someone help me please?

Question

my soon to be husband and i was talking about if i had to lose a part of my body would he still be there for me,he replied that he didn't know,i ask him if he loved me more for my hole body or did he love me for who i am,i'm 45 and alittle overweight and he still looks at other women like he wants to be with them and not me,(looks are not every thing right?) i'm not trying to start a fight with him but he some times makes me feel like i'm a dog on it's last leg,this hurts me very deep and this some times makes me wonder if he cares for me like he saies he does.he saies he loves me and only me,so why do i feel differant about us now, we have been togeother for 3 yrs and i love him the way i did when i first met him but hee is not the same way about me.i'm starting to cry over this very badly and i have cried for a while now,tell me whats wrong with me and what can i do to make him see i'm the one for him.
what should i do?

Answer 1

First of all there is nothing wrong with you. I am kind of in a same boat as you. Us woman tend to give and love a lot, yet after a while our men who loved us once start taking things for granted. First of all if he loved you no matter what he would stay with you with or without your limbs, because I am sure you would do the same for him. Yet, I've learnt not to even ask questions that you don't have the asnwers to...those are hypothetical questions better left unasked. Secondly looking at woman is like a part of a mans gene...I've learnt this the hard way. I knwo the American way is to this that if you love someoen you should not look at other people, trust me I agree...BUT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN. Men always look, and sometimes us woman do to. If he is totally putting you down and degrading you, you don't have to take it. If you are constantly crying and unhapppy either get help like some therapy couples maybe?> Or seriosuly sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If he still doesn't change then sweetheart you have to take a stand that is right for you and only you know the answer to what that is.

Answer 2

The fact that your about to marry a man who in your own words "treats you like a dog" speaks volumes. I have a feeling that you dont feel good about you and dont think you deserve any better than this guy. Would you stay with him if he lost a body part ? I think you would. And why would you stay ? Because you love him. Now you have to ask yourself, if he's not sure if he will stay or not, what does that tell you ? Put that together with everything else you said and basically what you have is you stressing and being unhappy. Is this what you want for yourself ?

Answer 3

Tell him your wiping the dog poop off your shoes now before your legally tied to someone that doesnt really want to be with you (or at least thats the way hes making you feel) and tell him to get his act together before he considers making the rest of your life miserable. Marriage is an equal partnership so whats fair is fair. He wouldnt like it if you did the same thing so why should that be ok for him . Don't marry him if you have reservations now. Walking into a marriage with doubts wont fix him or how he is . Im sorry but its just that simple.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with you. You sound like a very nice woman and it's obvious that you care for this man deeply. If he's looking at other woman like he wants to be with them then what do you think will happen when you get married? Don't ask guys questions about losing limbs or whatever cause guys don't often THINK before they open their mouths. If he loves you then just take that for what it's worth and don't worry about the "what ifs". You shouldn't have to show him that you're the one for him. If he doesn't want to be with you then let him go. You deserve someone who'll love you no matter what and wouldn't look at another woman unless she was on fire.

Answer 5

If he loves you, then he shouldn't be looking at other woman while he's with you. MY BF had the same problem and i brought it to his attention. So he changed that. Don't worry about starting a "fight", but if is bothering you, tell him. BUt tell him in a calm manner, say it bothers you that he checks out other females in front of you. that's really disrespetful. and he should love you, even if you are a little overweight. it sounds like you are very insecure. You first should try to be healthy for yoruself, to make yourself feel good, that way you can make someone else happy. i learned that u must love yourself in order to do that. you can't make anyone see anything, its all done by your actions and he either appreciates it or not.

Answer 6

I HAD a guy like that onece. I was older than him, and he use to stare at other women that would pass and even turn around and look at them. It made me feel that I was not up to par, even though I knew I was. Notice I said HAD. He may love you and the person that you are, but he is not respecting you, and that probably will get worse not better with time. If you started working out you would feel better enough about yourself that you could see what he is doing to you and undermining your self-esteem. Believe it or not, The way he is treating you is a form of abuse and linked to controlling behavior and domestic abuse. While he undermines your self-esteem, you feel like you can't get anyone else, and the plot thickens. I would not even consider marrying him at this point. Because marrying him is not going to make you feel any better about yourself and that is what you need to feel and you are not going to get it from him. Find somebody that deserves you and your good heart!
Good Luck

Answer 7

honey, you've just got low self-esteem. if you feel out of shape, do something about it, start working out and eating better. but do it for yourself. confidence is more attractive anyway. you may want to consider some therapy as well. you can't have a healthy body if you don't have a healthy mind and attitude.

once you feel you've got your head screwed on right and you've got a hold of your emotions, confront him about looking at other women and the way it makes you feel in a calm positive discussion (not an arguement). but keep in mind that all men look at other women. it's not necessarily a flaw on your part, just a fact of the male species. there's nothing wrong with communicating with your significant other about things he does that make you unhappy. in fact, that's healthy.

if things don't get better, you're better off without him. no one is worth you being unhappy. and you are the only one in control of your happiness. try to stay positive. that's the best you can do.

Answer 8

Okay, first things first, if there are doubts about his love for you, don't marry him! Why spend money for a marriage that may end up in divorce and cost more money? Second, If you feel he is taking you for granted and not appreciating the beautiful woman you are, why are you so hung up on him? so what you are 45? And? So what if you are a little overweight? Hey honey wake up! Don't let him not see the potentials you have hidden inside. You sound like you probably are more soft spoken and submissive. Switch it up on him tell him what you want, how you feel, and your fears. If he loves you he needs to accept you for you. Do you accept you for you? It sounds like self-esteem can be an issue. I used to be that way. But now, I have accepted myself and what I don't like I change. Just have a heart to heart with him, and hope he says what you want to hear, if not move on! Don't be a doormat to him.

Answer 9

sometimes I feel the same but I'm already married (first anniversary is this sunday).. I really love my husband but I don't think he loves me as much as I do. He also looks at other women but I think nearly every men does it.. so don't worry even when it hurts a little.. thats easier said then done but believe me crying doesn't help and he even doesn't notice that u cried the whole day.. I'm only 23 years old and I said to myself that I have to accept him.. hope it helps

Answer 10

Maybe you need to reconsider marring him. If he is insensitive for your needs as a woman now, think of how he will treat you later on. My advise to you would be to leave. Do not loose your life in a man, they are not worth it. There is a man out there somewhere that will love you for you, no matter what you look like or what ever the case may be. Wait on God and he will send you your Mr. Right. Don't settle for nothing but the best.