I have a friend that constantly is invading my life. She invites herself over for dinner, meddles in my life, has to be right, gets irritated, insists on doing my yard work and then expects payment for it, as if we have discussed it earlier (which we had NOT!) and constantly is up one day down the next.... Drama Drama Drama!!
And I am stuck in the middle of it!
I KNOW this is a personality disorder I am dealing with. I am a social worker and have gotten sucked into their lives before and before I knew it, I was saying "what the heck just happened here???"
I want control of my own life back! I also don't want to be rude b/c my kids play with hers on occassion. I just want to set the right kind of boundaries to make sure I keep this from invading my life...
Help!
2006-07-19 05:37:14 · 5 answers · asked by xxxcariooo 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Indeed, I am a social worker, but seemed to have forgotten how exactly to deal with these people! lol
2006-07-19 11:59:23 · update #1
As a social worker you already know what to do. You probably also already know that it doesn't matter what you do she will hate your guts for a while before making you her best friend again.
So basicaly there are three things you can do:
1. Ride out the storm and wait untill she decides someone else is the best friend she ever had.
2. Create boundaries. Talk to her and explain how you feel and make sure you give options. Coming over twice a week is ok, call first. Doing the yard without being asked to does not entitle her to payment. If you can afford it try and make arrangements like doing the yard once every two weeks for x ammount of money.
3. Tell her to get lost. Garuanteed to get her angry and she'll hate you with a vengeance. Ofcourse...if she is borderline that will happen anyway, just a matter of time.
I think you will have to choose either option two or three. The tone of your question suggest number one isn't realy an option for you. Option two is the harder one but it might keep you on save ground for a while. Option three is the easiest to do but could cause a major pain for sometime since she's not likely going to take it very well.
Just remember....with a borderline personality disorder conflict is almost unavoidable no matter what you do.
I sympathise.
2006-07-19 05:53:27 · answer #1 · answered by nemesisnl1 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Set firmer boundaries, if she invites herself over say "I am really sorry, I only have enough to feed my family tonight, how about we meet for coffee and a chat tomorrow?" If she meddles, then thank her for her advice, but do what you choose. Don't let her into your yard, say you have booked some professional help to do it. There are ways and means of being nice and still saying no. If she does not get the message through hints then you have to sit her down and say you really appreciate her help/advice etc but that you feel she is invading your privacy.
2006-07-19 12:45:48 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best way to deal with a problem is to give back what you get. All those things she does you do back to your friend. It is possible she does not realize it in herself but would if she seen it happening.
2006-07-19 12:59:38 · answer #3 · answered by Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she getting help for this disorder? Since she's your friend it's really an obligation that you help her learn to control this side of her... have her see a therapist or psychiatrist... and make everything more mellow and insignificant if she creates drama...
2006-07-19 13:20:09 · answer #4 · answered by constanze_mylove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like its time for you to look for a new friend. From your story it sounds like she really could care less about what you think or fell... is she really your friend??
2006-07-19 12:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by marisanj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋