Drugs and relationships - How can i get him to quit without destroying our relationship?

Question

We have been together for nearly two years and have a daughter together. when we first got together he told me he would quit pot and cigs cos i wouldnt be with him otherwise. now i find out that he has started back up again and has hidden it from me.

what can i do to convince him to quit without threatening our relationship?

Answer 1

My soon to be husband told smoked cigarettes when we met and I totally hate this nasty little habit so he promised to quit. Well, he did quit for about 5 months and then he started again and hid it from me. I found out by finding a pack of cigarettes in his car. Well, he's currently in the process of stopping again and is taking Zyban and he's doing really well. I think the difference is that he's quitting on his own for his own reasons and for his own health. In the past, I was putting pressure on him to do something that I wanted him to do and we all know that life doesn't work that way. However, I didn't nag him about it although he's never smoked around me but I just pretended like I didn't care that he'd possibly get lung cancer and etc. And when he thought I didn't care, this is when he made a step so pretend like it's not a big deal and he will change when he get's ready and then be as supportive as you can because nicotine is highly addictive. Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 2

I think that you should take the time to have a "Heart to Heart" talk with him - Make sure that he is sober and well enough to communicate with you.

Speak cleary and stay calm. Try to leave out any emotions..which may be difficult.

Otherwise, if it doesn't work that way, I think that another option would be to write what you would say in a letter instead and hand deliver it to him at the right time. Give him time to respond.

At that time if he takes action, then you'll know that he understands you and is willing to do what it takes in order to be a "Responsible Family Man"


I think that if you really want to have this person involved in your daughter's life as well as yours - I would suggest seeking help. For example, there are many counseling and other professional services that may helpful.

Keep in mind that for every problem, there is always a solution and only time will tell. With God, all things are possible...

Take Care and Good Luck!

Answer 3

Tell him exactly how you feel and make arrangements to seperate for a while until he "gets himself together". He may never come back again or he may be too late when/and/if he comes back or (hopefully) he will do something about his addiction right away.

My wife of 10 years walked away from a middle class lifestyle and 4 kids because of drugs...and I let her. I moved out of the state, got a new house and a great job and raised our 4 kids for the past 2 years.

Shes been clean now a year and we are discy=ussing the possibility of her moving near me (for the kids) or if she can take our girls.

Email me if u want to discuss further.

Answer 4

Well ask him one thing at a time. If you're with someone, you are with them for who they ARE, not who you WANT them to be. I think you shouldn't ask him to change himself for you, but for your daughter. Ask him to quit marijuana first, so he will have cigs to fall back on when he is craving the pot. Trying to get someone off of cigs is near impossible if they've been doing it for so long. But I dont think you can ask him to put a hault on both of them at the same time. Let him smoke his cigs, OUTSIDE and away from you. Don't kiss him afterwards, it's nasty, and I am sure you know that. Lets say he is smoking a pack a day. Gradually, get him down to half a pack, then a quarter, then maybe 2 or 3 a day. Good Luck!

Answer 5

he has to want to stop for himself. The more you try and make him stop the more he will want to smoke. And the more you pester you'll push him away. People with addictions are usually insecure people and without the source of addiction they feel very vulnerable. When you tell him to stop you are making him face insecurities and he does not like how that feels and he will turn that feeling towards you and step further away from you. Be patient, tell him you love him and will wait until he is ready to give up for himself. In the meantime do not make an issue of it but at the same time have nothing to do with his intake or even discuss it with him until he is sick of it himself. sooner or later he will realise that the addiction and your relationship are two separate things and need to be handled that way.

Answer 6

u got a daughter, u must first pray and talk to him after to see if there is any other problem that is the cause for him to this, after a period of time...dont take it personally.he is back on drugs becoz HE is not strong.and he needs help.do u have any friends to motivate him to work hard, when he is pre-occupied with stuff to do, he wont go back to it.wen ur left useless, even relaxing seems a tough thing to do...but usefully working keeps one focussed...

Answer 7

TALK 2 HIM make him feel that he has a family who loves him n cares for him, that HE IS NOT ALONE.. YOU ALL are there for him..HE NEEDS your support... take him to a drug rehab.. institute as SOON as possible dotors will guide u the rest. KEEP HOPE ...

Answer 8

tell him to be strong and quit the drugs for you and your daughter. both of you have to communicate nicely for the sake of having a whole family together.

Answer 9

there is nothing u can do because weather u like it or not hes still going to do it just let him know u dont want him doing that and if hes going to do it then he not to do around u and dont came roundd u high either

Answer 10

that's kind a hard... addiction is something we cannot just easily remove from somebody's system. talk to him about it why he was doing it despite his promise to quit. don't judge him though, love him more and try to talk to him to about getting professional help [rehabilitation, for example]. goodluck.