My Boyfriend Could Not Get Me To Climax; Whose Fault Is This?

Question

We just recently started having sex. I think that most people are aware that a lot of women do not climax through intercourse alone, but he expressed a desire to make me come this way, and I let him know that I wanted it to happen too. We tried manual stimulation, and oral sex for a while. I tried to communicate to him in detail what I liked, but I guess I just wasn't getting through. Then I tried to finish myself off, but I was kinda tired at that point and felt under pressure to perform. It doesn't bother me that I wasn't able to come, but he seemed to have taken it very personally. I don't have an orgasm every single time, and I don't think that most other women do either. I have never faked an orgasm, but I wonder if I should have just to have spared his feelings. I would not give him a difficult time if he wasn't able to get it up, so why was he a total baby about this -- or was it my fault; did I lead him on somehow by telling him I wanted to come.

Answer 1

Definitely not your fault. I agree with what I read from many of the other readers. Just relax and try to enjoy yourself. He is obviously trying to be a "dude" and make you orgasm that way because it is more "manly" but instead he has inadvertantly become self oriented trying to make it about his ego instead of your enjoyment. The end result you didn't have an orgasm when you could've in other ways. If he is truly good in bed he will do what pleasure you instead of what makes him cool in his own head. And you will probably have more orgasms with him in that way.

Answer 2

I suppose I am assuming, but you are likely both fairly young and inexperienced sexually. However, men, in general, are performance oriented, so his "failure" to bring you to orgasm may be perceived as a failure of his "manhood". However, the first thing to do, is delete the phrase "whose fault is it..." from your vocabulary. The best time to communicate about sex and sexual needs is NOT while you are having sex. If you feel that you need a different type of, or more stimulation to orgasm, then you need to communicate that to your partner, and find a time to do it while you are not having sex, not fighting, or your partner has a work/school deadline to meet. I feel I should point out that in a mature, trusting relationship, this should not be a problem, nor be taken as a comment on the partner's performance either. You know your body better than anyone else (hopefully), and with that point of view, should be able to give your partner tips on how to bring you to orgasm. Remember too, that there are Four T's to achieving orgasm with most women: TOUCH, TALK, TIME, and TRUST. The average woman needs approximately 20 minutes of outercourse (a term I prefer, as "foreplay" tends to make intercourse the main focus) in order to physically prepare her body for orgasm. Best of luck

Answer 3

Its an ego thing for men to be able to get their partner off. Its no ones fault, he just has to realize the situation and accept it. I have the same problem, so I know what you are going thru. I do agree that it appears that a fair amount of women are lying to their partners about orgasms. From what I have read, only 10% of women orgasm from vaginal sex alone, and some women only orgasm occasionally. Practically all of my past boyfriends claim that their past girlfriends have always climaxed during intercourse. I think thats a load of BS and that a lot of women out there are faking orgasms. You are not leading him on. You want to come, but sometimes only you can do it for yourself and he has to learn to understand that. A good thing to point out to him would be that even if you dont climax, you enjoyed it a lot regardless of orgasm.

Answer 4

When I first started having sex I never got off. But for some reason I have no problem now at having multiple orgasms. I don't like to fake but sometimes it helps me just to get him more into then in the end we both are pleased. So maybe you should try faking it and he will get even more turned on then maybe this will help you have pleasure too!

Answer 5

Climax is the ultimate pleasure of a sexual act.But the fact remains that every girl does not climax every time she has sex.The important thing to understand is: 1) are you having sex just to climax ? 2) Or are you having a climax because you are enjoying sex. If your answer is point No 1. then change your partner,have multiple partners you will climax some day. And if you chose No.2.then its pure love,and climax should not be your motive ( although it is satisfying to climax) You should be happy that you both are together close in each others arms enjoying every stroke every kiss every touch every whisper every breath falling on each other,the caressing the cuddling the satisfaction of becoming one in each other.........climax will follow

Answer 6

I think it's common for men to feel inadequate if their partner doesn't have an orgasm - probably because it's vital for them to have one. I agree, a lot of women can enjoy a sexual relationship without always having an orgasm. Maybe if your relationship develops you can be more open with him.
You're young - I hope you are being careful to prevent a pregnancy or STD.

Answer 7

its not yur fault or yur boy friend see if u wanna have orgasm 1st
keep yur mind out of tension njoi the sex dont do it by thinking what will happen if i dont satisfy him or something like that and again oral sex and have him lick yur....thats wat i do to satisy my gal cuz gals take long time to get involved mentally in sex and it shud be very slow or u can also go for rough sex and try different position for sex and tell yur boyfriend to shag a day before u plan to have sex cuz that way his climax will stay longer and he wud satisfy u more
try different place to have sex and do it more than 1 time if u can...like have sex and then go out have dinner come back have sex...if u need more info mail me on [e-mail]

Answer 8

it sounds like you are tring to hard, nxt time just lay back and relax and let things happen naturally. sometimes there is a lot of pressure to reach climax little lone orgasam

Answer 9

girl that is all his fault all men brag about is how they good in bed or whatever you know and they always tryna get you in bed and when they finally do and they can't satisfy you girl oh hell no it don't matter how long it takes you to come he should have that good pipe that will have you bouncin off the wall don't even trip

Answer 10

if your boyfriend can't please you than thare is some thing wrong, and you may need to seek another sorce for pleasure.
or you could just teach him the art of fallaitio. (face, to munch, to get down and eat some muff. ) if he can't , than he don't know what he is missing out on.