Ladies, what do you base you self esteem on? what makes you feel good about yourself?

Question

Hi All,

I'm asking this because I'm trying to help my GF feel better about herself and it occurs to me that maybe the fairer sex bases their feelings of self-esteem on different things than I, an most guys might.

For me self-esteem comes from a feeling of efficacy, i.e. doing things well, from having a purpose as well as from being regarded well by my those around me. Would the list be the same for most women or would it be different.

Answer 1

Basically it makes me feel good to know that I can make others feel good. When someone says stuff like "thanx I couldnt do it without you" it makes people feel good to be needed the same should go for your gf tell her how grateful you are to her and all should go well. But be careful not to lie to make her feel good this mostly backfires. Remember honesty is the best policy.

Answer 2

In my life, my self esteem comes from a more spiritual understanding of who I am, integrity between what I believe and how I act... long story- I won't go there right now...

A lot of times a woman's sense of value comes from serving, helping. That's just how we've been raised... think- Mrs Cleaver.

Our culture also tends to de-value people and women in general who don't fit into the group called "attractive"... women who may have physical differences, who are heavier than they'd like to be, etc.

Often something in a person's past can affect their ability to love themselves. Abuse, rape, parental neglect, etc.

Sometimes it can simply be a case of hormones. I know that I can get to be a real b**** when that time of the month comes around. Some women get weepy, sad, depressive, etc.

My suggestion- keep telling her that you love her, that she's smart, pretty, kind, etc... whatever applies. Eventually, she'll start to believe you. It may take a while.

Another idea- Try promising yourself that you will only speak positive to her... My uncle tried that. He said it took a couple years, but now, my aunt really likes herself. He's always thought she was pretty great, and now she agrees.

Answer 3

My self-esteem results from many things. I guess the first thing is that I believe I'm a good person and I feel happy about that. I try my best to the the right thing everyday (although it doesn't always work...I'm human). I also feel good that I have close friends who love me and are there for me. I've weathered many ups and downs in life and have finally come out on the other side. My strength and sense of self makes me feel good.

Make sure your girlfriend knows what a wonderful person she is. Applaud her accomplishments and tell her you're proud of her.

Answer 4

This is my motto "If others can, why can't I". Hope this would help your gf.

* How to Raise Your Self Esteem *
Is the glass half full or half empty? It's all about perception. If you feel confident your esteem will soar and the sky is the limit.

Steps
For starters look for inspirational phrases and put them on your mirror, fridge, computer, or anywhere you can see them. For example: I am wonderful... I believe in myself...etc..
Always meditate and imagine yourself the way you want to be. If you want to be happy, act it. Become what you desire to become.
Always have dreams. They will not only make the day go faster, but they will give you incentive to pursue them. Having goals will help you look forward to achieving something.
Smile everyday. Always find something positive in your day. Take a walk in the park, take a relaxing bubble bath, talk to a friend, reward yourself with whatever makes you happy.

Tips
Smile and even if you have to pretend to be happy do it. You'll see how contagious happiness is.
Don't forget, you can do anything you put your mind to.
If you don't like how you look, every time you see yourself in the mirror tell yourself you look sexy. (i know it sounds cheesy, but it works.)

Warnings
Don't surround yourself with negative people, news, or anything that can put your mood down.

Answer 5

The obvious solution is to try to improve people’s self-esteem by pointing out their good traits.

The feeling of low self-esteem is apparently nothing more than an indication you aren’t getting enough positive feedback from other people. You may not be getting rejected or criticized, but to really feel good about ourselves, we need something more than that. We need acknowledgment, compliments, appreciation. We need people to notice us and like us.



And they said you could protect yourself by making an effort to think well of yourself — say good things to yourself, repeat affirmations, acknowledge your good traits, etc



We can also help people do better. Of course! If someone is getting along well with her peers and she’s succeeding at something — trumpet, hobby, schoolwork, job, athletics — it will improve her self-esteem. So find a way to help her accomplish something. When people do well, they tend to feel better about themselves.

TIP initially i answered yahoo questions cheekily, but today i take time to identify with the need of the person and research and answer the best way possible, "THE CATCH": this has raised my self esteem and i suggest you get her to do this it will help her feel better knowing she is capable of helping someone out there in the world.

Ciao good luck

Answer 6

hey

girls do tend to be affected by the same things as guys but it seems to come on a higher level

girls are emotinal- this we all no - but they can be effected by the atmosphere at work, home etc

we can also be shallow - she's prettier, thinner, nicer hair
etc etc etc

the best thing for you to do is let her no what she means to you- dont no how long you have been goin out but you seem to really care about her - let her no that you will be there no matter what - if the prob is something shallow - then let her no she is your type of woman, etc

if she is unhappy bout work or something that can be changed encourage her to move forward to doing something she wants to do - not easy with bills etc but if it'll make her happier

just be there for her and she might open up to you then you can be the knight in shining armour that helps her be happy again

good luck !!!

Answer 7

It sounds very reasonable to me. My self-esteem is based on performance of my various roles, according to the value I place on those roles. It may be that your GF has a different set of values than you - so what looks to you like a very important part of her life may not loom as large.

Appearance and youth are very important to most women, whether or not we admit it.

Answer 8

Honestly, I base my self esteem on the depth of my friendships. Just knowing that someone counts on me, someone cares about me and someone likes me makes me feel good about myself.

Answer 9

you're in for a hard task...if she has self asteem issues it could be from something (not even something major) in her past. my self asteem comes from having a job, having goals, doing things well, etc. my lack of self asteem comes when i have problems with friends, am totally skint or am feeling lonely, etc...compliments always help though!

Answer 10

My self esteem comes from my inelligence. Validate her everyday. Tell her that she is pretty. Her esteem should rise.