HelloeMy name is randy i am 28 i have 2 children i just found out that my wife of 8 years just cheated on me for the 2nd time the first was a month or so after we married With an ex-boyfriend but we were split up for a while and were living in different states i forgave her and i thought we moved on nicely with our marriage however 4months ago she did it again with the bread guy who delivers to the store she works I love her with all my heart but she hurt me and im afraid she will do it again also i think my kids need both a mother and a father im not scared to move on im a good looking guy with a good job but thats not what i want i want a family is this a lost cause?
2006-07-18 21:25:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you should move on. You seem like a really great guy and you gave her a chance to do right. This is not your fault at all. You are doing your part as a husband and father, but it takes two people to make a marriage work. You might even be happier without her in your life;at least the burden of her cheating won't be so heavy. Good luck to you, I hope for the best.
2006-07-18 21:30:33 · answer #1 · answered by anje_s2001 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your children already have a mother and a father. the only problem is that the father will keep hurting himself if he continues to live with a woman who loves having sex with other guys and this can affect the children.
Forget about this woman and think of how best you can help your children grow to be responsible adults. This marraige will not work; if she fell for the same ex-boyfriend or someone you all know then I can say she is weak (that still wouldn't be an excuse) but if she can sleep with a bread guy then she can sleep with anyone. Forget about her, she doesn't deserve to be a wife. Marriage is like bondage for some women.
Remember, human love is conditional, you may "love" her but you cannot continue to love a woman who behaves this way for the rest of your life. She'll do it again.
Good luck, my friend.
2006-07-19 04:39:20 · answer #2 · answered by kboakye1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your shoes Sir. The hardest thing in life is moving into a new phase that you really never asked for. Too often, people reject this reality and continue to remain in a situation that makes their life miserable. Loving her is simply not enough, and love in general has never been enough to make marriages work. It is obvious that she lacks respect and admiration for you as a person, and yet somewhere in her confused soul, she may actually think that she does love you. The real question for you is how long will you continue to live in denial...I did for 2 years after my last wife cheated on me. I was so scared to move on, and I since have re-married to the absolute best woman in the world. I believe that one day she may be loyal to someone else, but reality is that you are not that guy. It's okay though man, success in life is measured by the rebound, not the fall. My suggestion, don't take counsel of your fears...move on and find someone can that can fulfill you and provide you with the respect you deserve, and then come back here one day and share your success story, and help others.
Good luck!
2006-07-19 04:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by Scott W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife sounds like me. I was a cheater. In all my past relationships and my marriage. It wasn't that I wasn't happy (I am), but I have a big issue with feeling alone and abandoned. I had to hit rock-bottom before I realized I have a serious mental problem. I didn't "want" to cheat, I had a compulsion to. When the **** really hit the fan, my husband and I sat down and I was told things I never knew about myself. Your wife may be cheating for many reasons. I doubt, honestly, that it has anything to do with being unsatisfied by you (it rarely does). She may be reacting to feeling abandoned. I'm not saying she "is" abandoned, simply feeling that way. It could be that she wants you to leave her because she has been hurt so many times before and she assumes you will leave her anyway, or because she has hurt so many others in the past and she doesn't want you to be another "casualty". I suggest looking here: http://www.bpdcentral.com as a possible explanation. There may be more to this than just cheating. She could have a mental illness. Don't rule her out yet. If my husband had not realized that something was mentally wrong and pushed the issue with me, we'd have been lost. He didn't give up on me and now we are incredibly happy. I'm not saying that is definitely your situation, but think it over.
Good luck.
2006-07-19 04:33:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lanie Janie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you ever trust her again? I mean, come on, the bread guy? You are a good looking guy with a good job, find someone who will appreciate and cherish you. And you can be a good father without being married to the mother, who obviously does not deserve you. I'm sorry, it is a lost cause, hon. You need to pick up the pieces and move on. I know it is hard, I've been in your position before. Good Luck.
2006-07-19 09:49:34 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Randy, it is never a lost cause to try to keep a marriage together. But unless she gets help to figure why she is cheating, I'm afraid she will do it again. And understandably, it is causing you a lot of pain, which spells a bad situation for the kids. I would suggest both of you seeing a marriage councilor. Good luck!
2006-07-19 04:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by jazzzame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely if she cheated twice, she'll cheat again. Some people need to feel loved by more than one person. It' just how they are. My opinion is once a cheater, always a cheater...until they grow up. It's possible she will change, so if you truly love her, tell her you want to try counseling. Tell her you're willing to do anything to save this marriage and ask her if she is. But if you CAN let her go, then do. Your children are young and they deserve two parents who are happy.
2006-07-19 04:31:49 · answer #7 · answered by shynomore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi randy i've got the same problem with my doughter in law. randy the trust is gone for ever she has proved that keep all records times and dates this has happened kids are stronger then they look. it's over get a good divorce lawyer and take the kids away from her get his name also for records there is a lot of stuff going around out there that can kill you.she may pick up something give it to you how nice. there are nice woman out there randy who would marry you even if you have kids. trust is all you have with each other and she shot hers down getout
2006-07-19 04:39:31 · answer #8 · answered by dalecollins64 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is a lost cause once a cheater always a cheater personally i feel you have allowed her to do it to you again by taking her back.As for the kids you will always be there father and she will be there mother don't use them as an excuse to stay with her in any case your only harming them if your not happy
2006-07-19 04:33:43 · answer #9 · answered by Dodgerchik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This makes me sad. I would want to know why she cheated. How can people hurt the ones they love and look in the mirror. Remember not to have sex with her until she's been tested for god knows what. Plus this will always be a danger if she does it again. What if she gave you HIV down the road. Does she care that much about her crotch and not about her family.
2006-07-19 05:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by Namooni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋