It's been 3 years since he left, I have met and am living with a good man who loves me. I love him too, but every day I thnk of the EX. I know I still love him, and don't want to. He left me after meeting someone else, 10 years younger.
2006-07-19 06:28:50 · 11 answers · asked by thatladybugc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry to hear that he left you, but it does happen even if we do not THINK it is right, but eventually it may be what was best for you. Give yourself some time 3 years isn't that long after 30+ yrs.Stop and ask yourself, did you really take the time to be with just yourself? Or did you jump into the next relationship to make yourself feel wanted and needed, we as women tend to do that. I would suggest you right down what you like to do and then do them things that you would want to try and never have done before. REDISCOVER who you are and your self-worth. We chose to be with someone but we never really NEED anybody. It is the companionship that we look for, be happy with yourself.. JUST BE YOU!! YOU WILL BE OKAY!!
2006-07-19 06:36:56 · answer #1 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine at age 59 left me for a teenager...41 years younger than himself and 32 years younger than me. I was crushed. I wasn't a big person to begin with but after 6 wks. I had lost an additional 35 pounds. So, I know how devastated you felt.
I want to say it takes time...which I hated to hear...and which may not be the case in your case - if it's been 3 years, and if you're living with someone.
There's all kinds of love. You say you love this man and he loves you....well, if after 3 years you're still hung up on your EX something is big time wrong. I think somewhere along the line you're trying to take some kind of blame for a failed marriage...that moves you beyond seeing what he did and how you know he really feels about you...NOTHING! You need to take a long hard look at the past - how deeply you loved, how deeply it hurt you, and how absolutely nothing your EX holds in his heart for you. You need to walk away from feeling responsibility and guilt...if you do some soul searching you'll honestly admit that I've hit the nail on the head. I know because I was there. Now I'm married ... before we became engaged I couldn't love this man without thinking of my EX off and on almost every day. Finally one weekend I just took a long, hard look at the past and how bright my future might be if I tried living in the present and not the past.
The thing that got me through was living ONE DAY AT A TIME IN THE PRESENT. With every thought of your EX just emphasis to yourself that he has nothing in his heart for you and it's time to move on. I don't know if you finally brain wash yourself or what...but I remember saying to myself..."Gosh I think I've been 2 days without even thinking of my EX"..then it became less and less frequent - but at the same time I was making a very conscious effort to enjoy life - my life - and try looking toward tomorrow.
2006-07-19 13:46:03 · answer #2 · answered by 55PAT33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very tough to get over someone you've loved for 31 years. And truthfully, you never truly will. There will always be a part of your heart that will belong to your ex. However, that doesn't mean that you can't move on and love again. For me, after my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me, I was devistated, and even after we broke up, I couldn't get him out of my mind, or what he did. I did get tired of being so depressed and sad though, and took matters into my own hands. I concentraited on other things, and everytime I even thought about him, I quickly shoved it out of mind. Soon, time began to heal, and I got over him after 2 years. The trick is to not think about it, I think. Try to get involved in a few activities that you might enjoy. As for the man you live with now, be honest and let him know the truth. You care, but you are not ready to move on yet, and need help in healing. If he loves you, he'll respect that, and help you to push forwards with your life. Hope that helped some!
2006-07-19 13:37:20 · answer #3 · answered by Maico 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were betrayed by your partner. Who can get over that and really move on. There will always be a special space in your heart for him. But the truth is the truth, as painful as it is. Its great that you found someone else. With 31 years you can only miss someone and never forget. They say time heals but thats a pile of crap, it only makes it less painful. Good luck, and keep venting. Its the best therapy for you.
2006-07-19 13:42:46 · answer #4 · answered by ♠♣♥Rogue♣♥♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind yourself that if he left you, that he was ultimately not there with YOUR best intentions in mind. Only his own. Tell yourself that YOU deserve better. Remind yourself that the relationship was over for a reason - perhaps to force you to see and draw upon your own inner strength and develop ones which you have not used before. Go out and do things you haven't done before - work on creating a new "version" of you - one which doesn't rely on the love of someone who rejected you in order for you to be happy. Develop interests.... start looking at the world differently... make it what you want it to be, rather than just waiting for someone else to make it that way for you.
Is it fair to be with another until you can say that you are "over" another? Not really - unless you are able to be with them and not compare them to your previous - and unless you can commit to them wholeheartedly. Otherwise, they are simply a substitute.
I have gone through two divorces, so I know how awful it can be. The feelings of loss, betrayal, failure, etc. are the worst. Sometimes you just have to let the bad feelings wash over you and they do pass, but you do also have to make an effort to make your life more positive for yourself as well. Good luck to you. It will get easier - a new life will emerge for you as soon as you start welcoming one in.
2006-07-19 13:42:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! That must have been so painful for you. For whatever reason it appears that your heart has not healed yet. Sounds like it is time for you to get some professional help. You may always love your ex but you do need to find a way to move on. It seems like you are stuck. So, please get some counseling. You'll feel better if you do. God bless!
2006-07-19 13:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by celticwoman777 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to seek counseling. It sounds like you still have issues with him and wonder why he left (besides the age difference).
2006-07-19 13:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by mergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just take one day at time and give it time, then you will start to move on. try looking for someone else.
2006-07-19 13:34:34 · answer #8 · answered by andjoysmith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
life goes on it's okay to think about him we all think about someone in our past some good some bad
2006-07-19 13:35:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say move on--there are better things ahead for you!!!
2006-07-19 13:42:28 · answer #10 · answered by hrry_tws 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋