I love my wife with all my heart, but she is very overweight (I mean she has no figure at all because she is so big). She is really upset with me because our love making is not passionate and it is hard for me to be really passionate towards her because of her size. I have only ever told her that I love her but when she has asked why our love making is not passionate, I have explained to her that the more I can see of her figure, the more excited I get for her. I have never told her she was too big or anything like that (I would never do that). She still gets upset because our love making is not passionate enough and I don't know what to tell her anymore, I just keep saying the same thing and she still gets mad at me. What can I do?
2006-07-19 02:20:13 · 13 answers · asked by guy4laffs 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
Help her with the weight loss. Suggest you go for long walks together. Buy a couple of bicycles or even a tandem bike for two. Go on a swimming date, whatever. Start requesting healthier meals (I'm assuming she's the cook -- If you cook, it makes it easier...cook healthy). Say, "Let's have two vegetables with our meals and cut out the starches and breads." That sort of thing. The point is, do it together. No matter your current state of health, you will benefit too...and so will your marriage.
And whenever she makes a positive effort to make a change, reward her...a new outfit when she loses a dress size, kisses, cuddling, sex, positive comments about the changes you are seeing...even little ones..like more energy or the wonderful glow she has after exercising, praise the meal, etc.
2006-07-19 02:40:50 · answer #1 · answered by kathy_is_a_nurse 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take the time to talk to you wife. In an outdoor setting and make it romantic. Approach the conversation in a manner that you will not hurt your wife's feelings. Ask her how she feels about herself and if she tells you offer some encouragement to her. Offer to walk with her in the early morning so it is not so hot. Not to be cruel, but when you made the statement. "I have explained to her that the more I can see of her figure, the more excited I get for her!" That put her self-esteem down to about -50 below. Help her get her self-esteem back to where it should be way up there close to 100%. It is actually hard for a woman to understand why her husband does not give her the passion that she needs to feel good about herself. As long as she feels this way. (If my husband loves me then why can't he show Me the Love???) That is a difficult question for a woman.
Let me tell you something. When I met my husband I weighed abaout 140lbs. Last year, I have was put on prednisone (steriods) and boom I swelled up like a hot air balloon weigh up to 295. Big difference. I have lost quiet a bit of weight since April this year, I am down to 211. The problem is, I feel like my husband doesn't want me anymore. We make love but I feel like he is not putting alot of passion in it. And when I ask him about this, he says he doesn't want to hurt me. So I explained to him that making love is not always about sex, it is about spending time with one another, breathing the same air at the same time, being passionate by holding me while watching tv, a kiss on the forehead..the list can go on & on. I am at he point that I do not feel like my husband loves me but I know he does but my self-esteem will not let me feel the love or see it because when I look in the mirror, my stomach turns and I think if this is how I feel about myself what does my husband think??
2006-07-19 03:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by ~Sheila~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you don't tell her that she's too big, or anything like that. So many men hurt their wives feelings like that. Geez, this is a tough question. It would be awful to try to "fake" passion, and I don't see how that would help your situation,but maybe just totally try to focus on how much you love her and want her to be happy, then just give her the passion she deserves. You might enjoy it afterall? Passion doesn't have to be all about her body either, kiss her lips with passion, play with her hair! Talk passionately to her!
2006-07-19 02:40:00 · answer #3 · answered by violindiva72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Encourage her to go to the gym by YOU coming along with her to motivate her. When you two go grocery shopping, be careful and not buy things that she may crave... So that means you're going to be on the diet with her as well. She needs to feel that she is still special and that she's the only one for you regardless of her weight. But the only way to do that is if you join in and help give her a hand in this situation. Then start to compliment her, to make her feel more of a woman for herself and for YOU - that's she's good enough for you. So stop TALKING, and just communicate on one accord, by doing something about her weight, together. And over time, your love making sessions should be right back on track. You love her for her, of course, but you want things to be back to the way they were, you have to make sacrifices as well.
2006-07-19 04:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by reading ur question, i can see tht ur very loving and caring towards ur wife, and tht u would hate to upset her.. tht only shows ur loving and caring nature.. but if u really care for her, u would tell her abt losing sum wieght.. apart from better love making, she will be getting rid of thousands of diseases! better yet, u both could go and work out together... she can work on a more slim and fit body while u can also tone up ur body and get more muscular... make her sit down in front of u, look in to her eye and hav a good long discussion.. and talk ur way sweetly and make sure tht this discussion dosent end up in an arguement.. talk softly and listen to wht she's got to say.. talk frm point to point..and encourage her when she strts working out! meditation and yoga r amazing ways to lose weight.. join sum health programs.. tht will help too! dont throw away all the junk and work out! dont stop her frm junk suddenly.. strt reducing it alittle by little.. if u do it too fast she wil become upset and the first junk she gets on her hand, she will wolf it down! and yea.. show ur support by dieting and working out with her.. and be tactful!
2006-07-19 02:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by saifali_1993 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no offense but do you truly love her?? if you do then her size should have nothing to do with how passionate you love making is. otherwise have you asked her what her expectations are and how you are not meeting them? or what has led her to feel that you aren't passionate towards her?? sorry that's all i got good luck!!
2006-07-19 02:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you can have sex! My husband and I can't for several reasons, but still. Have you tried different positions? Also, maybe that is why my hubby has a problem with me. He loves me very much, but he doesn't want to see me, it seems.
2006-07-19 02:29:46 · answer #7 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you two can do activities together like (go to the park,paddle boats,hike,swim,and garden together) and she wont even know that she is getting a work out.she will think that you are just spending time together.and the pound will just roll off.some things are just better left unsaid.take actions without hurting her
2006-07-19 02:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so how big are you? maybe you two should join a gym together so your love making can be passionate.
2006-07-19 02:24:57 · answer #9 · answered by Nova J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you will do especially to help is to be waking her up every morning make her do some exercise and also tell her some good ward just to make she happy and, if you know that thing you tell her that well make her mad at you, stop saying it to her
2006-07-19 02:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by tina c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋