I love my wife with all my heart, but she is very overweight (I mean she has no figure at all because she is so big). She is really upset with me because our love making is not passionate and it is hard for me to be really passionate towards her because of her size. I have only ever told her that I love her but when she has asked why our love making is not passionate, I have explained to her that the more I can see of her figure, the more excited I get for her. I have never told her she was too big or anything like that (I would never do that). She still gets upset because our love making is not passionate enough and I don't know what to tell her anymore, I just keep saying the same thing and she still gets mad at me. What can I do?
2006-07-19 02:18:57 · 41 answers · asked by guy4laffs 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh by the way for those ladies who say this doesn't matter at all. Good luck with your marriage I'm sure your man appreciates that you don't care what he thinks.
2006-07-19 02:37:25 · update #1
Was she this size when you started seeing each other, or has she put the weight on since the two of you have been together? Maybe you both could start walking together, getting into shape together. Support her. Tell her that if she needs help taking the weight off, you will support her. I guess just keep reassuring her how great your love is for her.
2006-07-19 02:25:07 · answer #1 · answered by save_me_now 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could help her find out why she is overweight. Get her to go the doctor and have him/her run tests to make sure there isn't something else going on (I presently have no thyroid and when I got pregnant my first two times, no one knew until after I had gained 25 lbs each time and then lost the baby). Get her to start walking, by offering to walk with her. Show some interest in her other than sexually. She must have had some other quality you liked before you married her? She also might be depressed or worried about something. If she is depressed help her get to doctor for treatment. If she is stressed find out what is stressing her and help her to relieve that stress. But get involved with her in physical activities. Try to get rid of all junk food in the house and ask her if the two of you together could work out some kind of menu together. So that this way you can fix dinners together that are healthy. Buy smaller plates that are blue - I read somewhere that blue helps to lower the appetite. Repaint the kitchen blue (again the reading) so that the appetite is lessened. Smaller plates make you think you are getting more. Work with her, let her know that you love her and want her around for a long time to come, but that at her weight you are worried that won't be long. Good Luck.
2006-07-19 02:27:20 · answer #2 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is an important issue. If there is no attraction (physical or mental) than there is not much of a marriage.
I think you are being very kind about this, time to step it up, if you want change you need to initiate it and beating around the bush and walking on egg shells not to hurt her feelings will never solve this weight issue.
First you need to be realistic about the changes she can make and the time it would take and the effort YOU BOTH need to put into it. You also need to take a look at your own life style (are you overweight?), you can only expect her to do what you expect of yourself.
Now... with that said... without blantantly having the "Honey, you are too big, please get a gym membership" conversation, there are things you can do to start the change in her behavior. Example: Rather than sitting on the couch and eating dessert after dinner, tell her you want to go on a stroll around the neighborhood. Breakfast on the weekends, instead of having frozen EGOs, eggs and bacon or french toast, prepare some sliced fruit for her with a cup of yogurt and granola. Promote more healthful food habits by going to the grocery store with her and together picking up fruit, fresh fish, lean meat, cereal, low fat milk and yogurt rather than chips, pop, cookies, ice cream, etc.
With little steps like that you can help get her started without having to have an embarassing and uncomfortable discussion.
Now I have not seen your wife, and this may not be enough (although I KNOW it will make a difference over time), maybe you should suggest getting a gym membership together, and purchase her a few sessions with a personal trainer. You could start a healthful eating program of your own and encourage her to join you in getting in shape TOGETHER. The key is not to point fingers at her and her lack-of-a-figure, but to show her you are in this weight-loss goal together (As in you are in your marriage together). I will bet money you are not the fittest person in the world, so there are changes you can make to your own life style, which will most likely inspire her to get healthy with you.
You sound reasonable and considerate towards your wife in regards to this issue. Good luck.
2006-07-19 02:57:48 · answer #3 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doing the same thing over and over again (or saying the same thing over and over again) and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.
Passionate sex is a two way street. She can't expect you to provide all the passion. But if you have become withdrawn, I can understand why she's upset. On that front, you two need to talk together about ways to spice up your sex life.
In the end, you are going to have to have an open, honest, loving converstation with her about all of this. Truth is vital to a marriage, even when it isn't pleasant.
Ask yourself a few questions - Why does her weight turn you off? Does her appearance bother you in any other aspects of life? Are you worried about her health or just preoccupied with looks? What do you want to change? What are you willing to do to help make that change happen?
2006-07-19 02:32:34 · answer #4 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember going through this with my ex-husband years ago. I gained 20 lbs. (mind you I am 5 ft 7) and went from 125 lbs. to 145 lbs., no biggie. My husband said the same thing to me. He said he was not attracted to me anymore, and did not want to have a sexual relationship with me anymore. What did this do to me, I ended up with an eating disorder (anorexia) which resulted in me weighing 110 lbs. Long story short. If you really love her, what does it matter what the outside looks like? We will all eventually age, wrinkles, lose our hair and toned skin, etc. What will be left in your relationship, when the outside shells are gone? All that matters, is what is on the inside. If your wife is overweight to the point of being unhealthy, then that is a different story. You can support her by helping make healthy meals or doing exercise or athletic activity together, but don't give her a complex about her weight, it can only lead to a bad situation.
2006-07-19 02:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the truth hurts especially when its to do with a loved one and telling her that she is over weight well women don't act to that so kindly. I think the best way to deal with the situation without hurting her feelings is maybe try to do some active activities together for example long romantic walks, swimming, any thing active which you both can enjoy together and hopefully her weight should start to drop. I am curious though does she feel that she has a weight problem, does she complain about the way she looks? if so then it should be easier for you to do active things together Good Luck hope all turns out for the best.
2006-07-19 02:33:47 · answer #6 · answered by mermaiden_4_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy, but you will have to speak with finesse and understanding. Your wife probably has her own body image issues about her weight, and she already knows she is a big lady. Telling her you want to see her figure is not helping because that is her figure right now. You could approach it as if you, yourself are experiencing issues with your own body, and are concerned about your health and fitness. If you agree to begin a excercise and diet plan to improve your physique then she may be willing to do the same without feeling hurt or criticized, and in the end you both win if it happens!
2006-07-19 02:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by playershort2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you were being nice and sincere to your wife. I think that maybe you should let her know the truth. Dont make it like that now she is too big u will never be attracted to her but make it more like if she decides to lose weigth u will be more than willing to lose it with her.........like you will exercise with he, eat whatever she eats, and so on.........a little motivation goes a long way.......or u can do what my father does......he always took my mother out walking around the block or just having long romantic walks but in reality he was helping her lose weight by walking....so now it is all good
2006-07-19 02:25:15 · answer #8 · answered by kymmie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youve already told her its her figure and that is hurtful. Do you have enough time to do physical activities with her. Ask her if she wants to go out for a walk like after dinner (Thats when most people sit around) its hot everywhere right now and beautiful to walk in. Get supportive, eat healthy together, tell her you love her and are worried about her health, not (I get excited about your figure:smaller is what she is hearing. Stop that and do what I said get out and excercise with her, shop for groceries with her. Kiss her and say I love you,o.k.?
2006-07-19 02:26:11 · answer #9 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physical attarction is important in any relationship, you should'nt feel bad. She really needs to come to terms with the why, be upfront. You deserve to be happy, love hurts sometimes. In the long run she will be gratefull if she is not selfish, a marriage is an effort that takes two. Be suportive.
Good Luck
2006-07-19 02:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by starchild_kisschild 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋