how do i forgive and forget?

Question

i found out my boyfriend was talking to another girl....a lot.....but he says they were just friends (even though he KNEW she liked him) and that he's known her since before he met me. i found pics of them together (while we were together) nothing nasty, just pics of them being very friendly towards each other. he says he only saw her a few times. i know he's not the type to sleep around but i can't help making up stories in my head about what went down between them. He swears up and down that he never did anything with her that they were just friends and i've never seen a man cry like that- but i still can't help thinking about it and feeling sick whenever i get a mental pic of him and her!!!! what do i do!!! We've been together 1 year and I love him to death and i know we were meant to be- i just want to get over this and move on and be happy but i don't know how!!!! HELP!!!!!!

He changed his phone number right away(and i get the bill her # hasnt shown up) and every day he tells me how much he loves me and he can't live without me and so on.......

Answer 1

trust him.

Answer 2

It's not a question of how to fogrive and forget, since he has not done wrong, at least from what I see you've described. Though that doesn't mean you don't feel as though you've been betrayed.

This really sounds like an issue where you have some issues with trusting him. He seems genuine, and sincere, unless he's just a very good actor in my opinion! Really what you need to do is work on your own self and try to figure out why you have such an issue with trusting him. And I understand these images that cloud you head and judgement sometimes aren't helping things either. Try to think the good thoughts - the whole list of reasons you find yourself so attracted to him in the first place. In your words - you know you are meant to be.

If you're unable to get past this simple issue now, imagine what it might be like when you ARE married - and he wants to grab happy hour at the bar with some coworkers, when one of them is a woman!

Take it all as it comes to you, and make every attempt to get over anything in the past. If you always live in the past, it becomes nearly impossible to enjoy the present and even look forward to the future!

Good luck to you both!

Answer 3

Bottom line....he's busted.

Now, you've got to decide if you can trust him again, and honey, it doesn't look too good right now with what you've said so far.

The pain you feel will always be there, it may get a bit better over time, but you'll never forget it. Don't kid yourself, he has caused great damage to your relationship, and even though he's sorry, he's crossed a line he just can't cross back over.

Even if you stay together, you'll never feel as secure as you once did...a harsh life lesson most of us learn along the way.

Men do stupid things, especially when their ego is involved. He still needs to mature or this would not have happened. Sorry or not, he's hurt you and he can't take it back.

Now, ask yourself....Can you live with this and do you really want to? You may love him, but you'll love again if necessary. Humans have an infinite capacity to be able to love again, and maybe this will somehow lead you down the path you're really meant to take....

I'm sorry for your pain, only time will really help.

Be strong, and good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like this guy is telling U the truth. U have to trust him unless he gives U a reason not too and so far it sounds like he's been nothing but honest with U. Consider Urself BLESSED that U have a great guy that cares about U and is willing to honest.
Changing his number was a great way for him to show U that he was telling the truth,let's face it most guys wouldn't have gone to that extreme.U have to get that mental pic outta Ur head as hard as that may seem. When ever U get those just simply replace them with thoughts of the two of U together.He's Urs NOW. Celebrate Ur relationship with him and love him for the great guy that he is.This will pass,and at least he has shown U the lengths that he will go too to make U happy.

Answer 5

I understand just how you feel, and you know what?
There is nothing your guy can do or say to make this feeling go away inside that you are feeling, there is one thing that you are trying to do that is wrong (from my point of veiw) and that is you are trying to forgive & forget and that just can't happen.
I just went through a situation sort of like this last week, with my husband, it was a trust issue, see the things is that when you are in a relationship there are a few things that is needed for the relationship to work and those things are:
1.Honest
2.Respect
3.Understanding
4.Loyality
5.Communcation
6.Friendship
7.Patience
8.Trust
9.Growth
10.Forgivness

Now there is no correct order but, these are the things that you need for a solid foundation to build a relationship on,
See there will always be someone who is on the outside looking into you guys relationship and will try to come between you all, that is were the Trust comes into play, see it's not the girlfriend you grew up with that you need to put your trust in, it's your man.
You can never trust a female when it comes to your man seriously, If you know him and Know that he would never hurt you like that or put another before you then it's not him that you worry about, follow?
See when something happens you have to say to yourself:
Hey! he is worth all of this trouble?
Will he do this to me again?
Can I FORGIVE him?
Not FORGET, but you have to learn how to Forgive, never forget.
If you can trust your guy then you just let it go, quit just sitting around thinking about it, let it go. see you have to realize that it has happened and it can not be taken back but, why waste all your free time and energy thinking about the past?
Ask yourself this question?
Can you let this go? I mean if you have an arguement two weeks from today would you go back and throw this in his face or can you deal with the problem of the present without digging up the past?
See this is what you need to figure out, If you can Let this go then you can forgive him but, if you want to hold on to this just to hurt him when you feel like he has hurt you then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
I hope this has helped you in some way.
Take it from me I know I am 38 years-old married with three daughters the oldest one will be 21 years-old in Dec.

Answer 6

this is difficult we say we forgive and forget but do we really? Once the trust is gone it's hard to move on . You looked on his new bill to see if your saw her phone. this will take some time if you will ever trust him again that's hard to say the forget part may never go away even if you think you forgot it will be something always reminding you of this issue sorry to say but this relationship has taking a turn for the worse

Answer 7

I would talk to him and ask him what his real feelings towards you are.. then ask about his real feelings toward that girl. It's hard to forgive someone when you KNOW they have done something wrong, but if you don't know that then you should try to move on with your life. Maybe you need a break from the guy.. to sort out your feelings. I know you say you love the guy, but sometimes it's good to have a break. Anyway, talk to him first.. then go from there. Good luck!

Answer 8

If you truly want to be with him and love him, have you love you, then you have to decide to trust him. This means making a conscious decision to NOT check his phone bill anymore, and letting him know you're not, that you Do trust him. This is the best way to make those feelings of jealousy and mistrust start to disappear so that your relationship has a chance to go forward. Of course this doesn't mean you need to go blind. If signs appear that he really is cheating on you, you will have to deal with them, but stop looking for them. If you keep on as is, your relationship will end for sure! Good luck to you!

Answer 9

I don't know about forgetting, but in terms of forgiving, I guess you can think about the fact that all humans make mistakes.

That being said, I'm not too sure about your boyfriend. I don't understand why he was so close to a girl who had strong feelings for him - that is just asking for trouble. Don't rush to make decisions. Take time out of the relationship if necessary. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like he messed up and is trying to fix it. You won't be able to forget, but you can forgive. In order to forgive, you have to LET IT GO....you chose to give him a second chance, so let it go, move on and be happy. If you bring it up all the time, he will get sick of hearing it and it will cause problems for you two. I know its not fair, but you are the one who chose to remain in the relationship, so you have to try and fix things as well. Good luck, it sounds like you love him, so give it a try. :)

Answer 11

You need to put her out of your mind before you do push him towards her. It sounds like your jealous of her and you shouldnt be unless he gives you good reason. Maybe if she got out of his life period it might make you feel better. Sit down and have a heart to heart with him and tell him what your thinking. Sometimes when we get like this we end up causing what we was afraid would happen. So chill and be lucky you got a man who loves you like he does.