what should i do?

Question

i have recenly started a relationship with my best friend which i have known for two years now. everything is going great and i love her very much but the only thing that bothers me is her complaining about my family. i can sense that she doesnt like them one bit. im the kind of person that is very close to his family and now i have become close to my girlfriend like i never have. what should i do??

Answer 1

this is a very common problem.

why don't you can ask her how would she feel if you was the one that's always complaining about her family??

tell her that one of the most important things in a relationship is respect.

she's is giving you lack of respect if she's complaining against your family for no good reason.

talk with her ... you might find out why she's doing this ... communication is the best medication ....

Answer 2

If the two of U have been best friends for 2 years than this isn't the "first time" she has complained about Ur family. And if she is your best friend, TALK TO HER. Tell her that for better or worse these people are Ur family and U love them. We cant choose our families, we can just love the ones that we have. She'll understand, if she really cares about U she will consider Ur feelings. She may even have too be reminded from time to time.lol But she will respect U for standing up for Ur family in the long run. Just keep the lines of communication open, that is VERY IMPORTANT in a relationship.
Good Luck I hope things work out for U.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is to be perfectly honest with your girlfriend that you feel uncomfortable about her criticizing your family. If you should happen to marry, it will always be a point of contention and will lead to much friction between your family and her. If she criticizes your family, it says much more about her than you. Perhaps she never had a close relationship with her own family and is jealous of the relationship you have with yours. Whatever the reason, you need to deal with it openly and honestly, or I see this relationship headed for a lot of heartache and disappointment. Find out exactly what is objectionable to her about your family. Are the drunkards? Are they violent, etc. In some cases, you may have to make a choice. But just remember the old saying, "blood is thicker than water" Long after this girlfriend is gone or any others, you still have your family. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I understand how you feel, as I once had to go through this with my current boyfriend when we started dating. Only the hate was coming from both sides. Him not liking my family, and my family also not liking him. This was due to a racial issue though, and I'm not sure this applies to you're situation. However, My brother's wife is the same as your girlfriend. We like her, but she has never really liked us. For her, it's more of just being able to tolerate us when she has to. We know the reason and it's completely childish for her to feel this way, but no matter how much we try to get her to lighten up, she refuses. My brother has even tried to talk to her to no avail and he's extremely close to the family, too. If I were you, I would try to talk to her and figure out why she has so much hatred towards your family. Maybe they've done or said something to/about her in the past that you don't remember or know about and she's till angry about it. Does your family like her? It's hard to be in a relationship where you feel torn between your family and your partner. I don't know how my brother has dealt with it for so long. I'm just happy that my family and my boyfriend was able to overcome their differences and now they both love each other. Just try to get to the root of the problem. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Question, for you did you know how your current girlfriend felt about your family, if so then it's kind of your fault because you have been best friends for two years so there have been some signs.
If your family is important to you as my family is to me then your relationship is going to be very, very, very hard to enjoy. If you can't come to a common ground you may have to leave girlfriend and just have her as a good friend again.

I hope everything works out for you because take it from me it's hard to make a choice when it come to your family and the one you love.

Answer 6

Ah. I was in a situation similar to this.
The guy I was dating's family was VERY FLAWED. And yes everyone has flaws, but it was actually his closeness with them that made the situation uncomfortable. It wasn't his FAMILY that bothered me and would start fights it was HIS behavior.
SO, assuming your situation is similar maybe you should look at the direct issues she is addressing rather than becoming defensive about your family.
My situation for example- I would get mad when my ex would want to sit on the couch and play XBox with his dad and smoke pot all day long. He saw that as "family time" and would get defensive when I would try to pull him away to go out and do something. Looking back maybe I didn't do such a good job expressing that the issue was HIM playing XBox and smoking pot not his dad. So maybe your gf has a problem expressing the direct issue, look at your actions, ask what she wants you to do- than determine if its reasonable or not.
Keep in mind, someday you'll have to leave the nest and your partner (gf) will become your wife and your new family. And with the mentality "us" vs. "her" it will never work.

Answer 7

Well if you really care for her and she feels the same about you...you should be able to talk to her about any thing. So sit down and tell her what your family means to you and let her know what she means to you and that she is going to have to accept your family in order for this to be a long lasting relationship and this is what u want. I am sure that if she really cares for you she will learn to love your family and accept them for who they are. Just be honest with her and thing will work out if they are really meant to be..and if not then hey there are a million other fish in the sea..but GOOD LUCK this will be hard but its well worth the talk!!!!

Answer 8

Well....it looks like the typical 'controlling' may be about to begin.

She sounds like she wants to be sure your family is not going to cut into your time with her...be ready for problems ahead. This is something she may feel insecure about, and she may be just wanting to keep you all for herself...typical girl thing (I hate to admit).

You need to work it into your conversation as often as necessary how much your family means to you....if she doesn't take the hint, she's being self centered and you may just have to face it. If she says something towards a specific family member, counter with something positive about that person. Eventually she should realize that she's doing wrong if she puts them down...and if she doesn't she is not being a very good girlfriend, or friend, period.

Good luck, I hope it works out.

Answer 9

Tell the girlfriend the truth. For instance: "when I hear you make negative coments about my family, it hurts my feelings." "I would like you to get to know my family better before making negative comments"...notice that you are saying how YOU feel and not making it HER fault. Also, did it ever occur that you may have started this? Have you ever complained to her about your family? That may be why she feels that way. Otherwise, tell her the truth and let her have some time to get to know them. She might change her tune if you include her in some small gatherings. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you're really serious about your girlfriend, you'd best resolve the conlict BEFORE you consider anything else. It will NOT get better. And you're in for a long hard ride if you think it will.
Love does NOT cure e/thing!
Differences must be sorted out NOW........as to which side is being unreasonable.
I truly wish you both the best of luck!