You have children together and he wants to stay together for them, he has beaten you and you are just expecting that if you go back to him he will hit you again. You have NO interest in staying together but he wont stop calling you trying to make up for the wrong. What do you do?
2006-07-19 08:00:50 · 32 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is beating you then you press charges and send him to jail. You need counseling asap. Never stay in a place where you and your children are in danger. Only time will tell if he changes. He needs serious counseling whether you two stayed married or not.
If you divorce stay single until your children are grown because they have had enough turmoil in their lives. They too need counseling.
Hugs!
G.G.
2006-07-19 08:05:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have multiple options. He has a reasonable point in wanting to stay together for the sake of the kids, BUT this situation is NO GOOD for them and he has NO right to hit you! I, personally, would divorce him regardless of what HE wants, BUT depending on how flexible you are you could go through the court and get a restraining order against him and a legal separation agreement to work in tandem with the R.O. and set it up so that he has supervised visitation only and either at a leagally appointed place or with a court rep present in your home while he is there. On top of all that you can make it so that a stipulation of everything is that he get professional help to work on the issues he has and his behavior in order to have any rights at all as far as visitation and all that. If he does what is required and it changes him for the ABSOLUTE best, then MAYBE you can think about trying again with him. Be wary though! Guys like this are GREAT actors and manipulators! In my situation I had NO clue my ex was capable of anything hurtful to anyone.....UNTIL LITERALLY the day I married him! he ended up hurting me AND our child who was just a defenseless baby then. I put him in prison. Might be something you have to do to get the point across that you are NOT going to put up with it and HE can NOT do those things to you. Not sure how bad things are so use your best judgement. If all else fails, leave despite his desire to stay and take the legal route to control the situation in a way that makes YOU feel safe for you AND the kids! Consult a legal advisor. They may have additional suggestions! Hope this helps! Good luck!
2006-07-19 08:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might consder it (only might) if he starts going to marriage counseling and anger management counseling BEFORE he moved back in. Divorce is never the answer when children are involved but NEITHER IS ABUSE. Physical abuse is NEVER acceptable regardless of the reason.
If you see a good track record of going to counseling together AND the counselor sees significant (really significant) progress in the anger management then I'd give it another try.
You both have too much invested to let it slip away. If he is REALLY trying to make up for the wrong he will agree. If not, I'd go ahead with the divorce and set up definitive and restrictive child custody rules through the court.
2006-07-19 08:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go back to him after he has beaten you what has it taught him? It has taught him that he can do whatever he wants without consequence.
It will also teach him that he has power over you... you will do whatever he wants you to do.
Stop..... REPEAT STOP. If he beats you it will not be long before he starts beating your children too. This is a man that has no respect either for others or himself. In order to make himself feel like he is in control or feel better about himself he needs to beat those who are weaker than he is.
Is this really better for the children, or you? I don't think so. Go to a shelter... go to a relatives... go to a friends... Call the police... talk to a lawyer about what you can do to protect yourself.
He is going to hate this especially because he won't have 'control' over the situation but will be important for you to do this for your own sanity and the safety of your children.
Good luck with that.
2006-07-19 08:46:47 · answer #4 · answered by Bud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to do is call the cops. No man should ever be stupid enough to hit a woman! (And he will not quit - no matter what he says!)Then when they find out he is stalking you, there may be something else they can do to keep him away from you. Apparently if he has hit you he is lower class, so there is no use trying to communicate with him. The poor kids are really the ones I feel sorry for. Why do we have babies with brainless idiots?? We can get away from them, but the poor kids have to put up with them for the rest of their lives because they are their dads!!
2006-07-19 08:10:35 · answer #5 · answered by NANCY K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see mam if u have lost the trust in this man then u can never return to this guy ever , see u may be knowing better than me once the trust breaks the relationship breaks & most importantly he has hit u , what else u want more ,man who can respect a woman can make relationship wid her & when u r sure that he would do this all again than whats the matter of rebuilding the trust, so moral of the story is just dump him & start a new life with a new morning
2006-07-19 08:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by aks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady...this guy is into control...his sweet personality is just a cover...he has little or no respect for you or he would not have gotten violent in the first place....do not go backwards...the situation will get even worse...move forward...onward...there are plenty of guys out there who do not lower themselves to troglodyte levels and hit women....take my advice....from a man who was in an abusive relationship and the abusive person was the woman, if you can believe it....it never stops...it just gets worse...no matter how hard you try....move on to better fields and put this behind you
2006-07-19 08:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are certain you are ready to divorce, then do it. And if he continues to harass you, you may have to consider that he isn't the best role-model for your children at this time and seek a protective order. There are a lot of issues with children that have lived in abusive homes, even if they weren't abused. They know what's happening. They aren't stupid. Keep that in mind and evaluate the seriousness of his harassment. You know what is best for yourself and your children. Go with your instincts and finish the divorce and think about what I said in regards to a protective order.
Good luck.
2006-07-19 08:04:53 · answer #8 · answered by Lanie Janie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and don't look back he is not worth wasting more life on trying to stay together when you could be enjoying life with someone who will give you the lover and respect that you give them Good Luck
2006-07-19 08:03:48 · answer #9 · answered by Jimbo23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three strikes your out! The first time tell him if he ever does it again it will be reported to the police. Second time report it to the police for record! Third time report and then leave! You have 2 recorded instances with the police you should be able to get the kids house and anything else!
2006-07-19 08:07:07 · answer #10 · answered by Retarded Dave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋