I Really need your Response..Ladies and Gentlemen?

Question

Im married and have a very nice relationship with my husband. However, yesterday we had an argument.Then he came home from work and was preparing for gym and could not find his gym pants so he started fretting and so began throwing his and my clothes all over the room looking for his pants. I told him that he will have to fix them back and that he should stop but he still continued. He didnt fix it and this morning when i woke up I fixed it myself. Now he is trying to talk to me like nothing happened. He is saying that he akready forgot about what happened and is willing to move on but I seems as though I want to quarrel. Isnt he suppose to appologise for the trash he did????? Also I made break fast for him and he didnt eat. I am expecting too much fromhim or what???You u guys think i should just drop the wholdthing and just act as though things are normal??

Answer 1

My hubby and I do this too. Seems he forgets and acts like nothing is wrong. To my hubby, small fights like this are nothing bad. Every couple fights about small, inconsequential things. Big things to me, don't have the same impact to him. I nurse a grudge longer than him, but eventually I get over it and see how silly it was. Talk to your husband. Maybe there's something else bothering him that's making him like that. Or maybe he's just like mine..

Answer 2

It isn't that you expect to much from him, but that you don't have enough respect for yourself.

Mistake #1: Why did you pick up the mess he made with the clothes? If you told him to do it, why didn't you leave it there until he did? (Days or weeks if needed.) Obviously he doesn't take you seriously... and why should he? You make empty comments... you say things, but don't follow through with them.
Throwing the clothes around was probably his way of letting frustration out. Let him do that if he needs to (it isn't hurting anyone), but also let him clean the mess once he has calmed down.

Mistake #2: You should have simply left the room. Rather than say something while he is having his tantrum, ignore it. By throwing stuff he wants you to acknowledge his frustration, but that moment isn't the right time. You are only encouraging negative behaviour at that point. By you telling him to clean the mess, you only added fuel to the fire. He probably, left it there to feel in control... an "I'll do what I want" action.
Once he has relaxed is a much better time to talk to him... nicely and as an adult... not pointing blame or nagging. The clothing mess isn't the problem... it was a result of the fight the day before.

Mistake #3: Not resolving your argument immediately. Have you ever heard "don't let the sun go down on your anger." It is a very wise quote meaning solve your differences asap. When you got into your initial argument why didn't you fix it right away? If a pipe burst under your sink would you leave it until it flooded your house? No. So why let your emotions fester until they blow up into a bigger ordeal.
The worse mistake you can make right now is to act like nothing happened. You still have not resolved your initial problem. You both need to sit down and talk about it, not argue about it. You are suppose to support eachother & work through situations as husband & wife. Remeber that you are not in competition with each other... marriage isn't a contest to so who is right & wrong. When you fight you both suffer. Don't let your pride stand in the way of an apology, and definitely don't let petty problems ruin your day (or days). Is what you were fighting about worth all this hassel?

Remember "I'm sorry" & a big hug can go a long way. You probably don't feel like touching your hubby right now, but hug him anyway. Sometimes you need a little "I still love you" reminder in order to see the situation clearly.

Answer 3

I do not think you should just drop it. But, also I do not think you should go into the conversation looking for an apology. I think the more important thing to focus on here is the "whys" of what happened. It sounds to me that you are saying this behavior as something that is unusual for him. Whenever someone acts in an unusual manner, it is important to focus on 'why' they are acting as they are instead of focusing on how they are acting and it is also important to not take it personally and seek an apology. Marriage is about being there for one another and trying our best to understand and accept the other. Abusive behavior (though the abuse was not physically towards you) is unacceptable in any relationship. You are more owed an explanation than an apology. It may be best to approach this situation by stating a version of the above and then asking him what caused him to feel as he did, also asking him to identify how it was he felt, offering various emotions to him as it is often difficult for men to identify an emotion. (frustrated, etc.). Generally men will catagorize emotions as either negative or positive and usually this means we will hear from them that they felt either good/happy/okay or mad/angry. When the real emotions could be lonely, depressed, slighted, embarassed, frustrated, etc. Ask him if something occured during the day that upset him enough to cause a change in his normal behavior pattern. Sympathy and understanding is what makes for a long marriage. As well, though, marriage partners must respect one another, and he did show you disrespect through his behavior. So, you are entitled to an explanation. Try to be a sounding board for him and allow him to express his feelings and help him to find out why he acted as he did and let him know that you find it to be unacceptable behavior in your marriage. Do not make that statement as a threat to leave, but rather as a way of letting him know where your boundaries are.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Was it wrong for him not to clean up? yes. Is it worth dragging out? Probably not. You have to ask yourself this question--do we want to carry on this argument? Is it worth It?

Yes, he acted immature and childish. Sometimes guys do this. I try not to, but I am a skulker. I have a hard time in getting over a letdown/disappointment or when my kids take advantage of me. Luckily my wife (after letting me know what I am doing) ignores me and we go on with life.

Life provides disappointments with our spouses (it works the other way too) and life isn't fair. Should you just go own as things were normal? Today's a new day and yesterday probably won't affect it.

Now if he continues to carry on, there is something else bothering him and that you need to find out. When he is civil it might be good to calmly discuss what happened and explain you were disappointed (a VERY good word) that he didn't help you clean up and you would appreciate it if next time he would help you with the clean up.

Most men respond well to this. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Keep calm. Next morning just continue ur normal works. Just tolerate a bit & never try 2 touch whatever he left on the floor.! 1 or 2 days over, nevermind. Sure he'll Qtion you. Then answer him, thats his good job, why should u fix them up? U wanna know what he will say to u? Maybe an apologise ....a respect ...a great surprise....is that from then onwards this thing will never repeat!

Answer 7

I don't think that you should drop it. Miscommunication or the lack of communication is a major issue in relationships and your husband should learn that it's important to work out your problems not just ignore them. And if you feel that it's important to talk this thing out then it's not gonna go away if you ignore it. You and your husband should try harder to talk about things that are bothering you both. Maybe the fight you had isn't the only thing bothering your husband and maybe you feel the same too. So make an effort to get him to talk and say to him flat out that you don't just want to ignore this and move on because if you bottle everything inside of you it may come out in a bad way later on.

Answer 8

No, i think he need to apologize to you and next time i would not clean up the clothes, leave them there until he does. He is taking you for granted and if you let it continue you will be miserable. Put your foot down now. Tell him how he is making you feel and you would like things to change. If he can not respect you enough to listen to how you feel then i would rethink the marriage. Good luck!!! I hope it all works out!!! God bless you and your husband!!!

Answer 9

Go back to normal BUT tell him in a sweet way how mean he was,and how much did it hurt you,explain how are you doing your best to comfort him and show him how much you care..that would make him feel guilty enough and regret what he did,btw sometimes i do stuff like that,its not because i don't care,but most of the time its because someone has annoyed me outside the home or something ...later on i regret it deeply.

Answer 10

I would drop this one since it's the first time. But watch out coz if he really can't remember there's something deffently wrong. But he should also realize that he shouldn't throw things all over and expect you to pick it up. If it happens again leave things where they lie and see how long it takes him to pick things up. He shouldn't take advantage of you.