My Marriage?

Question

My husband and I are really in danger here in this marriage. So my husband decides he is mad at me and needs space. Okay, I don't mind. But taking space isn't all he does he begin to treat me very badly during his space (he is still coming home). One minute nice next minute I don't care about you. Then in between we would have these talks that seemed to bemoving the marriage somewhere, and I find out it was just a conversation and it means nothing. Now 3 weeks later, going on 4, I am getting frustrated with his so called space and we have this "serious discussion" two days ago. It felt good and it felt we are finally getting somewhere. So the next day, I figure let me call him and ask let's do something nice together to start...his response negative and filled with attitude. So last night, I decide enough is enough for me emotionally and mentally with this. I am shut off, turned off, and detached. What should my next move be? I still love him would love for this to still work out.

K

Answer 1

get some counseling and seek help from your pastor or advisor for yourself and the two of you together. You need to communicate not falsely as you appear to be. Some one isnt serious.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 2

I'm afraid most of the other answers are correct - he is seeing someone else. Men seem to handle things differently than women when they are seeing someone. The marriage counselor my ex and i were seeing explained that most men do not want to give up the marital affair and are torn between it and their wife. When they are with their wives they are often distant and treat the wide badly - often to goad them into an argument. That way they feel justified in going back to the other woman. It is the old "my wife is such a *****" I deserve this affair syndrome. Then when they are truly starting to feel guilty about the affair - they will go make nice with their wives. Then they go back to the girlfriend who knows all the right buttons to push to make them feel guilty for being nice to the wife. I'm sorry - but this is a vicious cycle and you are caught in the middle. It took our marriage counselor to finally help me make the break. I know that sounds strange - but if you get a good one to work with , they will tell you both the truth and will help you see things for what they are - whether it means you should stay together or divorce. Get some referrals in your area. Our insurance actually covered the sessions - yours might too.
ps. I too thought I was still in love and ending the marriage was devastating- after all we had been together 23 years. I have been remarried for 10 years and we are both ecstatic! There is more love out there for you.

Answer 3

Im sorry that u have 2 go thru this kind of situation. But, what i wanna know is, when did this situation exactly started? Did u by any chance upset him, like personally? or maybe he found another lover? Are u guys fighting all the time for simple reasons? If i we're u, i u already tried everything, marriage counselling, talking to him "heart 2 heart", etc. Dont call him for attn. Try to leave him alone. And try to get urself busy, busy. Go out with friends. By the way, do u have children? if u have thats another situation 2 deal with. Its harder if u have children to take care of. And thats ur no.1 priority my dear.

Answer 4

Kill him with kindness. Don't nag him as soon as he walks in the door and do not call him all day. Just go on about your days as if nothing is wrong and show him as much affection as possible. Try not to have conversations that YOU KNOW are going to upset you. Do these things for as long as you can possibly stand it. He will begin to wonder what YOU are up to because you will no longer be fighting for his attention. He will want time with you because he will want to make sure no one else is getting it. Be sure you keep a good clean house and cook as often as possible. If this still does not get his attention, then do whatever else is your gut feeling.

Answer 5

Welcome to my world. I have been dealing with this for 16 months now. Just when I have made up my mind to pack my bags, he pulls this "oh, I am going to try harder" Example. last night I had shed my last tear over this man, and this morning he has acted like I am the important again. He does this flip-flop so much till I am going crazy. I have a teenager at home, who needs his father, or I would have been gone before now. I love this man with all my heart, he is my air, but he has me doubting my own sanity. Today, I am going to sit myself down, and make a list, (I know it sounds stupid) of pro and cons. Good days and bad, and if the bad days out weighs the good, then I am going to have to call it quits. This has ruined me physically, mentally, and financially, the things he has done to me, or the results of his just not caring anymore. I am scared, I have been with him for nearly 27 years, but his "mid-life" crisis, or whatever this is-I can't do it anymore. So, honey, I am sorry, that I have no real advice for you, but not let your love for him kill you. Things change, people change, and there is not a darn thing we can do about it, but ride the storm or move on. I am choosing to move. Happy, healthy days are ahead, and that's my way of dealing. Now, you got to find your way. I am not running, because I have gave it 16 months of heartbreaking work, and I admit defeat..but I am going to let it stop me. You don't let his problems get you down either. I pray that things will work out, and he will see what he is doing to you, and makes a real effort to help your marriage. God bless...

Answer 6

Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. What is he expecting from this "space"? Have you asked him if he wants this marriage to work? If he does, you both need to be in marriage counseling. It can work wonders. If he tells you he doesn't want to do therapy and he doesn't know what he wants from the "space", then, I think you will probably know where this is heading and you might want to get a lawyer. I wish you the best and keep your chin up. Good luck.

Answer 7

Maybe you should suggest counseling or a separation. A separation would probably snap him out of his funk with tthe threat that you might not be around forever to let him sulk. Do your own thing. Enjoy your time apart. Go out with old firends who you haven't had much time for since you got married. Don't let his foul mood affect you. And remember that no matter what you will be just fine. You are a lot stronger than you might think. :)

Answer 8

Start taking your own "space", hang out with your friends. Go out and have a few drinks, go dancing, whatever. In other words, stop living for him and live for you. When he sees this, I bet his attitude will change. Unless he already has someone else, he won't like it that you aren't all about him anymore.Just live your own life and let him chase you for a while. He's taking you for granted, girl, time to give him a wake up call.

Answer 9

Sounds like you and him need to get help with dealing with the problems in your marriage. Just one of you going is not going to make a difference it is going to take the both of you. If either one of you do not go or agree to go sounds like your marriage is in a lot more trouble than it already is. Taking my space for weeks at a time is not good for you or for him cause it will make the eye start to look for greener pasture. Each of you need to deal with problems on hand with help and stop sweeping them under the rug hoping they will get better.

Answer 10

I think you should tell him you give him the last chance to change or you want divorce. You should invite the both sides of parents and talk about it or the best friends who were really close to you people and when still he doesnt inproved then you should divorce him. wifes are there to be respected and to be loved and and taken care but not the other way around. make the right decision.

Answer 11

Ask him straight up if he loves you and does hwe want this marriage to work. My first impression as I read your question was that he has someone on the side. I'm sure you have considered that yourself. That would be my next move. But this is a man's opinion.