My grandma died. My dad is now an orphan. What should I do?

Question

When my dad was 12 his dad died. Then my grandma got re-married and he died when I was 5. Now my grandma died. When I was little I was really close to her, but when I was in 3rd grade she moved to Ohio to live with my aunt and uncle (her daughter, my dad's sister) My family would visit about 3 times a year, but then my mom started to complain how she hates going down there (my mom is kinda stuck up sometimes) So then we started just going at X-mas. I liked going down there until I was in 7th grade b/c it got boring for me a bit. And last X-mas we went and I was kinda bored b/c my 89 year old grandma just talked about her sewing and medical stuff, so I just sat there with my sister and I smiled when they laughed, etc. so it looked like I was having fun. Then in a "thank you" card to my sister my grandma wrote, why doesn't Courtney like me anymore? etc
I don't feel sad for my grandma except for she died thinking I don't like her. What about my dad? I'm not one to really show how I feel.

Answer 1

trust me--he's also feeling guilty. not because of you but because of every teeny-tiny thing he's done. guilt is just as expected and common as depression when losing a family member or loved one. and there's nothing you can do except know you did try. concentrate on the good. makes it easier. also (and i'm learning this myself...told it to patient's families before but never realized how true it was until dad died two weeks ago) you really do need to talk it out to someone (our whole family bottles things in and tried to act fine--no showing emotions. and then one of my sisters had a nervous breakdown. and i broke out i tears just this past weekend at work after thinking i was dealing with it and coping absolutely fine. point is i hadn't been dealing with it at all but ignoring it and hadn't really talked about it to even my husband except to say it was stressful and strange). start a journal or blog, maybe suggest to dad he does the same because even though you or he may be glad it's over with --not being rude, but it can wear one out if it's a slow death--it's a wierd feeling to suddenly think "wow, i don't have a dad/mom/both anymore". as far as he goes, just let him know you're there if he needs you but don't pressure him to talk. you know how sometimes you want to talk and other times you just want to think things through yourself? just knowing you're willing is a help. maybe mention you feel guilty and someone said everyone who survives a death does so he knows it's normal...no one treats their family perfect. hate to say it but he probably is remembering some coping skills from losing his dad so that actually will help him to use them again. flat-out ask how you can help. he may not need your help but it's nice to know the offer was made. do not try to act like nothing's happened, it just makes things more uncomfortable and makes people feel isolated in their feelings/thoughts. btw--you are officially a great daughter for worrying about him!

Answer 2

well you know you like her. andlove your dad a lot