The last period I had was the end of May. We broke up a month ago and it has been very hard for me. I called him today and he didn't want to talk. I am in my late twenties and am not ready for this. He does have a right to know. How do I tell him if he won't listen?
2006-07-19 07:09:52 · 32 answers · asked by badgirlplease 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
NO!
If I had to do it over again, I would have had my baby by myself and saved myself 20 years of torment.
I had a boyfriend for a year, we fought all the time, he moved away, then I found out I was pregnant. I called him up and told him, since I thought he should know.
First he wanted me to get an abortion, and I knew I didn't want to do that. I already had done that once, and it was not the answer. I wanted another baby, but not ready to get a husband.
He used it as leverage to guilt/badger me into marrying him. I was afraid, alone, 10,000 miles from my family, so I married him. He said he deserved to know his child, and his child deserved to know his daddy. He made me promises.
NONONONO! He turned out to be an absent father, mean and controllng when he was home. He made promises and broke them, he spent money we didn't have. Our son hates him.
I divorced him after 17 years of misery, and he promptly married the woman he swore he was NOT sleeping with. He tried to convince me I was hallucinating.
If I could rewind, I would have kept my secret, raised my son to love and respect me, be responsible for himself, and be the kind of man his daddy wasn't. I would not have asked for support, because I could support myself and my own decisions. When you get money, you have to deal with the payback. It is a high price.
If you can't take this on alone, I recommend abortion. Children deserve to be loved and taken care of. They do not need to start life as a mistake.If you can afford and are mature enough to go it alone, then that is what you can do.
Whatever you do, you two broke up for very good reasons. Don't forget them. They will get worse with time, and pressure, and the stress of having someone tell you how to raise your baby.
Good luck to you, honey!
2006-07-19 07:39:47 · answer #1 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It isn't going to be easy, but he does have a right to know. I would not want to be threatening or nasty about it. A child is a wonderful thing, not a weapon or a problem. Let him know (either via phone, voicemail, email, or letter) that you have something very important that you need to speak with him about (and soon).
You have very little time to make choices and you need to talk to him really soon. Make sure he knows that you aren't stalking him or trying to get back together with him, you just have some sensitive information to discuss with him. Hopefully, he will come around. If not, you will just have to blurt it out. However, I do not recommend the Jerry Springer show as an option. :)
No matter what happens or what you decide, remember that, no matter how you currently feel about each other, there is now a child involved and the problems you have with each other are not the child's fault and not the child's problem. Don't ever get spiteful with each other over money or visitation. In the end, it will destroy the child's spirit.
Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out for the best.
2006-07-19 07:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by MJL613 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very simple. Try to call him again. If that doesn't work send him a certified letter (with a signature confirmation) filling him in on the news complete with a photo of that pregnancy test through the Post Office. That way, there is a certified receipt that he got your letter. Keep it for legal reasons. And don't you dare let him off that child support hook. If you do decide to keep the baby (and that is 100% your choice, don't let these people tell you otherwise!!!!) he is 50% responsible. He may not want to see the baby, but he does need to help. He may have better health insurance or something else that you could need down the line. DO NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK!!!!!! There are agencies that can assist you in getting help from him once the baby is born. And if you need help, please look into WIC or other government funded programs.
2006-07-19 07:29:01 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to call him and tell him "before you hang up I have something to tell you".....MAKE him listen!! Then just tell him...but be ready for the typical exboyfriend response of..."Its not mine!"......if he acts like a jerk, just tell him that you thought he had the right to know and that you will be getting a paternity test after the baby is born to prove it, then tell him it is his decision whether he wants to be a deadbeat or a loving father that takes part in HIS childs life!!! Good Luck....
2006-07-19 07:13:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would wait until you are at least through your first trimester because miscarriage is common. Then I would call him and tell him right away. Also, look into getting some counseling for yourself. Babies are work, but a real blessing too. If you are sure you don't want a baby/aren't ready look into adoption. There are lots of people that are ready, but can't have children. You would be sharing your blessing with them.
2006-07-19 07:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by avonez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if you can't get him to talk over the phone after repeated attempts. Then a letter is a good way to go. Write him a letter, with pen and paper. Mail it to him, with no return address so he does not know it is you, so that he will open it. Then write in the letter exactly what is going on and how you feel and tell him that you want him to contact you asap. If you live in the same town it should get there in a day.
2006-07-19 07:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by nym_psuedo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him a message? go to his house and demand he listenes.. those types of things. If he doesnt want anything to do with the baby you will still get child support. If he denies the baby being his, when the child is born get a DNA test and then itll prove it is. again he will have to pay child support period. dont let him walk all over you, and your right he does need to know, not only for courtisey reasons but legal ones as well espcially if he is going to leave you out to dry.
2006-07-19 07:22:57 · answer #7 · answered by sera 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Call him up and blurt it out - that way you will know he has heard it - then talk about it.
2. If he flat out won't talk, write him a letter with the news and your thoughts and send it to him certified mail or some ther form of signature required.
Of course, how much you tell him really depends upon how much you want him involved. Consider that.
2006-07-19 07:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Chris H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does have a right to know. If he won't listen, leave an email or voice mail. Something like, "hey dude, I haven't gotten my period and this is for real, not a trick to try to get you back. gimme a call". Don't expect him to be happy or excited or to even call you. Take care of you and your baby and go from there.
2006-07-19 07:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by therego2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow is that a tough one! Since he is your ex he definitely won't want to listen to anything you have to say, so chances are you'll probably have to leave a message or send a card to him by mail. (I personally would opt for both!) I hope things work out for you, and I wish you the best. Stay strong and have nothing but love for your baby.
2006-07-19 07:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋