How did you "come out of the closet"?

Question

In the last year I have come to terms with my sexuality and would like to live my life for me instead of living a lie to please other people. What I would like for my friends and family to tell me is something along the lines of "we already knew." I have not had a girlfriend, ever, so it's not like it'd be a complete surprise. My mom is very open minded and I think she'd be ok with it, and my brother has already told me that it's ok with him if I'm gay and that he'd still love me. (I still didn't say anything.) I guess what has been bothering me is my dad makes derrogatory comments about gays, and the disappointment my parents will feel when they find out I won't be marrying a woman and making grandkids for them, and I have an irrational fear of rejection that I know I will have to deal with. Should I just come out to mom and not dad? I have a good idea which friends will be supportive and who won't. I want the good and the bad, and did you regret it? looking for inspiration...

Answer 1

i would like to ad my two cents...tell your brother and your friends, then tell your mother and ask her what she would think if you were to tell your dad. If she has no disposition, go with your instincts...you have the best and most legible story i have read in a long time, thanks for sharing it with us and good luck!!!

Here is to a new gay friend

Answer 2

Well, I am still half way in, and half way out, the coming out process is a life long experience, but the fact of the matter is that if you are affraid of what your dad will say, then don't tell him, My dad is the same way, I also don't really care about his opinion, so even if he found out I would not care, but I am not going to blurt out or anything to him I am gay, because I feel that being who you are is special, not something that should be drug through the dirt, so my thinking is that if you know that your dad loves you and you want him to know, then tell him because if you are close with him yes it may be painfull to tell him and his response maybe good or bad, but the fact is if this is the one thing that is causing you to still carry the load of being gay and in the closet, tell him weather or not it causes pain, because it can be repaired if he can come to terms with it, so I am sorry I wasn't a big help. But do what you feel is best, because if you know it is the right thing deep down, do it, but have a support system in place before doing so, because not having one can make it harder on you, I know because I don't have one.

Answer 3

Im glad to hear that you have a lot of support like your brother and mom. Seems like you have more than a lot of others! And that can help you out a lot! Comming out can be as easy or as hard as you make it. You are always going to have people who arent going to agree with your life style but just remember its what YOU want and its who YOU are!
For me I had lunch with my mother because she was the hardest one for me. I had a one on one conversation that didnt end like I had planned but a least she herd it from my mouth and she new what I was feeling. Its been a year from when I told her and she still hasnt come to terms but she understands that this is who I am and shes going to have to deal. I think you need to see that this is who you are and if u are ready the sooner the better.
Try talking to your mom and even ur brother first and see what advice they have in regards to your father. But dont keep him on the back burner he needs to know that this is his son and trust me he will come around sooner or later. Its who you are and they will love you regardless. Just give it time its your best friend!

Answer 4

Ok I would tell your brother first because he would be most accepting. Tell one of your best friends. Wait a while and see how life goes for a week. See if you want to tell the rest of your friends. Then tell your mom by herself. This will make a kind of pre paved way to tell your dad. It wont be something right off press. Im sorry I cant give more info buts thats all best guess.

Answer 5

i left town for west hollywood. was completely out but no one knew me. when i came home i told my parents. i might as well have said pass the salt. no excitement, no drama. i'm sure my parents knew long before i left. i just did that for me. none of my friends were surprised. only those strange folks that say "but you're pretty" or men who try to hit on me are surprised. if you want the good and the bad, tell both parents together. as for the dissapointment, well you never know what your life will bring. i knew a family with 2 sons one het one homo. the het was sterile so the homo donated to the hets wife. others that have kids with the local hot lezbo couple. some homo male couples that adopt. be strong, be a man. stand up for yourself and for gays. if not immediately, then eventually your dad will respect you for being the man he raised you to be, not a judgemental derogatory bully. you might even teach him a new way to be.

Answer 6

Practice first with the friends that you mentioned that you think will be accepting, then tell your brother that you have something to tell him but that he is not to say anything to mom nor dad.
(By the way your mom knows ... they have
that motherly femenine intuition ... they just
choose not to use it sometimes) TRUTH HURTS
>>> Your next step is waiting ... wait for the right
moment ... next time your dad makes a bad
remark about Homosexuals JUST SAY IT
"I am one of them ... I am just like they are"
Just explain to him that you were born that
way and that you can not change it even if
you tried. Explain that you could change the
color of your eyes with false color contacts
but the truth is, the color of your eyes are
predisposition geneticly just like your
sexual preference. Ask him if he prefers
for you to live a lie or does he prefer that
you be happy. As far as grand kids goes
tell your brother not to shot blanks the
family is counting on him to continue the
bloodline. Only tell the important people in
your life. I wish you GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Then we are in undesirable shape while you're suitable. There could desire to be understand extra loss of life in accordance to Revelations 20:15, Rev 21:4 and not extra tears or crying etc yet we've various those. whilst he returns it is interior the comparable way the disciples seen him ascend. Matt 24:30, Acts a million:11.

Answer 8

You are fortunate that you realize who you really are...so many people struggle trying to find their true identity. First, I think it is important that you feel good about yourself. If you are confident and happy when you talk with your parents, they will sense your commitment and might feel better. Second, don't let someone else tell them. They need to hear this decision from you. Your child's sexuality is a tough subject for all parents regardless if your child is homosexual or heterosexual. Just like we don't like to visualize our parents as sexual...parents don't like to visualize their kids as sexual. Finally, you must be prepared for them to reject you. Homosexuality has so many connotations..religious, social, psychological. Your mom and dad might feel that they have failed regardless of how successful and well balanced you might be. I strongly recommend that you find a gay rights group in your area and meet with a counselor before you talk with your parents. They will be able to give you suggestions and help you prepare yourself for life after you come out of the closet. Peace.

Answer 9

honey i came out of my mom and i was out. i was being called ****** before i even knew what it was. i was lucky my mom loved me unconditionally and protected me like an angry lioness! it may be difficult and you may loose some people you would support you while some may surprise you and be behind you 100%. before you tell your parents make sure your prepared I.E. living on you own, not needing financial support etc.etc. your dad may take it as a blow to his manhood and he may not come around for a long time, but ultimately when you love yourself unconditionally you're on the path to true happiness. i wish you all the luck in the world when you kick that damn closet door down. if you need someone to lend an ear feel free to contact me.......may you walk in beauty, light, and love timothy

Answer 10

Hey,

I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately I didn't "come out" completely on my terms... by that I mean that I was being blackmailed by my former friend, whom I'd had my first gay sexual experience. Because of him, my best friend of 12 years had ended our best friendship and mum and dad would've been suspicious if we weren't hanging out like we always did. I tried to mend our friendship, but with no sucess. So, i went to "his" place and told him to never hurt her again, or else he'd pay, and i he reminded me that i was still in the closet, and said that one day he and I were gonna be good friends. He made me sick, so i stormed home and i was in my room for hours thinking in the quiet. Mum came in and asked what was wrong, and i told her that i was no longer friends with my best friend. she asked why, I hesitated, and I told her everything that had happened... it was embarrassing, but i couldn't bear being under "his" control any longer. Mum said she'd had a feeling i was gay. She was fine with it. she said that dad had to know, that it wouldn't be fair on him if i didn't tell him. I didn't know what to expect, so i called him in and i told him too. he was quiet, i think in a state of shock, but he's fine with it. I've only told one of my 3 sisters. I feel the others are too young to accept it yet.

So far I haven't regretted telling them, though my reason for coming out is different to yours. It may not be easy, but take the plunge. You feel a huge weight lifted from your shoulders when you do. it's the honest truth. I did come out to my friends first, it's easier talking to them about things to do with sexuality.

anyways, i'm not sure if this is going to be inspirational or anything, but it's how I came out, and I think that any way would be better than how I came out :)

Good luck, and if you need to talk, feel free to contact me :)

Nathan