How to not have my g/f feel insecure about her self?

Question

I have a very attractive girl friend that has a problem with insecurity. Because of her insecurity, she’s afraid to make friends, think she’s unattractive, gives up easily, and has a timid posture/body movement which can be embarrassing. Her insecurity doesn’t bother me right now but concerned it could later on. I’m also concerned that it’s something she’s struggling with. She however isn’t as aware of the problem as much as I am. So far I have been trying help her change this in a good way. For example I tell her she’s a great person or is beautiful all the time. However what I have done simply hasn’t worked because she doesn’t believe it. What could I do to make her feel more secure of her self? What could she do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

okay now you are a very caring boyfriend!!!

believe me, i understand your girl completely!! the girl wants you to be with her all the time, and like any other girl, she wants to feel that she's important enough to be the star in your life. she would feel insecure if you're hanging out with friends (who are girls!!) that in her eyes are prettier than herself.

you need to show her you love her for who she is, not by how she looks. that being beautiful is just a huge bonus, because her way of thinking, the way she talks to others, the way she puts her makeup on, the way she shows her care for others, etc, is what really makes you love her.

spend more time with her, and have patience with her. she'll pick fights, and what you should do is let her win, and tell her that whatever works for her, works for you, as long as you stay together. now im not saying to be a wimp, but show her your sensitive side. and if she picks fights A LOT, then you should straight out tell her.

also, share your embarrasing moments..life experiences..etc, that you would deff. blush talkin about.
she'll feel she's not the only one feeling a little insecure, and gives her an opportunity to see you as a human being who makes mistakes, instead of the "perfect guy" that she sees in you right now.
(being a "perfect guy" makes her insecure, it's like she's gotta work harder to impress you or be more like you..even though you might not notice. girls are good in hiding stuff.)

Answer 2

Unfortunately there really isn't a whole lot more you can do. This is HER issue and you showing you care is admirable and yes your are right it could be more problematic in the future. She may have issues at home that bring this about, especially the timidity, maybe she can't see that she is pretty because someone said this and that she was abused. There are so many wheres and wherefores with this issue that it is impossible to really say much at all.
She is going to need help, professional. She may be very aware of the problem and just is afraid to speak about it. You can't change her though, this is up to her to do and her first step will be admitting to herself that she has a few issues
You don't say how old the two of you are. If you are young teens this might just be a phase she is going through, or it could be something much more serious..
One sentence you say you think she is struggling with this and another you say she isn't aware so I am a little confuddled...
Keep up what you are doing, don't overdo the compliments and never ever be insincere. Don't tell her how pretty she is when you see her looking like cr** after yard work, when no one looks particularly good then. Being sincere is the most important thing you can do for her, and don't overdo the compliments because that will come across as insincere..

Answer 3

You need to sit her down and talk to her. I really don't know the answer here but the reason I am answereing is because I have the same problem as your girlfriend. Mine came from a child hood of feeling inferior and a 1st marriage that made me feel like less of a person. My fiance right now is having the same problem as you do. He tells me I am beautiful and that he loves me and what a great person I am but I am afraid that the negitive stuff in my life seems bigger than all that he tells me. You know how you can remember almost every bad thing in your life but not so much the good stuff? That's kind of my problem and possibly your girls too. You just have to have patience with her. Love her and try to understand where she is coming from. Talk to her. Try to find where it all first started and go from there. And good luck.

Answer 4

First thing: About the only thing you can do is continue to express your concern over this. There is absolutely nothing you can do to "fix" her. As you've noticed, it doesn't matter what you say if she doesn't choose to believe it.

Second thing: I've been in counseling for some of my issues, and I was "prescribed" a book. I forget the author, but the title is "Feeling Good". If she's the kind inclined to read, have this conveniently appear in your home somewhere. YOUR home; not hers. Otherwise it's a challenge and she may resist. For extra enticingness, find a good appropriate paragraph and stick a bookmark there - it'll make it look like you're reading it and she may be more inclined to sneak a peek.

Answer 5

It will definitely bother you later on.

Try a more aggressive argument...

"I say you're beautiful, and you say that I'm wrong. So, are you calling me a liar, or insulting my tastes?"

or maybe...

"If you keep trying to convince me that I'm wrong, someday you might succeed."

or how about...

"I try to pay you a compliment, and it's something that I genuinely feel about you, and you can't accept it gracefully. Why not?" Let her know that you consider it rude. She might think that she's being humble by denying what you say, but she's really just being insulting. A truly humble person accepts praise with grace.

Emphasize the old "If you don't have anything nice to say..." axiom and let her know that it applies to oneself as well as others.

This might shake her up a bit and realize that she, herself, might be destabilizing the foundations of a strong relationship. It might at least have the effect of reducing her argumentativeness on the subject.

Answer 6

u are doing the right things next take her to get her hair styled and buy her something nice to put on and go out on the town. make it like a date see if you can get some of her friends to go with her and you go in later and just watch her from afar. she will probably get hit on by other guys so you will have to keep a cool head then when she has send them away go ask her to dance. i think this will help her a lot. good luck... and dont forget to tell her how beautiful she looks...

Answer 7

I've been there, I know how she feels, and my husband is helping me through it.
I think you're doing the best thing you could do, which is being supportive.
Keep telling her how beautiful she is, even though you think she doesn't believe you, she does, believe me.
Just hold her tight, kiss her, those kind of things are little, but important.
Oh! and another thing, don't ever say that another girl looks pretty or make comparissons, that would kill her self esteem...

Answer 8

Some people have major problems with this issue. My wife does too. I know one thing. She can be secure with you as you keep on affirming her in qualitative ways. You can help her by bragging on her in front of her peers, coworkers and friends. You need to paint a picture in their mind as well as hers how you see her. She probably won't see herself your way for a while but if you continue you will start seeing changes. I know- - been there, done that, have the t shirt to prove it.

Answer 9

IMHO, people do not change what is comfortable, safe and effective in their personal mode of operation UNLESS it becomes either painful or ineffective for them. alcoholics do not ever change until the HIT BOTTOM very, very badly and many times!! you can try to get her to see that she 'has a problem' but she won't change anything that's working right now until she realizes it does become a problem for her - not you and others. if she ever wants to change, steer her to self esteem information and support groups, counseling, etc. you might consider some self esteem work for your self....
good luck

Answer 10

sounds like she's got some "issues" ask her to seek some counseling if your planning on being together longer. getting help is not a sign of weakness. you can't make anybody feel better about themselves it comes from within

good luck