Marital advice????

Question

My husband has always had a lot of female friends and I had hoped that when we got married last year, he would talk to them a little less. But he still wants to call them and email them all the time. I know there is nothing romantic with these friends and I know he would never cheat on me, but it still doesn't seem right! And when I try to talk to him about it, he just thinks I am a jealous and controlling wife. Help!!!

Answer 1

You knew about these female friends before hand - its not like he hid them from you. Kinda silly to think he would change - they hardly ever do! You're just going to have to deal with it - if you are secure in your relationship, it shouldn't matter who his friends are.

Answer 2

Please put your foot down a little more where this is concerned. It doesn't matter what he thinks you are acting like when he says that you are a jealous and controlling wife. You want to know why he's saying that to you? Because he wants you to feel like your the one that's doing something wrong. He's only playing a mind game with you where this is concerned. There is nothing wrong with having female friends, but these friends have to be kept at a distance now that you are married. Call his bluff and really let him know your not playing anymore. The way to do this is to write a letter to him. When you write the letter don't hold back any of your feelings let everything out as if you were actually speaking to him. The reason I say write a letter is because he will probably try to blow you off or say what he always says to you when you tell him about this. Put this letter in his car so that he sees it before he gets to work or his underwear drawer, or any place you know he's going to see it. Let him read it when your not around. If he is on the defensive when he sees you, ignore him and he will get the picture. In this letter make sure that it is clear about what you want from him and what you will do if it continues. I know this sounds harsh, and you might not even be thinking about leaving, but this is were you have to do these type of things. You will be very unhappy for a long time if you don't do something about this now. If you try everything and he's still doing what he's doing, then I don't think you need to be with a man that is not going to respect your wishes. It's all about compromise and respect for each other in marriage, and you deserve this. There are plenty of men that you could have out here that will respect you in this area. You have to make the decision within yourself whether or not you want to be unhappy and let him get away with this, or stand up for the last time and try to change things so that you get the happiness you want so badly. I really do hope everything turns out well for you. No one wants to see a man they love or a marriage they have come to an end because of things like this.

Answer 3

Ok I read what U wrote twice just make sure I was reading it correctly. U said Ur husband has alot of female friends that he talks too and still communicates with but that U know that he loves U and he would never cheat on U. Who R U trying to convince of that?????
Just the fact that it bothers U says that Ur not REALLY sure if he'll cheat or not. If U really trusted him there would be no second guessing Urself.
It is possible for men and women to have some sort of relationship without it becoming physical.
But my advice to U is watch out..... Being married, Ur right he should have let up on the other "girl" friends and the fact that he hasn't would bother me also. He needs to realize that he shouldnt put himself in a postion to where there is a chance that something MIGHT happen with one of the other females.
Believe it or not honey, U should never fully trust ANY woman around Ur husband.....That's just asking 4 trouble. Even Ur best friend could in a moment of weakness turn on U.
Don't think it won't happen, it happens everyday.
Talk to Ur husband, tell him that even though U are certain that he loves U and would never cheat on U, U still have an uneasy feeling about the other females in his life and that it would mean alot too U if the two of U could have a seriuos discussion about it.
He needs to consider how he'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
Good Luck....It's hard enough to keep a marriage working in today's society without adding something else to it.

Answer 4

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 5

IMHO, he is showing you disrespect. As wife, you take precedence over mere female friends. You didn't say don't talk to them at all. just less. This seems reasonable. Only you know whether you are jealous and controlling. Assuming you are not, it sounds like he has a problem and you have something to be concerned about.

Answer 6

All the things we "hoped" would happen after we got married weren't fair to the husband.

If any of them are old girlfriends, there is a danger signal. Ask him if you can be included in the e-mails. Intimate friendships should change after marriage, your husband sounds a bit self-centered and insecure (needs a harem).

If you have not already, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN with this man until an issue this big is resolved.

Answer 7

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/b7yWH

Answer 8

What type of work does your husband do? When I worked in a retail establishment most of my friends were females because that was a large part of the work force. Now I am in the automotive field that has changed considerably as co-workers are largly male. If you know there is nothing romatic involved don't worry about it, maybe you too can become a friend of theirs.

Answer 9

I feel the same way you do, I live in New York and my GF lives in Toronto. She has a lot of male friends that she does talk to, but never goes out with them alone. She always tells me that there is nothing going on between them. If she does go out with them his GF is always there, they are NEVER alone. Do I get jealous, yes, but I must learn how to control it.

Answer 10

you are jealous and controlling. My husband has female friends that he talks to, emails and hangs out with without me. I have a ton of male friends that I hang out with all the time. If you have faith in your relationship and love and trust your husband, this wouldn't make you feel insecure. And you ARE being controlling if you start telling him who he can and can not be friends with.

Answer 11

I can't say I blame you. I have been married for five years, and I quit keeping company with a female friend out of respect to my wife. Tell your husband how you feel, and, if he gets defensive, ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing with guy friends.