My boyfriend of 3 years walked out on me. I am so sad,shocked,angry. How do I cope/grieve?

Question

He just packed up and left. It is awful, I am staying in my parents basement and need to get out of this struggle!

Answer 1

Just take it a day at a time! Keep busy to keep your mind off of everything that's going on! And Remind yourself everyday that you deserve better than that!

Answer 2

The first couple weeks are the hardest. I've heard that it takes something like 1/3 of the time you were with someone to get over him/her. That doesn't mean you are going to be walking around with a that horrible feeling in your stomach for the next year, it just means it will be a twisty road to get over him completely. At the end, you won't think about him every day and you won't still feel so betrayed.

Definitely remind yourself how awful he made you feel and use that if you ever feel like calling him or if he ever calls you, because guys tend to do that, go back on something when what they thought they wanted wasn't really what they wanted at all.

Anyway, it is almost a grieving process, letting go of something that mean so much to you. Three years is longer than some people are married, so it's also like divorce in a way.

Get all your thoughts out. Don't let them swim around in your head or they will get you. Whether it's writing or talking into a recorder.

Take up a new hobby so you have less time to dwell. Do stuff and go places you always wanted to, but couldn't because you had a boyfriend.

When you are ready, go out with girlfriends and F-L-I-R-T! Don't do anything you don't want to, but just talking to guys, you'll quickly be reminded of how desireable you are and how much fun time with girlfriends can be.

Finally, when I was getting over a long-term serious relationship I got this workbook. It was something about the 4 seasons of love lost or something like that. It's a series of questions that you can write about and it helps you work through the relationship and your grief. On good days, you'll breeze through. Other questions will be harder and you'll have to take a break from it.

Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 3

Just pick up the piece on go on don't think about it when my wife Left me for another guy 7 years ago now i was hurt my heart was broke i really felt like i was having a heart attack i tried to keep my mind on work seen my friends more and i asked God why me i could not understand i was so God to her it took me time but i did realize she did me a favor i am still alone but i am not going to give my self to a woman who cant be faithful and it seems that all the good women are already married i don't know if any of this will help you but you have to believe there is better for you out there be thankful you not going through a divorce and if there is no children involved even better Kids are great but there are to many that have broken family's you will be OK

Answer 4

It's really good that you are reaching out to others. I would suggest more of this. You'll need to talk over every painful, excruciating detail with someone who can just listen. That's part of the relationship-grieving process. When a relationship as long as 3 years comes to an end - especially in such a hurtful way - it can seem like the end of the world. Cry it out and talk it out until you're blue in the face, then try to go out and do something fun. Avoid destructive behaviors. Though I DO agree that a rebound is helpful, don't let this experience lead you to sluttiness - and don't hurt your rebound's feelings. I wish you a speedy recovery. :o(

Answer 5

Well first I'd like to tell you to hang in there, everything will turn out okay. What made him leave you ? After all that time, was it him or you ? I think you should grieve for a little, and if nothing gets better between the two of you, than let it go and cope. I'm here for you.

Answer 6

First, be mad! Grieve! Hit a pillow, scream into a couch cushion. Go hit a punching bag at the gym. Process this negative energy out of your body.

Second, be still. Be Quiet. Meditate. Search for answers within the core of your being. There's a part of you, deep down inside that knows the answers. Access it. Listen to it. Ask yourself, "What's the lesson in this for me?"

Third, ... a little perspective. To truly love someone is to risk that one day, they'll leave. Love is not "ownership". He was not "yours" any more than you were "his". You don't "possess" someone you love. TRUE love means either of you is free to leave the relationship, just as you were free to enter it. Although you may be hurting now, at some point you may rejoice that he in the fact that he had the courage to walk away from something that wasn't really working for him.

Human beings are "wired" for safety and comfort. Sometimes people stay in unhealthy relationships because they're "comfortable". They're miserable, to be sure, but at least it's "their" misery.

I wish you Peace.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that this happened to you. The best thing to do in this situation is REVENGE! Go to the mall and buy the hottest outfit you can find and wear in a public place. Have your hair and your nails done. Put on your best face and go where you know his best friends hang out. Act like you are just fine and on the prowl. Be flirtatious and friendly with them and if they ask how you are...tell them better than ever...you are free, free at last. Trust me, if a guy loves a girl for over 3 years and then just walks out he either has a brain tumor, a mental illness or is a jerk. He isn't worth your tears.

Answer 8

Sorry for your lose, it would have been easier if you knew why he walked out. You will just have to go through all the emotions that you stated, until you can see clearly.
Don't sit around and brood too long in the basement get out with friends, and try and pick up the pieces as best you can, hopefully the day will come when you wandered what you saw in him.

Answer 9

You might feel like it now, but it really isn't the end of the world. Rejection sucks, no doubt, but as time goes on, you'll get over him and perhaps be very thankful that it ended.

Meanwhile, I suggest you take great care of yourself so that you look sharp all the time. As well, concentrate on your education or job. Finally, go out and have a good time!

Life is too short to spend it wallowing in self-pity. Hang out with the girls, flirt with men and live large. After all, the best revenge is living well.

Answer 10

Listen, pain is a temporary thing. Get out mingle with friends and family. Look yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself he was not good enough for you anyway. Or to be frank, sometimes a good old fashion fling always helps ease the pain. But if you are that hurt , just allow time to mend your heart. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him and replace those with the things you like.

Answer 11

You had to 'feel' it coming, know what I mean? Someone just doesn't walk out and catch you totally off guard. But since he's gone, let him go. The way to cope/grieve is to begin to turn your attention to yourself. Make yourself happy, begin to think of what you like to do and try to center your attention around something other than thinking about him. Don't try to figure out the 'why'...don't try to get inside of his head, you won't ever figure it out and its just a waste of time. Go to a local bookstore, start reading and just get involved in other things with your friends. Let him go...and keep the dating 'bar' higher....don't settle for anyone or anything less than what you deserve.