value system as you do. Not everyone thinks having a baby is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to them! I don't. Not everyone has babies under the same circumstances either! You don't know the mental health of some women or the circumstances by which they are having a child. You need to stop being so judgmental and try to put yourself in another woman's place.

Answer 6

First let me say that I very glad that you did not have to suffer the horrors of post partum depression. I did and it was awful. My pregnancy was planned and my husband and I were very happy to be having our daughter. My depression actually started around my 17th week of pregnancy. It was not a constant depression but I did get the overwhelming feeling of being "trapped" in my pregnancy and not wishing anything would happen to my child but I just didn't want to be pregnant or have a child. Then the guilt of that feeling would overwhelm me even more. I PLANNED THIS! WHAT TYPE OF PERSON FEELS THIS WAY?

Then after my delivery, the depression seemed to ebb. Ha! It came back with a vengence around the 4th day of my daughter's life at home. She NEVER slept (still doesn't at 16 months) and wouldn't stop crying. Colicky is putting it lightly. My hormones were raging, I was exhausted, overwhelmed and wanted out. I yelled at my daughter. A "normal" person wouldn't do that. I couldn't feel like she was mine. I kept wishing someone would come and take her away. The depression climaxed around 10 weeks after her birth. In the middle of the night I got into my car and started driving. I live in the Midwest and my closest friend lives in California. I think I was just going to keep going west until I got to her. I was ready to leave. My daughter, my husband, my home. Everything. Nothing made me happy or smile and all I did was cry. I never had an issue with depression or any other emotional issue before. I was a healthy and well adjusted 33 year old woman. My doctor put me on Cymbalta. It only made me feel like a zombie. You can't be a zombie and take care of a baby. So I stopped taking the meds. Kept up with my weekly counseling. It's helped. I still actually have my moments. But with my counseling I can feel the beginnings of the episodes and can deal with them easier.
I can't imagine my life without my daughter. She's smart, beautiful and hysterical. Still never sleeps, but that's just her. I can tell you that my husband wants another child very much. I want to adopt an older child, but he wants one of his own. I don't think that even though he saw my crazy side come out he can grasp the haze of confusion and anger that post partum can put you in. I do not want to experience that ever again.

P.S. Not everyone bonds with their child instantly anyway, and putting a label on that person isn't fair. I've heard from most of my friends and family that they didn't feel an instant connection with their first, but did feel it much quicker with the 2nd, 3rd, etc.

Answer 7

No one is able to look at someone and totally understand their background, experiences, and situation. Many times the depression is an existing problem. Having a child or any life changing experience can push a person into a deeper state of depression. Its not that the mother doesn't want to love her children, something is hindering her from doing so.

Answer 8

It's ok to not understand ... let me help you.
Physical changes. After childbirth, a dramatic drop in estrogen and progesterone may trigger depression. The hormones produced by your thyroid gland also may drop sharply — which can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Changes in your blood volume, blood pressure, immune system and metabolism can lead to fatigue and mood swings.
Emotional factors. When you're sleep deprived and overwhelmed, you may have trouble handling even minor problems. You may be anxious about your ability to care for a newborn. You may feel less attractive or struggle with your sense of identity. You may feel that you've lost control over your life. Any of these factors can contribute to depression.
Lifestyle influences. Many lifestyle factors can lead to depression, including a demanding baby or older siblings, difficulty breast-feeding, exhaustion, financial problems, and lack of support from your partner or other loved ones.

Answer 9

It is hard to explain depression to someone who doesn't have it and never did. Imagine trying to explain to someone why a bug bite itches when that person doesn't feel the itch and never has. PPD is a real problem but it affects different women differently. That you don't understand is perfectly normal, as normal as it would be for you not to understand how bad any pain, physical or mental, which I have had actually is. What is important is to recognize the difference and not assume that your experience is the "right" one and others who feel differently are somehow wrong or inferior.

Answer 10

The human mind is the most complex computer ever made. We have many years before we understand how it truly works. But if you noticed Hospitals are doing more to watch for this problem. Doctors as well are looking for signs of this this problem. My guess is that some people are just crazy. I mean you must be crazy to kill your kids, but that gives you no reason to EVER be released into the public again.