Please help!! How do I tell my ex to just let it go??

Question

It's not the typical break-up/ex-boyfriend-wants-me-back kind of situation. We still talk on the phone and see eachother once in a while, and he is fully aware of the fact that I still love him, so he's not totally on the wrong track by thinking that we might have a chance. But the truth is that I don't think we can ever work it out. We're very different people, and we've already tried working it out many times.. we've broken up and got back together like 5 times in the past.. so it's just a waste of time to repeat that whole cycle again. I want to move on with my life. I tried telling him all that yesterday but he kept telling me that I should be more optimistic and that things can be different because we're more mature now.. he admits that he doesn't have things figured out but he knows that I'm the one and he doesn't want to lose me. It was really hard for me to tell him that I just don't want it anymore. What should I do?? Please help!!

Answer 1

Hey, sounds like a situation I was in once before. My ex and I did the same, What I realized was that it wasn't his fault b/c I was still leading him on. I kept in constant contact with him as if we were still dating so of course he thought he had a chance. What you need to do is be stern with him and yourself. You have tried working out this relationship in the past and it flunked, chances are it will miserably fail once again, this time you two may end up on bad terms so keep this grudge-less and clean. Of course you still have love for him but you have to learn how to let go as well, be independent not so dependent on him, Once you do that he will do the same, he will eventually move on as well. You don't want to repeat this cycle once again, it's too agonizing and stressful. Tell him that you 2 should see one another less, you need some healing space, some time alone, and so does he. Don't talk on the phone so much, doing that will only give him high hopes and you'd only be leading him on. Also, when you talk to someone you love on the phone or see him/her again the feelings become stronger and rekindle that is why the less you see each other the faster you will learn to be apart and realize that breaking up was for the best. In the meanwhile keep yourself busy by doing what you like; i.e. chill with your family and friends, shop, anything to keep your mind occupied. Do not be tempted to pick up the phone when he calls, try to limit the conversations to once weekly or nothing at all. Keep it friendly b/c you both will be glad of your decision later. Just because we love someone does not mean he/she is *the one* for us. Good luck!

Answer 2

If you have seriously decided that you do not want to keep running on this hamster wheel of a relationship, then you have to take the following steps to break it off.

1. Stop any and all contact with him, after you tell him, "It's over, leave me alone." Don't console him, text him, answer his text messages, emails, calls or pages. Stop it all! By staying in contact, you are giving him mixed signals, so stop!

2. Move on. Date new people and see/visit new places. Open yourself up to a new world that does not revolve around him.

3. Take up a new hobby, go to school and do something for you, that you want to do.

4. When you wake up in a few months, or a year later and dimly remember how upset you used to be with him, yet how nice life is without him...Think of me kindly!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Then don't talk about moving on and just move on.
Don't talk to him about it anymore, at all. Go hang out with your other friends more. Go to parties, and clubs. Go to school, go to work, and avoid the subject of relationships with him, because he will only steer it towards you two. And if you meet another guy you want to date, date him. But don't do so to get your ex off your back. That's immature.
You can talk to him if you like. But I would avoid him for a while if you think it would hurt him to see you getting on with your life without him.
You are living for you, not for him.
I was in a similar situation before. Except I didn't want to be friends with my ex. He was a jerk, and had somehow managed to manipulate me into feeling guilty about breaking up with him. I got over it, and realized that my life is mine, and he can't control me.
I hate to say it, but it sounds an awful lot like your ex is trying to convince you of something you both know is untrue. In other words: he is using your guilt against you.
If this is the case, and you find that you cannot break the guilt trip he created, then you can't be friends.

Answer 4

Sometimes maturity means recognizing that there are instances in which It was not meant to be. You are ready to try other interests, he is not.

So, tough love seems to be the answer, out of love for what you had, cut all ties with him, so he can move on too. Do not even tell him that someday you can reunite as friends. He will get the wrong idea. Tell him straight: For both our sakes it is best not too seek us anymore. And stick to it.

Answer 5

Well, if you would still love him, you would be not trying to finish it at all. So, you should be honest to yourself, and then to him. I was in a very similar situation, and it was very painful for me to realize, that we were good for each-other as friends, but horrible as lovers. It took time, till we could be friends after the brake up, but it was fine, and after all, i realize, it was best that way.

I would suggest you, if you want to keep this relationship, keep it. If you don't want, then stop contact. Cut it once and fast, don't make it slow, little by little , it gives only more pain, and disappointments... to him, and to you. Be clear, otherwise it will continue that way, and even get worse.

If you both are made for each-other, you will be together, and if you are made to be friends, you will be friends... And if nothing of those.., well accept it, and go on.
best wishes...

Answer 6

Definately take a break from each other until you both have had time to sort out your feelings. Set a definate time frame. Maybe a month apart with no contact to see how it goes. Agree to call on a certain dat after that time and talk them. The time apart will help you both clear your heads and sort out your priorities .

Answer 7

It sounds like you might just have to quit talking to him, for both your sakes. You have decided that it can't work between you, and you are ready to move on. By continuing to talk to him you are unfairly raising his hopes, as well as keeping your own connection to him. It will be painful, but if you have decided, you had best get on with it. This relationship was meaningful to yoy, so you will have to grieve a while, and then move on. But you will get through it.

Answer 8

Simple. If you still want him, give him a chance. If you are tired and want to move on. Let him go and don't call or answer his calls. You have to cut him loose entirely or he may still think that he has a chance.

Answer 9

if he admits that your more mature then tell him to accept the fact that the two of you are not meant for each other and you move on with yourselvies cause if a relationship is not meant to be it's not meant to be and there is no use in hurting each other.

Answer 10

You have to tell him you refuse to see him any more, and you have to hang up immediately if he calls. That is the only way. You have to go cold turkey for a while, otherwise he won't leave you alone. Trust me, this is better for both of you.