Ladies, please read this?

Question

I love my wife with all my heart, but she is very overweight (I mean she has no figure at all because she is so big). She is really upset with me because our love making is not passionate and it is hard for me to be really passionate towards her because of her size. I have only ever told her that I love her but when she has asked why our love making is not passionate, I have explained to her that the more I can see of her figure, the more excited I get for her. I have never told her she was too big or anything like that (I would never do that). She still gets upset because our love making is not passionate enough and I don't know what to tell her anymore, I just keep saying the same thing and she still gets mad at me. What can I do?

Answer 1

says your going to the gym and ask if she wants to come and then make it a routine

Answer 2

Something is bothering your wife to make her not care about how she looks. She is dealing with low self-esteem and until the reason she feels so unworthy is resolved, nothing will change. Maybe something about you and/or your relationship is unfullfilling and she is using food as comfort. Why is she unhappy? Find this out and help resolve it and you will be on your way to a healthier happier relationship.
Above anything else, women need to be talked too and heard.
You can change a lot of things in your relationship if you are a good listener and communicator. Saying ~I love you~ is wonderful and don't stop telling her - but tell her she's beautiful and sexy once in a while too. Make her feel good so she wants to look good for herself, and for you.
You may think you are being kind by saying the more you see of her "figure" the more excited you get..... but women know when you are tippy toeing around the subject. It STILL sounds to her that you are saying "you don't turn me on because you're fat".
As difficult as it may be, can you try to be more passionate during love making..... even if it isn't really how you're feeling at the time. Women do it all the time.
You will be smart to NEVER say anything derrogatory about how she looks, but ALWAYS, when she makes the effort to look better, tell her she looks great.

Sit down and ask her what's bothering her, give her some real listening time and talk about solutions as to why she is so unhappy. Something is bothering her.
The littlest changes bring a lot of happiness.

She is screaming out for help.

Answer 3

If she's getting mad already you can certainly incur her wrath and go ahead and blurt out the truth. Some women would appreciate the direct approach but most are going to get really mad and then proceed to wallow in their own misery and pack on even more pounds.

The other option is to be very subtle and lead by example. You don't need an expensive gym membership to exercise. Take your wife on a romantic walk and suggest that you do it more often. Keep it light, laugh and talk and make it an enjoyable experience. Encourage her to do anything that gets her out of the house and on the move.

Express an interest in healthy recipes... again be very subtle about it and make small changes very slowly... stop buying soda and switch to bottled water instead. I dropped ten pounds in one month just by doing this alone.

If she catches on and still gets mad then you may want to suggest that she seek professional help. It could mean there is a psychological reason behind the weight gain that needs to be addressed.

And by the way, kudos to you! A lot of men would have just gone out and had an affair. She's a lucky lady! Best wishes!

Answer 4

It sounds like you love her very much even with the weight and that is the best thing you can do for her. My husband is my rock. He loves me and never stops. I went from size 14 when we met to 28 after having our baby. My heaviest was 310. It is very depressing in our society for woman of big beauty. There are many sights that promote BBW. There are clothes that can maybe help her to feel like the goddess she can be. My husband also took me to the Sybaris which is a romantic get away with a suite where you can be alone. Course that is like a band aide if there is a more serious problem going on. Some woman get angry about anything and put the blame on their mate. It's his fault that I'm fat, that sort of thing. GUILTY myself of this. We grow and learn together along the way. I have lost weight now and am dealing with the fact that I find myself less attractive now that I look deflated under my clothes. My husband keeps on loving me. So, I continue to focus on what he sees in me not just what I see with my eyes.

Answer 5

Its all in her mind... and she experienced something when she was a child, that keeps her this way. If you push her to loose the weight, she will push you back. It has to be her idea, and her idea only. You can encourage her by excercising w/ her. Suggest walks before or after dinner. Let her know that you love her unconditionally, and that you want her to be around for a long time..and you want to help her get healthier. I have / am battling weight loss, and for some reason..I get on a program for a month or so, and then stop. I dont like to feel pressure from anyone... but I like challenges.. that is what drives me... Maybe you can figure out what drives her...what motivates her..and go from there... Maybe make a bet w/ her... My husband offered me $1,000 for a new wardrobe if I did it, not because he doesnt like the way I look, but because he knows I want to loose it, and it is a struggle. Be positive w/ her.... good luck.

Answer 6

does she ever complain that she is overweight? If so, then ask if she wants to start going to the gym.Or, maybe you should both start eating healthier. If you just flat out tell her she's fat, she's probably going to be really upset and probably will feel hurt. I would approach her about her weight in a nice way. Has she gained a lot of weight since you have met her? Has she had children? That could be the reason why. You don't just love someone because of the way they look, you SHOULD also love them for their mind, so stop being so harsh about her weight and try to help her out.

Answer 7

Encourage an exercise program, and smaller portions. Try to get her to the gym, or buy work out dvds (the ones I bought for my wife only collect dust though). Try to totally eliminate junk food from the home. I'll catch my wife eating a big bowl of ice cream just before bed-time and flip out! If you're trying to lose weight, you shouldn't eat past 7 because you're just going to sit around or go to sleep afterwards and you won't burn any calories. I know you're in a tough spot- that you love her enough to ask the question, and that you want her to be healthy shows a lot... unfortunately people with weight problems are constantly in denial and are resentful if you try to help... believe me, I know! They think you're just out to make them feel bad and pick on them- which will lead to them caring even less for how they look. They don't seem to understand the importance of being healthy and taking proper care of themselves. 10lbs is one thing, but 50 is a whole other world. You can get health problems beyond heart conditions- your back and knees aren't meant to support all the extra weight. There's really no answer other than your wife finally putting her foot down and getting some will power of her own. You can only offer suggestions and be encouraging (and suffer as she bites your head off for trying to care). :) Good luck!

Answer 8

If she has no physical disabilty, doesn't a nice walk in the park sound romantic? Sounds like a good start to me!
Do you really think that she does not know that she is fat? There are reasons people get fat. Physical, and Emotional reasons. Help her to find hers.
By the way, when you wrote "I have explained to her that the more I can see of her figure the more excited I get for her" I was confused about what your problem was momentarily... Could you have missled her into thinking you prefere a bigger woman?

Answer 9

As a formerly heavy wife, let me just say that being encouraging to her is the best thing. Believe me, any negative comments you make will only result in her knowing (because you're telling her) that she doesn't measure up to your standards and that you want to change her. The other side of the issue, too, is....is there something about you that she doesn't like? Sometimes, it is a battle of wills. One person is not willing to change something because the other person has no plans to change something. That was the situation in my case. Please be supportive of her. TRUST ME...she KNOWS she's heavy and doesn't like it. However, telling her she's somehow lacking will not help the situation. Start walking with her in the evenings, start cooking healthy meals for her (and yourself), get out and ride bikes. She wants very much to be with you and love you. She wants to know you accept her and love her.

Answer 10

maybe you need to make some life style changes together, instead of pointing fingers, do it together

Go grocery shopping with her and CHOOSE healthy options for food around the house. NO cookies, no chips, choose fresh organic produce and start focusing on better food choices. You could offer to go for walks together after dinner, try starting other activities that keep you off the couch and away from the TV. try joining a gym together to do yoga classes or swimming together.. try to make this more about things you do together, and it will help her get active and have better food to eat at home, and her weight will start to change and she will feel better about herself.

But in the meantime, don't skirt the subject about sex, let her know that her lack of self maintenance shows YOU that she doens't care enough about herself to take good care of herself, which is effecting things in the bedroom.

Answer 11

I HAVE A COUPLE OF SOLUTIONS:
1.maybe u should try doin stuff w/ her 2 lose weight on the sneak. Go down to the beach and walk down the pier or go bicycle riding. I know...complain about how u want to get ripped and have that pack and be like im going on a diet. You cook the meals so u can control wat she eats. My dad cooks for us so wat he eats we eat. We cant go to certain places becuz it might "tempt" him. Ask her to do somethings w/ u exercise-wise so ya'll can get be strong together & get closer. Wat she wont know is that ur helping her too.
2.you dont have 2 just b passionate w/ sex. Be passionate w/ everything. Show her ur relationship is more than sex. Suprise her w/ a meal in front of the fireplace, send her flowers 2 work 4 no reason, just call and tell her u lover her. Make her seem like u truely cant live w/out her.
3.Ask her wat she wants when u make love and then try to please her. Experiment.
U SOUND LIKE A PRETTY NICE GUY AND THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT UR PARTNER. I HOPE THAT YA'LL WILL GO FAR IN UR MARRIAGE. GOOD LUCK!