getting over a cheater?

Question

Over a month ago my now ex-boyfriend cheated on me (we were going out for over 2 years). I am devistated. I cannot get over it. I know I cannot be wtih him, I deserve so much better but somewhere deep inside I want to be with him. I want everything to be how it was before this all happened. I want the impossible. We were so in love. He made me so happy and he always told me how happy I made him. I was so good to him. I did everything to make him happy and this is what he done to me! What goes through guys minds? What makes them do such stupid things. How can they just have sex with the 1st person who is willing? Do they have no self control? I feel sooo depressed. I havent been able to function since this happened. I know its so ridiculous for me to be like this. I shoud move on and look for somebody that I know will treasure me and never do this to me, but its just so hard. I just want some support, some stories that I can relate with, some advice. Please help.

also, we live in a small town. I see him and his friends all the time out around. As well, I see the girl that he cheated on me with. How do I deal with seeing her? My stomach drops when I see her. I get nauseous at the sight of her. She knew that he had a girlfriend when she was with him but obviously didnt care. I know its not her fault. He was the one who cheated on me. But she knew I existed. How can I face seeing her?

Answer 1

Not everyone appreciates what they have--they always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Chances are he won't stop cheating--the next girl will go through the same thing you're going through now. You will find someone else who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, sometimes when you least expect it. In the meantime, force yourself to keep busy. That doesn't mean you have to start dating right away, but go do things with friends, volunteer for charities you think are worthwhile, etc. You can't let his actions control your life.

Answer 2

* How to Deal With a Cheater *

Get cheated on? This is for you.

Steps
Determine whether you were actually cheated on. Ask yourself these questions: Were you officially boyfriend and girlfriend at the time this "cheating" occured? Were you officially monogamous? If not, you cannot be sure that your significant other knew what he or she was doing would offend you, in which case you need to forget the incident or move on to someone else if you can't get over it.
Find out what actually happened, and talk to your partner about it. Was your partner raped? Was he or she coerced? And was he or she under the influence of drugs or alcohol? If the first two are the case, you may not want to consider it cheating. If it is the third, your partner may have substance problems to address, and you may need to take a break in the relationship. Generally, if someone cheats on you while under the influence of marijuana or alcohol, and they weren't completely unconscious, they had some desire (hidden or not) to cheat on you.
Ask yourself if you will ever be able to look at your partner the same way. Infidelity doesn't mean much for some, and some people have more than one physical relationship and it doesn't suggest a shortcoming in their relationship with their steady partner, but this is rare. Infidelity often indicates boredom and disatisfaction with the present relationships. Dealing with a partner who doesn't want you in the first place, or one who doesn't mind hurting you, is ridiculous. Dump him/her if this is the case.
Don't break up with your partner and later take him back. This will only give you more emotional stress. If you break up, make it a clean break.
Don't talk to your ex after breaking up with him immediately. Give yourself a few months of cooling off time first. You are not obligated to worry about him once you break up; you are not even obligated in any way to ever speak with him again.

Tips
Get out if the incident has hurt you too much.

Warnings
Don't get revenge by cheating yourself; if this idea tempts you, you probably need to break up with the person anyway.

Answer 3

What you're having is a bad case of emotional attachment. But you have to understand that your boyfriend cheating on you was never about you. Trust to believe this.

Women tend to fall in love with sex, while men tend to just love sex. Therefore, there's a huge difference in the emotional connection and the physical connection that's going on in the relationship. Now, this isn't to justify him cheating on you. But to let you know that you don't have to blame yourself for someone else's actions. And the only way to get over it is to stop blaming yourself and know that you had no part in his decision. If he wanted to leave you, all he had to do is leave. But some people are selfish and only think about their own gradification. And thus, is probably one of the main reasons why people cheat.

So, once you fully understand that you're not to blame for his infideltiy, you'll be able to focus on your own life and move on. As far as the emotional attachment is concern, you're going to have to let those feelings fade. Try going to the mall and do a little shopping. Once you see there are other men out there for you, the chances of you still being attached to something that's not there will soon fade.

Answer 4

You are broken-hearted right now. This makes a person feel like everything is hopeless. I know how you feel - it is the worst! The best suggestion I have is to NOT date anybody for a bit. Really focus on yourself - re-invent yourself - take a yoga class or bleach your hair! :) Really dive into your friends, job, school, whatever! Eventually you will be too busy to think about it - men can be really immature - we all go through heartbreak before meeting the right one, and he will come along when you least expect it. In the meantime, remember that you cannot change people or find reasons for their faults. Try to better yourself and find strength - you will be okay. :)

Answer 5

Obviously he wasn't so in love, and things weren't so good before it happened.
It's not so ridiculous for you feel the way you do, I mean he betrayed your trust and broke your heart. It feels like your whole world has been riped from beneath you.
Just go out with a few of your friends and have a great time, don't stop living on account of some loser.

Answer 6

You are just feeling attached to him because of your long term relationship do not mistake this and believe that you still love him and as for the girl forget about her, do not let her bother you, hell get yourself a nice guy, and remember live life not in the pursuit of happiness but live it in happiness because at the end of it all what do we have except memories and if they are all bad then you didn't live life to the fullest, but if they are all good you will go out yelling damn that was a good ride.

Answer 7

You should walk right up to her and thank her for showing you what a scumbag he is, thank her for saving you a lifetime of grief with this jerk, and tell her they deserve each other. I am betting the look on her face and his will be more than enough to allow you get over this. I know I'd laugh my azz off.

Answer 8

enjoy life.. period you dont need a man to feel good about yourself. i was in the same situation for 11 yrs.he kept doing that to me,but i got some sense and now i can see whoever if i want to i dont want to be in m=no more reationships just friendships. guys can be cool if u have a understanding from the beginning.

Answer 9

about 4 - 5 months ago my boifriend did da same all except he didnt **** da gurl and i was pissed of at da thought of that he begged , and said sorry and just tryed to b da best we worked it out and now we r da best but u should just ask him y and did u really mean it and do lik i did and show him da put my foot down side of u and just show him that we can do the boss to. If he was dat desperate to have sex he had to do that den u should find u somebodi else but u should talk to him first and try to work it out but when he get to acting stupid b up and out and find u another man but if it works yall try to make da best out of it

Answer 10

young girl, stop crying. he is not worth your tears! you are not the loser, but he is !! he does not deserve a nice girl like you !!! good riddance for you. god always knows what is best for us and accordingly He gives or takes away. just remember what lesson this experience has taught you and feel grateful that you are a much wiser person now! good luck and god bless!