Mature Advice: How do I tell him I want to end our relationship?

Question

We've gone thru a lot of pain for years and I've decided to be single again. We have two young children and four years together. Recently, I had a breakdown and he finally realized the serious condition I have been in, he asked what he needs to do, I said get help. I wish I would have told him it's over then but I wasn't tough enough. he is going to get some counseling for the first time but.... I don't want to be with him anymore. How do I tell him this and should I tell him?
Please note: we've had a very violent relationship and some things have stayed with me. I also feel that b/c of his past (sexual abuse/starvation/etc) that he will always be who he is in one way or another. he has similar interests and tastes but our character and personailties are opposite. I know he can't be perfect but I would like to enjoy my life and be myself with the person I love.
How can I tell him this and should I tell him now?
Thanks

Answer 1

Tell him now in the nicest way possible.

Don't break down and give in...he will no doubt try to convince or manipulate you into staying with him.

If he is violent, find a safe place first, and change the locks if he has access. Do it in public. Let someone know where you are.

Your job is to take care of your kids, and you. If he is no longer able to be in the relationship...then you have to make the decision that is best for your kids.

Be strong. It will hurt, and be hard...but you will be free soon enough. Whatever pain and toughness it takes to break up with him is MUCH better than the suffering of being stuck with him.

Answer 2

Tell him that it's time to end the relationship. That you both need to go your own ways and start a new life apart from eachother. The difficult part would be the 2 children you have and there could be legal decisions that may come about. If you think he's going to be violent when all this is being said and you don't feel safe, have a friend there with you. You'll need support from family and friends when this is going to happen and to have them by your side for weeks and months to come.
Good luck.

Answer 3

He can change that Because I was raped by a girl who was 18 at that time and I was 9 years old and I been abused by my family, I have been locked my room 24/7 so long and my gosh I am deaf and they are hearing. I become hate women and I hit them and stuff but Something hits me that Why am I taking out of them. I should done to my family.

I have change so much so hard to make the best person I can be and I did and Everyone was shocked to see me how different I am and now I married and ever since 1985 to now I never hit or abuse in my whole life. and It was great and Yeah we yelling and stuff but I don't hit.. or break things. I change it becasue I want to amke sure I have a normal family.

It time for you to tell him stright up you will be like this for rest of your life and You will never change. Unless you change yourself and I know in my heart someday you will change... But right now I undrstand where you coming from but you the only person that need to change that to make the best family for our kids. and I can't do this anymroe I have no feelings no nothing and I am going to end it. If you going to hit me and whatever you doing think twice before you do. If you love me so much you wouldn't do that to me.

I am so glad I change and Now I have normal family and best thing ever happen to me and it been 9 years and If I didn't change back 85' I know that I will never meet my wife....

Answer 4

I think sweetheart the best thing to do is to have a common friend, or someone who can handle your husband and you in the same room, and tell your husband. Be like this is for real its over I loved you but now I can't continue this relationship. This third party will become a buffer just incase you need the moral support, or someone there to help you make sure he doesn't hurt you.

Answer 5

Give the man a chance. He has gone through alot and with what happened to you he sees it now. I think you should get some help too. At one time you were deeply in love with this man. Give it some more time. Say a year and see where the two of you are. Wishing you and your family the best.

Answer 6

Ask him what the atomic number of zinc is? If he doesn't know you'll know he's a moron which by the way sounds pretty close.You've taken way to much abuse already. If your not careful you'll become addicted to it and will unknowingly find another psyco just like him...STOP THE INSANITY...There are millions of good people out there. Hit the road and discover them never never never take any violence in a relationship...good luck to you...by the way the atomic number of zinc is "30"..chopper007

Answer 7

Don't do it when you're alone. This sounds like a very volatile situation that could become dangerous. You must be firm, and clear in your decision to end the relationship. You don't need to rehash everything that went wrong in your relationship. It won't serve any purpose. Tell him you want more out of life & you've made a decision to end it. Period.

Answer 8

Tell him now before you get even more afraid to do so. Jsu ttell him that becasue of the hurt he has caused you in the past any actions that he takes now are too little too late. I hope that you can mvoe on in your life, and that things work out for you. Good luck!

Answer 9

Just be honest but don't be mean or hurtful. Make sure there is someone close by in case he flips out. Pack your bags and go. It's only going to get worse so leave now. Good luck, if you want to talk just mail me on yahoo 360.

http://360.yahoo.com/zmebme

Answer 10

Do everyone a favor and tell him. He will either make a change in himself that you may possibly approve of or he will not. Either way, something must change if he is to be able to be with you.

You may think you are finished with him, and maybe you are, but you will never know until you tell him.