Family problems, please help?

Question

I am 17 now but I told my family I was gay when I was 14. When I told my parents my dad went berserk and beat me up pretty badly. Things had calmed down since then but I recently got a girlfriend and when he came into my room and caught us going in for a kiss he kicked her out and hit me again. He's been threatening me every day since then and slapped me the other day for having a pride flag sewed on my backpack. We used to be so close, i was totally daddys little girl, he'd never been abusive before i told him but now the notion of my being lesbian seems to enrage him instantly. i don't wanna lose the love of my dad, even though i think i already have. I really like my girlfriend she totally understands me, but if its going to be like this should i just leave her and wait until i can get out of the house? I try to talk to them but neither my mom nor my dad want to talk. I'm so confused and I'm really hurting inside and out. I'd love some opinions because i'm nearing the end of my rope

Answer 1

First off remember that when you are at the end of your rope just tie a knot in the end of it and hang on. Soon you will be able to climb back up to the top of it.

Parents are never easy to deal with on issues period. Especially when it comes to sexuality. All parents want the same for their kids. Grow up, get married and have many grandbabies. But life isnt always about what our parents want. The best thing though is try to keep peace as much as possible. And a little hint. If you were straight and had a boy over they would have freaked just as much if you had been caught about to kiss him. Your parents still and will always love you. They may not understand or ever except the life you have chosen. But that is your life. You have to think of what is best for you and not what makes them happy. They have lived their lives the way they want and you can now do the same. At 17 you always have the option of getting a job and getting out on your own. It is not an easy decision but it is a practical one. If you have hopes of further education this can be done as well out on your own.
Dont ever give up. Dont ever let anyone make you think that you are any less of a person because you are who you are. Keep your head up and keep your hopes and dreams alive.
You should respect your parents and not force this issue in their faces. After all you are living in their house. And reguardless you have to abide by their rules. Pushing this in their face will only make it worse. This is why I say at 17 you have other options than just staying there. It will be a strugle and wont be easy. Moving out on your own never is. But the rewards are great when you have to work hard for something. In the end it will all work out for the best. If your parents never come around on this issue and except your lifestyle. Then so be it. You have to move on. Eventually they will realize that they are missing out on your life and will except you for who you are. If your girlfriend is truely understanding of the situation then she will remain a part of your life no matter how little you are able to see her at the prestent moment. If not then love WILL COME AGAIN.
I wish you all the best in the life you have ahead of you. Life is what you make it. So make it the best you can. Live every day as though it is your last one here on earth. Enjoy all that life has to offer you. And never let anyone hold you back. Even your parents.
If the pain is to much for you to handle I suggest a gay and lesbian group for teens. They do great work and will be able to help you with issues better than anyone else.
Oh yea. Remember to smile.

Answer 2

I can feel your hurt all the way thru the wires to here. That just sucks. Your dad has real issues, big issues. They are his issues, so don't hate yourself for them. You got a crummy deal, but know that you are not alone.

I'm sorry that this is forcing you into adulthood early, but hope that you can deal with this situation in a way that is best in the long run. You have options. You can call in social services or the cops, but if you can manage the situation without them, at 17 you're probably better off. The goal right now is to minimize how much this will screw up the rest of your life. If you keep your sexual identity outside of the house (no symbols, no photos, no gf visits, etc) and lay low, will he leave you alone? (You don't have to give up your gf to do this, you just have to put on a different face at home.) If so, then think of what you can gain by staying. Work p/t to get work experience and to save some resources not to mention reducing the time you're at home, but definitely finish school. Start figuring out your options after graduation, and the best path to take to go where you want to go. In other words, try to focus on how great your life can be in a few years and what it takes to get there. This is most viable if you can take actions to reduce the hostility in your home. There is way too much emotion running round for your folks to get how this hurts you or to accept you for who you are. They can't deal so don't try to make them.

If the violence continues, you need to get out of the house. See if you have friends or other family that can help you transition to self sufficiency. In any case, seek out an LGTB group for support.

Your life will get better.

Answer 3

Slow Down Hun, I can feel your pain from here. No need for any rope. You are loved.


Your Dad still loves you he just is ignorant about your feelings, his feelings, and is afraid of them.

Maybe he had a bad experience when he was younger, for instance, he dated a girl that dumped him for a girl or something and does not know how to deal with the situation.

Something he experienced is why he is behaving this way it is not your fault. He doesn't know how to handle his own feelings and he is trying to protect you from something that doesn't need protecting but that he needs to get off his chest so he can be a better man.

I do not agree with him in hitting you in anyway over this.

God Bless You and keep your chin up things will get better.

Answer 4

The big problem is not that he's homophobic, but that he's hitting you! You can actually get out of the house *now*. Do you have a supportive relative who lives nearby, or perhaps a friend's house? What about a teacher or someone else whom you can tell? You can't keep living like this.

Also, when you look at college, take a look at The Point Foundation. (http://www.thepointfoundation.org) It is especially intended to help LGBT teens whose parents don't support them.

I am so sorry. *hug* You can reconcile later. You need to take care of your own safety now.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Omg...this seems like a serious problem you should talk to a counselor at you school or some one that can help you because that is not right for you father to be beating on you like that....If that is the way they are treating you...you might have to go live some where else if you have the chance because if you nearing the end of your rope it sounds like you might kill yourself and that is not the way to go....you might be gay but God still loves you and that is not something that Jesus would want you to do...So I think that you should like talk to a counselor because if they act like that towards you talking to them I dont think would really help....

Answer 7

It's very hard for your parents to accept that you are gay, so try to avoid reminding them by bringing your girlfriend over to your house. Give them some time and try talk to them.
If this doesn't work, try to get a job so you can support yourself, and move out.

Answer 8

Hey sweetie, I'm sorry i hadn't read this question when i answered you other question. If he hits you again, call the police. He has absolutely no right to hit you. I know that he's your dad, but hitting you is unacceptable. he should learn after that. Don't let him hurt you anymore, sweetie. i'm sorry for what you've been going through. remember, sweetie, anytime you need to talk, just email me.

Answer 9

i know you dont want to call the cops on your dad but you can not let anyone hit you EVER!!!!so i think you need to deal with this problem first.in the mean time,talk to your gf and explain to her that as much as you like her,you dont think she should come over till you can have a safe home,for her safety and yours.talk to a family friend,a teacher,the cops,someone,please.you can always see your gf away from your house but i wouldnt bring her back to your parents house again.good luck hon

Answer 10

I would say get out of the house if other family knows and understands. Go to them and ask for help. If no other family members know then go to a friends house and ask them for help. If it gets any worse then go to DSS for your dad beating you.