My partner & I have been living together in South Africa for the last 18 months. We have been a couple for the last 4 years but more than half of that time we have been in different countries. Now he is going to study in the USA for one year on an F1 visa and since we are not married, I am ineligible for an F2 dependent visa and therefore I am unable to join him. He says that he does not want to marry to keep the US bureaucrats happy. We had not seriously discussed marriage before this time. Now it seems that I will have to return to my country of birth although I do have a valid visitors' visa which will allow me to visit him during his studies. He wants us to stay as a couple & get back together after 12 months but I refuse to. Should I continue with him even though it seems clear to me that he has no intention of formalising our relationship? Should I trust a person who is obviously willing for us to be separated rather than be married & together? Does he really love me?
2006-07-19 08:01:25 · 18 answers · asked by Isi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's making a lot of excuses why he can't marry you, rather than finding a way for you to be together.
Men who want to be with you will aways find a way. Your man isn't doing anything to that effect. Stop wasting your time. He won't wake up tomorrow thinking that he's going to propose. Move on!
2006-07-19 08:09:27 · answer #1 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To get married for reasons of separation seems foolish. If you love him and he loves you, one year apart shouldn't harm your relationship. And you did say that you can visit him during his studies. Don't 'trap' him into marriage by giving him an untimatum. And don't break up with him by his not wanting to be forced into marriage. That's no basis for a marriage. Just relax and trust him....marriage is not the most important thing in the world. The year separation could be a year for you both to grow. And when the year is over, you will both be glad that you didn't marry for the wrong reason. A year goes fast!
2006-07-19 08:10:29 · answer #2 · answered by irishME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I agree that a Visa is not a good reason to get married. (Especially if you haven't discussed marriage before). It depends on if he is wanting to date other girls while in the US, or if he just wants to wait until the right time. Tourist visas (depending on what your home country is) can actually allow you to stay for awhile in the US.... and some allow multiple trips per year. (you just wouldn't be able to work).
Have a heart to heart talk with him -- does he foresee marrying you? Is that what you both want? Lots of questions....
Marriage is a serious committment..... if you want it to last, you shouldn't rush into it. It comes down to trust.... do you trust him to live apart from you for a year?
2006-07-19 08:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by ga_morton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not this man's #1 priority, not even close. A relationship is about sacrifice. If you love someone and are committed to them, you make sacrifices to be with them. You cannot carry out a very healthy relationship for long periods of time from different parts of the globe. It's been 4 years and he not only will not marry you, but won't even do what it takes to stay in the same country with you. It sounds like he is just making excuses not to marry you. You need someone who will commit to you and make sacrifices for you.
2006-07-19 08:10:34 · answer #4 · answered by mye77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's difficult, it sounds like his principles of not bowing to bureaucracy are more important than his feelings for you. But if he doesn't feel ready to marry yet, doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't love you or will never want to marry you. The only way you will know for sure is to ask him to be totally honest with you. Tell him that you need to know the truth - is he using this as a way of cooling things off or does he really not see a problem? If he doesn't then he needs to realise that your views are very different. You need to decide whether you are willing to have a long distance relationship or not, and if not explain why to him. I hope that you find a resolution to this, and one that you feel comfortable with.
2006-07-19 08:11:38 · answer #5 · answered by bertha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do find it strange that he won't get married to keep you two physically together. Personally, I don't believe in the 'piece of paper' that I feel marriage to be, so I wouldn't get married just to satisfy society. But this is assuming I'd be able to live with the person I love. If the only option to stay together was to get married, then I would.
2006-07-19 08:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to flow on quite. let me allow you to understand what to anticipate from a guy's perspective. living with a guy to him potential he has all he needs so why ought to he get married. He doesn't pick to placed attempt because he's conscious he's were given you. let count number his advantages. you stay with him, you pick him to marry you so as meaning he doesn't pick to pursue you and in spite of you should do because you stay with him that doesn't ensue in case you've been purely courting. probability is you're going to waste time and in 4 years he will furnish you with better excuses. adult males who quite pick to be married and create a existence with a lady can't wait to do it. this does no longer look like a guy that has urgency. sounds like xbox is his first determination. in case you stay with him now why no longer get a cheap ring and get married? you could worry about youthful toddlers and a house later. in case you informed him this he may freak out and promises excuses that are BS. locate yet another guy this guy is garbage.
2016-12-01 22:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two old sayings that come to mind.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Your guy has made a decision to let you go. He's made his intentions perfectly clear. He doesn't want to get married or take you with him. And if you happen to be sitting there waiting for him to come back, as they say, that's 'your bad.'
I remember hearing once that people tell us exactly how they feel, but we don't listen.
He's told you exactly how he feels.
Listen!!!
2006-07-19 08:15:26 · answer #8 · answered by C R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this could be spme thing like freinds living together and loving each other, maybe he is no t ready to get tied down he needs time to think about it or he is waiting for the perfect moment, who knows? but everything will fall in it's place
2006-07-19 08:06:39 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go he either has a problem with commitment or wants to explore other wemen or just has trust issues ta;l to him about it and if he wont change than its time to move on good luck
2006-07-19 08:06:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jimbo23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋