It turns out that the monster living under my bed was actually a kitten. My question is, how do I kill it?

Answer 1

Thought the kitten was a monster? You can remedy that ...

Just give the kitten away and declare yourself the monster you were searching for.

Answer 2

Dude, you can't kill kittens! They're the meanest devils ever to walk the planet, and death will come upon you with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth! The only thing you can do is lure him away with the Magic String of Protection. Just drag it along the floor until he is hypnotized by its irresistable movement, and lure him into another room. Then he becomes someone else's problem! Oh, and always stay under a blanket or sheet at night. Everyone knows kitten-monsters can't get you if you hide under the covers.

Answer 3

There are not any such issues as monsters. in spite of the indisputable fact that in my view they stay contained in the closet. even as ever i bypass to mattress I always make positive the closet is closed incase some thing comes out.

Answer 4

Don't kill it. If you don't want it take it to your local Humane Society. You could always keep it and make a new friend for life. Guaranteed not to judge you or call you names.

Answer 5

Just give it up for adoption or surrender it to the nearest animal shelter. Cleaning up blood and guts is really not worth your trouble.

Answer 6

Ask that fat chick you fancy to come over tonight.. and bring her fat mother and sisters. Your bed can't take the weight!

Answer 7

That's really not funny at all, considering there's a few nuts out there that actually do that.

Answer 8

You don't. If you don't want it, give it to someone else. There's no need to kill it.

Answer 9

Very.
Large.
Rock.

Answer 10

give it aspirin dissolved in milk or water