His ex calls all the time, asking how to deal with their son. My husband even has life insurance on her which I think is strange. My stepson is only 12 and has already smoked pot. He lies constantly and my husband won't discipline him or set any rules.
2006-07-19 04:17:56 · 12 answers · asked by seashells425 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
However did you get roped into a marriage like this? Guess that pretty much shows you where you stand in the grand scheme of things with your new hubby.
2006-07-19 04:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have issues you need to express them to your husband. If you have insecurities about his contacts with his ex wife you need to express that to your husband as well. [although there NEEDS to be some contact since they do have a child together].
To help you understand that connection- imagine you with a trouble child... and the baby's dad.... has a life of his own, fine, but is unable to talk to you so you're all on your own handling this kid? How hard would that be?! Now you remarried him knowing that he comes along with this baggage. This is all stuff that should've been considered beforehand, but now that the bed is made, lets make the best of it- within a marriage there needs to be communication so tell your husband. If he's anything of a decent man he will be understanding, he will also likely be defensive but as your husband he should consider your feelings- if he doesn't you have alot more problems than just the ex and the step son. Now, kids will be kids. People smoke pot, do drugs, have premarital sex, whatever. Thats how it goes. And you can't control that. And its not your husband's fault. You married him knowing he has a son, and when you made that union you also made a commitment to his son as a step-mom. So BE THE STEP MOM! Don't think "Oh their kid is bad he smoked pot" YOUR step kid is bad and smoked pot. What are YOU as a step parent going to do about it? Discuss discipline and rules of the house with your husband, its your house too, you have a right. You know if they find pot in your house they can seize it, there is many reasons why this is not a joking matter. And your husband shouldn't take it lightly either.
Good luck. Just keep in mind that you two are in it together. Its not THEM vs. you. Its US (the team including you, your husband and YES, even the ex) and how you all will deal with the trouble child that you all love.
2006-07-19 04:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When there is a child involved, especially on with issues, there is always going to be involvement with the ex. What did you think it was going to be like? Think about it this way, would you rather be married to a man that has a loving caring relationship with a child from a previous marriage, or a bonehead that feels out of sight out of mind. Remember if you have a family with this man and things don't work out, how would you want the relationship to be.
You did not say anything about talking to your husband about how you feel. I would suggest setting a time to talk to your husband. write down your concerns, why I say that is because you can write down whatever you want and then go back through it and some stuff will just be silly.
May I suggest that he has life insurance on her and probably him so that if something happens to the other that the child will be taken care of. If that's the case he could have the beneficiary put in the child's name if that would make you feel better.
2006-07-19 04:42:45 · answer #3 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has this all just started since you married? If not, then you knew what you were getting into, what has changed since before the marriage? It sound like the kid needs his father as an influential part of his life and a role model. I am sorry but you knew or should have know before you married this man that he had "other" responsibilities. I know it is not easy dealing with an ex and step children (been there) but, you really need to support your husband and become an active part of the solution not the problem. I wish you the best of luck, you really are going to need it and a lot of hard work if you want you marriage to work out.
2006-07-19 04:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by Badkitty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a year ago, I was in this same situation. Unfortunately, I could not handle it and left. The son is still a holy terror and gets worse by the day. He has pulled knives on people, broken into people's houses, set stuff on fire. Just a bad kid with no discipline or guidance. I sympathize, but that child will always be there so you have to decide if you are willing to let a 12 year old make your life miserable. I wasn't. Good luck.
2006-07-19 04:28:51 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, you knew he had a son (and most teenagers, especially from divorced homes, are going to be rebellious), and an ex-wife. There are always going to be issues, it is just in how you decide to handle the situation. If you feel you don't love your husband enough to deal with the problems at hand, then leave him. If marriage was easy no one would divorce, right? Maybe you should have married a man without kids who was never married.
2006-07-19 04:23:59 · answer #6 · answered by Bev 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey as hard as it is you have to sit back. This is a family that he had before you. Be there for your husband and listen to him. I am sure it is hard on him as well and that your step son will eventually grow up. That is the problems with step family's. It will get easier believe me. I did it and he has 3 kids and wow at first I wanted to run but as the years went by it got alot easier. Hang in there. Good luck.
2006-07-19 04:32:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
make unbreakable rules to be enforced by EVERYONE in your home; if not they can do whatever in THEIR home. put your foot down to be lifted be NOONE. trust me they will respect you for it ,if not they can abide or leave and if the son is a minor, let him know in front of his ma and pa THIS IS MY HOUSE. you-child,me-adult. by the rules adults have the say so and let the chips fall as they may. unless you want a child running your life by playing sides against the odd one out-you. talk to your husband and let it all come out that way you hopefully will never have to deal with this issue again.--good luck
2006-07-19 04:28:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok so he has a kid with his ex// and hes ur step son. or hes ur husbands stepson??
2006-07-19 04:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by ily_______&?; 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately that is something you should have considered before you married him. But if you can't take it anymore consider other alternatives before a divorce
2006-07-19 04:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by lily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋