What kind of a man spits on his wife after being married less than a month?

Question

Being married for almost a month my husband was upset with me and as we both argued over something very minor; he spits on my face. The following month, he did it again but this time he had me pinned down on the floor and that was his last time. The arguements excalated to be more physical as in his bullying tactics and twisting my arms and on the 11th month of marriage he tried to suffocate me. I did fight back until that last night but I guess what Im asking is do they ever change? No argument was over something major as in cheating or anything like that. The arguements usually consist of me spending time with my kids ages 21, 20, and 15) all gone but one at home. I am now in the process of a divorce - suffocating me made me run this time. I guess I just wonder why men do this and if they change? But, my biggest question is what did he mean by spitting on my face. What could I had expected if I had stayed with him longer?

No, there were no warning signs or physical abuse before I married him. It all starting happening after I married him. I thought he was a nice man; he went to church w/me; he would know some of the scriptures of the bible so I really thought he would be a good spiritual man but once he put that ring on my finger it all changed...I went to church alone, I did things alone....totally different man. After all the research I have done regarding abuse; his character was definately like a narcissist.

Answer 1

He was degrading you, and you are definately right for leaving him. I am so sorry that you had to deal with such a terrible ordeal. No man should ever put his hands on his wife, girlfriend, or another human in anger. For that matter, neither should a woman.
They can change, but it takes them wanting to and goingt o counseling and anger management and the like. I wish you luck in the future and hope that you can find a man who will love you the way you deserve.

Answer 2

No Sweetie, this kind of abusive man is not likely to ever change. He most likely lived his entire childhood watching this sort of behavior in his home. That kind of psychological damage is nearly impossible to overcome.

If he was treating you like this after only a month of marriage, I don't see much hope. The fights over the kids(jealousy of another man's kids and jealousy of the time that you give them)is so, so common with abusive men. The first thing that type of man does is to try to isolate you from your family so that you will have no one to turn to as the abuse gets worse.

I went through this for six years. I know how difficult it is to leave. There are so many mind games. The man always makes you think that it is your fault. When he has to admit fault, the apologies are so sincere. The "love" and passion in this type of relationship seems so strong and so real. It's true that these types of men "love" with more passion than you have ever known in your life. But it's not real love. It's not a healthy, adult love. It is dangerous and you could easily lose your life to this man.

Please gather all of your strength and follow through with staying away from him. And be prepared for having him stalk you. Things could get quite dangerous. Please, please be careful. I'll keep you in my prayers. This is such a difficult time for you, but I promise, you will be a stronger person once you put this part of your life behind you!

Here is a link to a site that will show you the signs of an abusive man. You will see that you are not alone and that there are many, many men like him in the world. You will find expert advice about how few of these men ever really change...

Answer 3

It's a power and disrespect thing. Spitting in your face is demeaning to you. So is hurting you.

Some people don't show their true colors until you really get to know them/ marry them. Maybe he feels that you are trapped now so he can control you and be disrespectful to you.

I have been with abusive bf before and it only gets worse. Not better. Chocking you is bad. You were right to leave. I am glad you got out while you could. Don't let his guilt get you back. Abusive men are really good at guilting you and making you feel sorry for them.

Just remember the way you felt after he spit on you/ chocked you. That way you won't want to go back to him.

Good luck and I am sorry you had to go through that

Answer 4

I'm glad you got out - there's very little, if any, chance that man would change.
He's an abuser, and would only get worse.

You basically said it yourself - he used bully tactics. He was a bully - if he didn't get his way, he would resort to violence. Eventually, there's the chance that it would have escalated to the point where you would be seriously injured or killed.

Men that do that generally have low self-esteem, and compensate by bullying those around them into submission, thus making themselves feel superior. In your arguments, you probably presented points that he couldn't refute, which made him frustrated, which led him to violence.

Getting away from him was the best thing you could have done.

Answer 5

You need to GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY- sounds like the physical violence is getting worse with each fight. Any guy who would spit in MY face-would be kicked where the sun don't shine and that would be the LAST time he ever did it. You didn't see this in him before you married him???? GET OUT NOW while you're still alive. If you stay-take some self defense classes and surprise his dumb a-- next time he tries something like that on you. Seriously-leave him.

Answer 6

Well, what was his his life like growing up??

was it a single parent home??? that has to do with alot of the abusers... Its just like when a mother tells her daughter that her dad is a bumb and that all guys are assholes and untrust worthy... the girl grows up hating men and never being able to settle down into a loving relationship...

same thing for guys but our hate tends to be more physical...

Answer 7

Whoa! First of all, he has NO right to do that. Second, I was in a marriage that was almost identical and I can tell you that you are in for more and WORSE!!!!!! Get out NOW!!!!! My ex did all this and more to me and it got worse by the day! He is now in prison for it, as well as for murder! I did not know about the latter until AFTER he was arrested for beating me AND our baby! By baby I mean 4 1/2 months old! Get OUT of that situation!
Why do they do it? Simple! Control! men like this HAVE to CONTROL EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE around them! The more you allow it, the worse it will get and the more control he will gain. It is a control factor, plain and simple! Dominance in the extreme!

Answer 8

You did the best thing by leaving him. He would have killed you!!! He spit in your face because he is a worthless piece of man! He is very jealous of your children and it would escalate into worse I am sure. No, I don't think a man like that can change for the better.

Answer 9

LEAVE HIM NOW

the spitting and the pinning down could lead to SERIOUS abuse. THIS MAN IS A COWARD and his anger issues WILL ESCALATE.

You don't think spitting is a big deal, but a mature, grown adult would never spit on ANYONE EVER. I am more concerned about the fact that he pinned you down on the floor.

YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THIS MAN, SO PLEASE GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET HURT

Answer 10

A stupid abusive man,people don't change their tactics, you need to run from this man,what do you think he will do about the divorce, I would get out of that area.
He sounds like a very jealous man, don't put up with this.
His he from a country where they spit?