We have been a couple for the last four years but for more than half of that time have been in different countries. For the last 18 months we have been living together in the same country. My partner is now going to study in the US for one year and we had hoped that I would be going with him. As we are not married however, I was refused an F2 visa a few weeks ago, since which time we have been in a very stressful situation. He does not want to marry me to keep the US bureaucrats happy. We had not discussed marriage before this time but it has suddenly become a hot topic between us. He wants us to stay as a couple and get back together after 12 months but I refuse to. I do have a valid visitors' visa for the US and so can go to see him during the course of the year. Should I trust a person who is obviously willing for us to be separated instead of getting married so we can be together? Does he really love me? What do I do? Please can anyone advise?
2006-07-19 05:56:42 · 11 answers · asked by Isi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, I have to address some of the previous answers. What a bunch of racist idiots there are! For one thing, she's talking about an F-2 visa which is only a temporary stay, not to live here permanently. Secondly, she's been with this guy for 4 years. I'm sure it was just all part of a great long-term plan to get into the wonderful U.S. You know what America doesn't need is jerks like you guys! Ok, there, now I feel better.
Now about your situation, I can understand both sides of it. As someone else said, he probably feels strange getting married just for legal reasons. But you have been with him for a long time and perhaps you have been wondering about where this relationship is taking you. I would definitely not pressure him to marry you because no good can come out of that. He has to be ready and willing for the marriage to work. Since you can visit him while he's away, maybe see how it works out for a while. Being away from one another will really be the test of if he takes your relationship seriously or not. If you can get thru this, then maybe he'll be ready to talk marriage afterwards. If not, it may be time to find someone that will. Vaya con Dios mi amiga.
2006-07-19 06:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jimbo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably jsut doesn't want the main reason that you two are married to be becasue you needed a visa. He doesn't want to have to wonder if that is the only reason why he marreid you or not be able to propose on his own time the way that he wanted to. And if you guys hadn't even talked about marriage before now then he is probably thinking that you want to get married for the wrong reasons. Jsu tlet it go. A relationship can survive 12 months apart, as long as you two communicate and trust each other.
2006-07-19 06:00:48 · answer #2 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one. i think he would rather not marry you and have you visit so he can play around. what he will find is that the grass will not be greener on the other side. in the mean time while he is playing around and getting other peoples kooties and giving them to you so you can take them back home then be accused of getting it from someone else now you are miserable and dont know what to do. so you can either end it now cause he doesnt want to get married or figure out a way to get married and this not be an issue or go for the visits and risk diseases. me? if he doesnt want to get married and take me with him after 4 yrs of being together then i would just have to start over. i know it will be hard but you can do it...good luck
2006-07-19 06:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by luv41anatha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound to me like your man is ready to head down the altar anytime soon. If you stay together you will seriously need to trust him. This is not a matter of love honey...it's about TRUST!
You guys should talk this out and decide how it will work if at all should he come to the US while you stay behind.
The chances if this working are slim, you may need to take the hit and move on with your life if he doesn't honor his commitment after a year.
Good Luck!
2006-07-19 06:21:23 · answer #4 · answered by fourcolor4u2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he just wants to be sure that hes making the right decision. Most couples dont go through a period of separation, they just jump head first into marriage and then it blows up 5 years and 2 kids later. You know him better that I do, but if he says hes not ready right now, youhave to make the best decision for you..
2006-07-19 06:02:01 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Smith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to obtain citizenship legally and not mooch off some guy. You are a stupid foreigner trying to get a free ride. Don't come here, we don't want you.
2006-07-19 06:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by swaman33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u only want to get married so u can get a visa. how degrading u are. im glad ur bf said hell no. stay where u are, america doesnt need ur kind here.
GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.
2006-07-19 06:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him you will sign a prenuptial agreement to allay his legitimate fears and that you will agree to a quickie divorce in nevada if need be, but if he does not marry you then, leave him and find some true love. you are not getting any younger.
2006-07-19 06:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A breakup would probably be best for both of you. He's not that into you, and you're into using him.
2006-07-19 06:06:26 · answer #9 · answered by puppy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me like you're trying to use him.
2006-07-19 05:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by nolyad69 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋