My wife says she loves me and I am a wonderful person but she just does not feel the love from me. I have put up an admirable effort I think since she had an affair last year. She says she just wasnt getting the attention and the love that she needed from me. Classsic case of the husband works hard and the wife has to much free time on her hands so she has an affair blaims it on me casue I dont love her and give her attention all day casue I'm at work uses drugs goes into depression and says I am the reason for her life being a mess. Well she left to her parents and says she is not coming back and she sounds serious. She is so mad I dont even want to talk to her but I still love her.
She says there is someone out there that we be happy with me and I agree, not to be arrogant but I am a pretty good catch everyone tells me even her. I just cant give her enough and I cant make her happy and I dont think anyone can.
Am I better off to just let her go after 4 years of marriage?
2006-07-18 19:28:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let her go, but be prepared because as soon as you do she will be back.
2006-07-18 19:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by jodeeo1029 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Man, I am so sorry! No one deserves this pain. It is horrible, isn't it? I surely wish you the best my man.
Trust me, I know this is much easier said than done, and it will take you a long time, but you gotta do your best to not blame yourself for your wife cheating, leaving, etc. Nothing you could have done makes that behavior acceptable. I mean, seriously, how ridiculous is it for a woman to blame her cheating on her husband for working too hard. RIDICULOUS!
Man, I totally understand how you feel. I bet you still love her, even through the pain, more than anyone knows, right? It is only understandable. We husbands/exhusbands love the girl we fell in love with and married like no other. Unfortunately, as you know if you can really step back and be honest with yourself, the girl who cheated, left, etc. is not the same girl you fell in love with. I don't know about you, but the girl I married would have never done that, right? Well, sadly enough, wives change and become someone different. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to accept it.
The fact that she tries to blame her drug use on you says everything. Obviously, she wants nothing to do with the consequences or responsibility of her actions. She has some serious mental issues, which have nothing to do with you.
Dude, her leaving has nothing to do with how good of a catch you are. Husbands and wives cheat and leave top notch spouses every day, and it doesn't make sense. Do your best to try and not make sense of it.
You gotta decide if you are better off or not. You gotta decide if you can ever trust her again. You gotta decide if you can forgive and forget what she has done. You gotta decide if you can accept the pain she has caused you. Do you believe there are time outs in marriage? If she comes back, are you ever going to be comfortable enough with her again to trust that she wont pull this again? Are you willing to walk on eggshells for her? kiss her rear trying to keep her happy? Can you live with guilt for working hard? IS that right in your mind?
There are so many more questions you gotta answer. Whatever you do, dont accept the fault for her actions.
Stay Up PLaya!
2006-07-19 03:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife isn't happy with herself, then no amount of love or attention you give is ever going to be enough.
Have you sat down and asked her to define what love and attention means to her? Perhaps you felt that you were showing your love in your own way, but it did not feel like that to her. Obviously, there is a lack of communication on both of your parts which needs to be addressed.
If she is suffering from bouts of depression, and is taking drugs, then she is seeking attention and needs to seek professional advice. She has issues that need to be dealt with, and you are not the person who can help her.
Give her some time and space, and offer to go to marriage counseling. If there is still love there, then together you can make it work, but only if you both agree.
Good Luck to you, I wish you the best.
2006-07-19 02:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by ninamcguinness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you're better off to let her go. Esp since it's only been 4 yrs. Then again I guess you were together for @ least 5 yrs... It's best cuz why would you wanna be w/ someone who doesn't wanna be w/ YOU ? I'm guessing that she just fell out of love w/ you. That happens & I don't think that it was anyone's fault. It was better that she's letting go of you now rather than later cuz the longer she held it off, the more it woulda hurt & the longer it woulda taken to heal.
I was in a 1.5 yr rel & I just got out of it recently. I wish I would have broken it off sooner tho. For a long time I was contemplating breaking up w/ him. Now I'm suffering the consequences of NOT doing it a lot sooner.
I'd say for the 2 of you to go to a marriage counselor but if she doesn't love you anymore then there's no pt in staying together. And hey, if you say that you're a good catch then there's not much to worry bout when you're ready to start dating.. right ? ;) he he. Take it one day @ a time (I broke up w/ my bf 6 wks ago. Wow, I guess the last wk really went by fast cuz not long ago I was saying 4, & then 5. Take your time b/f seeing other peeps. Don't worry, someone else will come along :) Good luck !!!
2006-07-19 10:51:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
According to ur description
I think u both are no made for each other
So let her go.
U can find another who fits to ur life style.
i will give u a crude example
If u bought an expensive watch and used it for a while
and after some time its not working properly
will u get on with it as u used it till now??
First we try to get it repaired and ifthat does not work
we will buy a new one.
My intension is not to say that wife is like a watch
that is just an example
ok
what ever u do, think twice before taking any step.
Good luck
2006-07-19 02:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by good_boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not the reason your wife is so unhappy...that is ridiculous. you can't be entirely responsible for someone else's happiness. However, you can contribute to how a person feels about themselves.
are you better off? Only you can answer that question...
since many marriages end in divorce and second marriages (statistically ) have a greater chance of divorce...you should make darn sure you did everything you can to make it work....if she doesn't want to that is her problem...when is enough? You''ll know...and you'll know in your heart that you turned over every stone and therefore...."earned your way out" as Dr. P likes to say...
good luck
2006-07-19 02:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by Chef Susy--Cookin it up! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one wants to give up to easily or to feel like they have failed. But life is really to short not to be happy.Remember if one of you thinks there is a problem...there is a problem.Some people just can't be satisfied. Give her a few weeks and try to talk to her again or maybe you both could go to counseling.I wish you both good luck and I hope you get back the feelings you had on the day you said "I Do".
2006-07-19 02:44:12 · answer #7 · answered by jean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does she have so much free time? Doesn't she have a job, go to school, volunteer somewhere? Doesn't she understand that you are supporting her lifestyle? Perhaps if you tell her you will no longer contribute to her life of playing and selfishness, and she has to make her own way in this world, she may begin to appreciate having a husband who is taking care of her.
2006-07-19 02:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by sim24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not good enough for you. Find someone better. You shouldn't take people back after they have cheated on you. That is the ultimate insult....
2006-07-19 02:32:52 · answer #9 · answered by Dasher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes be glad it is just 4 years and not 40. you are still young enough to find love with someone else.
2006-07-19 02:35:00 · answer #10 · answered by HastyBabe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is the one causing her own unhappiness. it is not you! If you love her give it a bit of time. if she starts up with someone else then leave her to her misery and search for your happiness.
2006-07-19 02:40:46 · answer #11 · answered by SHE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋