My 5 year old daughter won't look at or even talk to my boyfriend? Can someone give me some solutions?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. My daughter was with my parents until she finished kindergarden and she came to live with us a month ago. She is so mean to my boyfriend. He is nothing but nice to her. She met him at Christmas and she seemed to like him alot but now its like she hates him. She wont even say his name. She won't answer him when he speaks to her. She looks at him with hatred in her eyes. Its causing problems in our relationship and I am afraid that we will break up because of it. He's trying to be a part of her life but we dont know what else to do. It's tearing us apart. Hes getting upset about it and so am I. I am in desperate need of help here.

Answer 1

As much as you want your daughter and your boyfriend to get along you need to slow things way down for her sake. Even though she met him 7 months ago she is just getting to know him. It's something that cannot and should not be forced. You and your boyfriend are the adults here and need to act accordingly. If your boyfriend really loves you he'll be willing to back off, stop trying to "make" her like him. It may take a few months for her to accept him into her life. Don't rush her. Not only will she resent him, but she'll learn to resent you as well. I'm not saying you should condone her being "mean" or rude to him. But she shouldn't be forced to be nice either. However, she should treat him with respect ... be polite to him. At this point you should be the only one providing her with discipline. Given time and no pressure I'll bet she'll eventually come around. She's had a lot of changes in her life. Apparently you moved away. She lived with her grandparents. She probably missed you and now resents having to share you with someone she sees as an interloper. Now she's been back with you for a month but it's not the same because he's there. So, please, give her time to adjust. If he leaves you because of this then he's not the right guy for you and you'll be better off without him. She needs to be your number one priority. God bless!

Answer 2

The child knows no better.At this age she is shy around him.It takes time and sometimes with a child of this age,it could take a couple of years.Children at this age run between parents.One month,week,or day they will only want mom and then all of a sudden they change and only want dad.There is nothing wrong with a child being this way,it is perfectly natural and even more natural to see this kind of behavior from a child that has lived part of their life with one person and now changes.The child is probably feeling a little unsecure at this time and will have to grow to love and gain the trust of someone else being around.Just think,your boyfriend has 5 years of trust to gain and it is not going to happen overnight.If this is causing problems then I suggest you and your boyfriend seek some counseling or take some parenting classes together.Parenting classes and counselors can tell you the different actions of children and what to expect at different ages.Getting upset will only make things worse.The child at this age can sense that something is wrong and will only be more out to avoid this situation and these people because what little trust they may be gaining is only forgotten and they have such a small time retention frame for what they can remember that they forget the trust and only see an upset person that they do not like at the time.A 5 year old can remember certain thing that attract them for a long period but their tension span on memory at this age is around 10 minutes.In other words,what they hear or learn this minute will be totally forgotten in about 10 minutes.This is why you have to teach them different things such as how to count and only work with them on this for about 10 minutes at a time.once you start this and continue Then their time span for memory increases and they learn and remeber it.If this is a problem and you feel it is a problem on the childs part then there is no use in even trying to make it work.If this is upsetting you and you do not want education on this then the child is only suffering and if your boyfriend cannot accept this and only try,try and try again and understand that this can take time and sometimes over a year then he is better off not even being around her.It is all part of life.You and him can try too hard to gain her trust.Just be there for her,don't argue around her or abuse her physically or mentally and never let her sense that you are upset because she may feel that she has done something wrong and only loose the trust again.

good luck and god bless you and your family

Answer 3

First of all this is a 5 year old. She doesn't have the choice as to whether or not he is in your life. You, however, have a choice as to how she behaves. You set down the rules. She does not have to be nice, but she must have respect for adults. The nice will come later. If she chooses to misbehave (after you talk to her and set down some simple rules and consequences) act on her consequences. This may be time out, loss of TV, computer, or a special toy. She can miss out on trips to McDonalds or the park or other things (with a babysitter that will follow your rules for behavior management with her). You may also have to use a combination of these things, but you are still the adult and she is still the child. If you do not do this now, you are going to have MAJOR problems with her later (and major problems with your boyfriend now).

PS He is not her father. He cannot be involved in this type of discipline or else you lose your credibility.

Answer 4

Your child might be mad at him for taking away her mother. Children are very selfish they want their parents all to them selves. Maybe try spending some one on one time with her so she feels special. It has only been a month since she moved into a new home. Give her time to readjust and get use to the situation. Also try talking to your boyfriend and let him know that it is not him she would be that way with any man in your life right now and have patients. It is always hard to have a relationship with step parents at first - time and quality time will help. Hang in there it will be worth it.

Answer 5

She's been with your parents all this time and you just have had her for a month with your bf, don't you think she needs to adjust to all this? Did you guys include her in any of your outings together..met him 'only' at Christmas?...this is alot for a child to take in. New place, new individual in her life, this guy is going to have to be patient and understanding. If he is taking you, he is taking your daughter too. Speak to her and have some quality time with her, just you and her. She's probably jealous , after all you are giving him attention as well, it's natural. If this person is going to be in your life in the long run...tell him this is only the beginning.

Answer 6

Well, you need to look at it from your daughter's perspective. She didn't have you for the time she lived with your parents, and now that she DOES get to live with you, she has to SHARE you. He needs to back away a bit with her, and give her some space. He shouldn't discipline or "father" her in ANY way. And you need to make sure you spend a lot of mommy/daughter time with her right now. She's not feeling secure and loved right now, but if you focus your attention more on her, she'll come out of it. Hopefully, he's a good man and will be patient with it.

Answer 7

Your daughter probably feels that just as shes gotten her mother back there is someone in your life who takes your time. She prob feels threatened and that you don't pay enough attention to her. This happens a lot when a couple has a new child and the other feels less important. Let her know she is # 1 and nothing can change that. Make certain "dates" for just you two so she knows that you love her and she has your attention.

Answer 8

in the initiating, you sound very shielding and very very corresponding to a "sufferer". So the first component i'd recommend is replacing your own mind-set. you aren't to any extent further a foul be certain, and also you'll regain administration of this example and luxuriate on your existence and your children again. commence taking section in effective messages on your head rather than detrimental ones, and also you'll get a lot farther. interior a similar vein, you're letting your children dictate and administration their existence and yours, and it is meant to be any opposite direction round. you're the be certain. you're making the rules. you settle on what's acceptable on your newborn (even as they devour, what they devour, even as they sleep, etc), and also you've were given the skill to implement those rules. obviously they have been disillusioned by using the upheaval of their lives (leaving their father, shifting in with grandparents, etc), yet that isn't any longer an excuse to act like heathens. that is time to verify some rules for habit, communicate them obviously on your children, and advance some outcomes, then keep on with them. in the adventure that they whine for foodstuff, you could say flippantly "Dinner is at 6:00" and then thoroughly overlook about any further whining or begging or crying. even as they see that they are not getting their way or interest in any respect, they're going to again off. in the adventure that they hit, push, kick yet another newborn, they are not approved to play with different children, and function to depart the room or bypass to their room on my own. even as they see that that habit receives them remoted, they're going to stop. And even as they study in different techniques that you're the boss and they extra proper keep on with the rules or face the outcomes, they're going to also commence going to mattress once you tell them. good success!

Answer 9

U might try talking to her...the little ones can usually tell you why they don't like someone. Maybe aproach it from a good manners bad manners position. She does get to pick the folks she likes tho.....but she should be polite and definetly not rude or ugly towards him...that should not be acceptable behavior.

Answer 10

I think either your parents or your ex has put some ideas in her head! Either that or she senses that your boyfriend is no good! Either way, she will either learn to accept him or you better get rid of him! Do Not Ever side against your daughter!!