What do I do?!?

Question

I am 17, me and my bf had sex for the first time, and now I'm pregnant...I don't know what to do, or how to tell my parents. I am really scared...I still have one more year in High School to do..HELP!!!

Answer 1

1. Tell your parents now! Be direct. Expect to be sternly disciplined.

2. Stay in school. If you contact your school, they will probably we willing to adjust the schedule of your final year to make it eaier (perhaps only attending partial days, perhaps only attending enough classes to get sufficient credits to graduate, perhaps lessening that shcedule with summer school or getting H.S. credits for classes at a local community college - this all depends on the school and the local/state laws).

3. If you are asking about getting married vs. single parent vs. adoption vs. abortion, that is a question you must answer first. You shouldn't be expecting anyone else to make that decision for you, especially not an anonymous person at an on-line forum.

4. Then it is up to you whether or not to involve your boyfriend, and to what extent... just remember free will - you cannot force him to do anything beyond the minimal required by law.

5. Then if your decision differs from your parents, contact planned parenthood or similar organization to see what if any options you have to go against their permission given the laws.

Answer 2

Baby: I'll warn you, I'm against abortion, so I am biased. I'd say carry the baby and go for adoption. If you don't want to go through an agency or anything like that, there are plenty of places in the US that have safe surrender sites, and some places outside of the US as well. Police stations, fire departments, hospitals, and even some schools. If you do decide to go for abortion for whatever reason, ones here cost around $500. I don't know if insurance will cover it, or if that is what's left from being covered by insurance. If it's early enough, you might not have many side effects other than those from miscarriage. However, if you have a D&C there is a small risk of uterine scarring which could cause infertility. The other option, of course, is to keep the baby. It's scary, it's hard, and it will interfere with your life, but it's possible. A friend of ours raised her daughter through her last year or two of high school. Her daughter's a brat, but what toddler isn't? It's not impossible. This, of course, is a much better option if you have a supportive family. A family member can adopt your baby, btw, so that your baby is still around, but being cared for as someone else's baby. Some find this harder, some find it easier. It all depends on you.

Teachers (if you decide to continue the pregnancy): Talk with your teachers at the beginning of the semester. Many will be very understanding. I was able to postpone my midterm in college because I gave birth the day of my midterm. It's a difficult thing to deal with. But you can make it through school and your pregnancy. Also, have someone from each class able to send you notes and homework, and have someone bring homework back while you're recovering from the birth. If your teachers have email, all the better. But making a plan with your teachers is the best thing you can do. If you're keeping the baby, think about what to do at the end of school. Check if your high school has a daycare. It's extremely sad to say, but a few of the high schools around here, and even a middle school or two, have child care available for students. If not, see if your parents or friends of the family who have children can watch your baby while you're in class. I've known some teachers that allow a calm infant to come with them to class (I had mine during my final, but again, it was in college) though this is probably going to be unlikely.

Parents: Have a course of action in mind. Have two. Have one of each. Research your options thoroughly. Tell your parents. If they go nuts, wait for them to calm down. This isn't easy since you may be more emotional due to horomones. But hang in there. Ask to talk to them and offer up your plans. This will be a great sign of maturity. Be ready to answer any questions that they have, and remember that they will probably get pretty personal. If either of you start getting too worked up, ask if you can continue later when you've both calmed down.

As a last note, if you're in the US, be sure to sign up for WIC if you're keeping the baby. It'll be an immense help.

Answer 3

First of all, realize that it's not the end of the world. Plenty of other people in this world have made the same mistakes as you.

Next, you need to be honest with yourself and realize that there is no way you are emotionally or financially equipped to care for a child at your age. It certainly isn't fair of you to ask your parents or your boyfriend's parents to take on that responsibility.

Now, ask yourself what your moral compass is. Are you going to abort the child or would you be willing to give up the child for adoption? There are many childless married couples out there who lovingly welcome your child into their home. If you're going to do the adoption thing, make sure that you stick firm to your decision and don't decide to keep the child at your age....which would be a HUGE mistake. Remember, this isn't about you...it's about doing what you feel is best for your child.

If you do have sex again...and you probably will......either get better birth control or abstain from further sex until you're smart enough to not let something like this happen again. You want to have a child on your terms the next time around. OK?

Your parents will doubtless be shocked, perhaps disappointed, angry, etc., but if they love you, they'll get over their initial shock and support you. Don't be surprised if there is an initial outburst from them and a lot of hurtful things said at the outset. Sorry, honey, but by doing an adult thing, you've gotta be a big girl and be prepared to accept the consequences. But this, too, will soon pass. You don't really expect a pat on the back and cheering, do ya? But it'll be OK. Just don't screw up again, OK?

Answer 4

I think you should read up on pregnancy and take care of yourself. You should take prenatal vitamins each day to help your baby and you be healthy. When you tell your parents, don't freak out, stress isn't good either. I don't know your parents or living situation but I hope the best for you. Hopefully they will understand. They're your parents, they love you, and although at first they may be mad, upset, or freak, they will most likely be there for you and support you through this hard time. School... There are many options. You can be home schooled, or go through as much high school as you can until the pregnancy is in the late stages then you won't have as many credits to make up if you decide to go back to high school. There are programs that will ensure you earn your high school diploma or you may consider getting your GED. One program for high school diploma is James Madison but it is kinda expensive depending on your financial state. I hope the best for you and your child and hopefully I was a little help to you.

Answer 5

Tell your mom right away. She'll be able to guide you in what's best for you. She may feel that abortion would be best (even though so many will say there are so many other options). Talk to her, but don't wait. Because the longer you wait, the less options you'll have.
And please stop having sex before you can handle the responsibilities that come along with it. I know you think you have all the answers, but use this situation as the standard of what can happen when you think you've got it all under control. I'm not being harsh to you, I'm just being honest. We've all been 17 and we know exactly what's going through your mind. It's so true when they say "Parents know best". Listen to them when they give you advice. They've been where you are and know what can happen.

Answer 6

Oh, honey that is a scary situation. I think you should share the news with your parents, they are your parents and they will love you no matter what. They may be a little upset, but it doesn't mean they don't love you!! I had SEVERAL girlfriends in high school who finished school with awesome grades and went on to college and they were pregnant/had a kid the whole time. I couldn't have been more proud. Consider adoption, it is a wonderfu, wonderful thing for people who can never have a baby. My husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt right now too and let me tell you what a blessing some lady/woman is going to be in our lives for providing us with the opportunity to have a child in our home. I will pray for you and I pray that you will be blessed!!!!!

Answer 7

I've had lots of friends get pregnant at this age. Listen, your parents love you unconditionally and will continue to love you no matter what. They may be disappointed but they'll still love you and help you through this. You need to tell them so they can get you to a doctor so you can care for yourself and your baby. You have to worry bout the little one inside of you. I didn't think my dad would understand when I told him I was pregnant at 19, after about a week of being anger he was happy he was gonna be a grandpa. Going to school and having a child will be harder but it can be done and ha been done for years. Just remember your not the first this has happend to and you won't be the last.

Answer 8

Umm...if you want to keep the baby then I'd tell your parents. It's almost like getting a tattoo (a little bit of a stretch i know) theres nothing they can do about it so there's no sense getting upset about it. If not, you could get an abortion, but seriously, I would trust your parents over some guy who got you pregnant anyday.

Answer 9

Calm down, take a deep breath. Okay. You will be fine. Are you positive that you're pregnant? Have you been to the doctor? You are going to have to tell your parents asap. It might be hard, but if you have an open relationship with them, things will be easier. Just sit them down and tell them.

Answer 10

There is no reason that you did not know better! So get off your *** and grow up tell your parents and do whats best for your future. Stop acting so innocent its 2006 you knew what you were doing and what happens from those actions so grow up