My partner and I live in South Africa. He is going to university in the USA for one year and since we are not married I am not legible for an F2 dependant visa and therefore cannot go with him. He says that he does not want to marry me to keep the US bureaucrats happy. I will have to return to my country of birth since we are vacating the house we have been renting. he does should I continue with him even it is clear that he has no intention of formalising our relationship? Should I trust a person who is obviously willing for us to be separated instead of getting married so we can stay togeather? Does he love me? What do I do? It is a very difficult situation for me, my heart is broken into pieces, please anyone that can advise!!
2006-07-19 01:09:22 · 8 answers · asked by Isi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he will not marry you to keep the US bureaucrats happy ask him if he is will to marry you to keep you happy and to be able to live close to him. If he says no then he really does not love you enough for you to stay with him. Four years is long enough for him to know if he loves you or not. Any time longer you stay with him with out a marriage commitment is time wasted on your part. There are plenty of other men in this world that you can meet and fall in love with. Don't stay with a man who does not love you to want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. With the bond of marriage couples try to work out their differences more than without marriage. Settle for nothing less. Don't sell yourself short.
2006-07-19 01:23:55 · answer #1 · answered by # one 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. I was with my husband for 3-1/2 yrs and he had to go to another state for a year to finish his internship-he would not marry me before he left either. I lived by the philosophy that if set someone free and it comes back it was meant to be and I also went forward with my life and concentrated on making myself the best I could be. I did not pressure him or guilt him but continued to support him and love him. He returned home a year later and we were married the next year. We were married for 23 yrs, had 3 children and I lost him to sudden cardiac arrest unexpectedly a year ago. Have strength, believe in yourself, do not become obsessed with who, what and where he is and if it is meant to be it will be. Men really do love a strong self-confident woman and showing him you can go forward without him may be the strength he needs you to have right now. He has alot of responsibility on his shoulders right now too and if you show your love and support over the next year he will see and know it and it may make him more endeared towards you and if not you have atleast gained the strength and ability to go forward in your life. A marriage is a life-long committment and his education should come before that-give him that abillity without guilt as that is unconditional love. He may realize this and never let you go again if the distance can stand the test of time. Take care of yourself and work on being the best woman you can be-you might be surprised!
2006-07-19 01:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him directly. "Do you want me to wait for you, after you go to USA? Or should I consider myself free, with no responsabilities and should I search for another partner, maybe a lifetime one as I wanna get married, have a family, children....? If you want same thing as me I am willing to wait for you as 1 year is not so much, and we could get married when you come back. But if you don't love me to that extent of desiring a family together, then I willl leave you behind and move on as I want more from life"....I know it's hard, but it he sees you so heartbroken and feels no compasion and will to be with you forever, it's crystal clear he doesn't love you so much. He just likes you and that's not enough for building up a family. He's not worth it.
2006-07-19 01:25:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look after yourself,you need to make sure YOU are ok.
If your partner is prepared to just leave you to your own devices and get back home by yourself then hes not showing much respect for you and if hes not willing after 4 years to even think of marrying you then i dont think your partner sees much of a future with you.
I was with my x for 5 years and knew even when we got engaged that i would never marry him,i went along with everything just to please everyone else but i always knew i would never marry him.
Your partner has already told you he is not prepared to marry you so i really dont know what other clue you need to see the fact that hes not prepared to commit to you.
If he is studying for a better future and cant see you with him in this future you need to begin a life without him.
Remember,no one is putting a gun to your head and making you stay with him,you are with him because you want to be with him but maybe this relationship has run its course and your partner is letting you down gently.
You must do whats in YOUR best interest,not your partners.
Look after you and if this is meant to be then your paths will cross again.
2006-07-19 01:20:11 · answer #4 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a hard heart that u love so dearly....it's plain to see that u care a whole lot more than the tin bucket ur willing to follow to the US! its a sad deal for u,and i think ur seeing it late...yet u, r finally,seeing it....u gotta go on without him...he has gotta be equally concerned,awrt...?
2006-07-19 01:15:41 · answer #5 · answered by El-rene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like bullsh*t. Leave him.
2006-07-19 01:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by mark r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will marry you later if everything goes well.
2006-07-19 02:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
debbie has the most responsible answer, here.
thanks , debbie.
2006-07-19 01:31:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋